Yrrow Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 When in unfamiliar places and situations, I have panic attacks, derealization, etc. This is going to sound like I am asking for reassurance. I probably am. Would you be worried if you couldn't remember doing something mundane? When you are stressed, do you sometimes just go on autopilot? I can't remember spitting out a piece of chewing gum. I know it was in my mouth, but then it wasn't. I don't remember spitting it out or being near a trash can, and I was in an unfamiliar place. Now I am mentally checking to make sure I didn't do anything else and not remember. If I can't remember spitting out the gum, what if I did something else (something bad) I can't remember? I know you can't tell me what I did or didn't do (no certainty), but would you personally be concerned if you couldn't remember doing something (like spitting out gum) if you were in a strange place? I am now convincing myself I did something bad. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 The problem here is not that you don't remember spitting out the gum. The problem is that you think not remembering is a problem. This is a common theme in OCD. Seemingly small situations become big issues. What you need to do is stop worrying about those small issues. When the thought pops into your head that you don't remember spitting out the gum, just leave it alone. Don't try to remember. Don't go over it in your head. Same thing when you get the thought, what else could I have forgotten? Don't ruminate over it. Let the thought be and get on with your day. If you pay attention to these thoughts you're going to end up in an endless cycle. Link to comment
Yrrow Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 Thank you so much PolarBear. I needed a dose of reality. I am having such a hard time resisting the mental checking. It feels automatic. I don't know how or when it started. If I try to stop doing it (reviewing everything), it makes me do it more. I feel like the compulsion of checking is causing the thoughts. Link to comment
Yrrow Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 And if I don't check, I feel guilty because what if I am trying to repress something? Link to comment
taurean Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Now come on Yrrow you surely know what ifs and guilt are driven by OCD? Ignore all that don't go there. Link to comment
Yrrow Posted December 19, 2014 Author Share Posted December 19, 2014 Now come on Yrrow you surely know what ifs and guilt are driven by OCD? Ignore all that don't go there. I know, I know....it sounds a lot like ocd. Sorry! Can I say one last thing? I am not perfect, and I have done things that I have felt guilty about before and have put in the back of my mind. Not terrible things, per se, but at least things I haven't always been forthcoming about and have tried to separate from myself. I am worried that there is something there that I am trying to repress because it doesn't sit well with me. And it seems like ocd would be just the perfect excuse to "pardon" myself. I just feel uneasy. Link to comment
taurean Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 Whether those were OCD or not, obsessing then compulsing about them with an underlying fear of having done some thing wrong to feel guilty about has formed a separate flavour of OCD hasn't it. You have to put whatever has happened in the past behind you anyway.You can't change it but beating yourself up over it in the present is stupid. Simply learn from it. Then let it go. Link to comment
PolarBear Posted December 19, 2014 Share Posted December 19, 2014 The perfect excuse to pardon yourself is that you don't deserve to go through a life filled with guilt. Give yourself a break. Nothing you've done is worth feeling guilty forever more over. It's time to move on, so move on. Link to comment
Yrrow Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 Thank you taurean and PolarBear. I appreciate your time and advice. I will try to get a grip. Link to comment
Guest ADD Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 (edited) I'm usually always on auto pilot. There's so many things that I don't remember having done or not. Doesn't help when I lose things. I have also fallen asleep in public places so many times! Only woke up right now at this cafe after 2 lattes, guess they weren't strong enough. I don't remember being anywhere that is unfamiliar to me actually. Though foreign languages I don't speak make me feel a little uneasy and less in control. I want to go to Europe though I get anxious about not knowing the languages. I understand the checking automation. For so long I haven't been able to stop checking numbers and constant clock checking and checking for other triggers. I even turned my computer clock to analog so I don't see the digits though I still keep looking at it and then clicking on it to see the digits. Checking is very difficult of a habit to stop! Edited December 20, 2014 by ADD Link to comment
Yrrow Posted December 20, 2014 Author Share Posted December 20, 2014 Ugh, yes, I am also bad with clock checking. I will often check the time multiple times in a row. I will check it initially, but then I wasn't concentrating enough to actually process the time so I check it again and again. Link to comment
taurean Posted December 20, 2014 Share Posted December 20, 2014 I think autopilot of ten works well. Many times I would travel home from work by public transport and sort of "wake up" near my house, not remembereing much about boarding or getting off the train. To me, that was good mindfulness. Link to comment
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