It's Christmas yet I don't feel happy

[Guest liss6794]

Really struggling lately. It's christmas time and you're supposed to feel happy but I don't. Not because it's christmas but because I feel like this all the time lately. I feel depressed and anti-social all the time. I don't go to college very often, I don't have a job, I don't do anything but sit in my flat on my own. I see family once a week but even then i don't want to, it's forced and I'm horrible to be around like this. Always snapping at people and ignoring them. I'm aware that I isolate myself but when I don't feel like talking to anyone or doing anything then I just don't. I avoid, avoid, avoid. I'm failing at college, I'm failing at being a good friend/person altogether, failing at anything I'm supposed to do right. I hate myself for it, I hate how I am. I hate OCD most of all. Isolating myself makes me feel rubbish but also gives me time to roominate and my intrusive thoughts snowball til I feel totally hopeless. I don't know what to do anymore. I get help but I just don't use it how I should as I'm not very good at telling them how I feel so we just talk about random stuff and how to take little steps in improving my life with OCD but they don't know the half of it! I frustrate myself because I don't speak up and others too. Christmas should be a time for happiness and celebration but I don't feel like it. Especially when the one person I loved more than anything and anyone isn't here anymore so first christmas without her

[Guest imalright]

Do you think putting a plan in place would help...? Because whatever you're doing now isn't working :-)

I.E - take every one of the things you post above that are causing you unhappiness and come up with a plan or steps to change.

You have a great self awareness of the areas that you aren't doing so well in. Perhaps it's time to put a plan in place for change.

I.E 'Isolating myself makes me feel rubbish and hopeless'. Plan to change - volunteer. Or spend more time with others.

And 'I'm failing at college'. Plan to change - ask tutor for support.

And 'I don't have a job'. Plan to change - job search, ask the job centre to assist me or contact the access to work scheme.

'I get help but don't do what I need to do'. Plan - speak to therapist about true feelings.

You could also write a list of all the things that make you worse or are unhealthy and then correct them. I.E - 'i spend a lot of times indoors and don't go out'. Correction - I will learn how to run. Or 'I will force myself to get out for a walk every day'.

:-)

[Hal]

Hi liss,

We're sold this myth that Christmas has to be perfect, that we must feel happy and have fun, but we can't go from coping each day as we all do with this disorder and suddenly just because it's the 25th of December wake up well and happy, as much as we wish we could.

I think everyone puts way too much pressure on themselves this time of year to create the myth we're sold by the media and all we end up doing is feeling worse because we don't live up to the impossible expectations we've been sold......for a long time I dreaded it too, but nowadays I try to treat it like any other day and w/o that pressure I'd heap on myself I seem to be able to relax more...........but this is a regular year for me.

I'm sorry this is the first year for you without the person who meant so much to you, that must be very difficult on top of the depression and the OCD.......I think really all you can do is accept this Christmas may not be the best for you, but you being there will help make your family's Christmas for them.....I'm sure they know how difficult it will be for you and appreciate you've made the effort for their sakes.

If I'm honest, I think the depression you're coping with is distorting a lot about how you view yourself, you're being very hard on yourself over your college work and friendships......you've got to remember you're coping with a vicious disorder, that's one hell of a monkey to be carrying around, but I'm sure with the right help you can jettison it and have the freedom to focus more on college and friends............

I'm not sure if the person you're talking things through with is a CBT therapist, ideally they should be, but if you could feel more comfortable talking about how you feel and the nature of the thoughts, I think that would make a huge difference for you.

I also found it difficult to talk freely about my problems with my therapist, but the thing is, a good therapist who specialises in treating OCD will have heard it all before......would it help to talk about them here where everything's anonymous and amongst people who know what you're going through?

But please, don't hate yourself, by all means hate the OCD, but you're not OCD or the thoughts......with time, things will get easier for you and I'm sure Christmas's to come will be better, but for this one, it's enough to be kind to and value yourself.........it's just one day.

Hal :original:

[Symps07]

Hi liss6794,

I'm sorry to hear you are having a rough time at the moment, tbh, I'm not a big fan of Christmas, it's always a big build up & little reward plus it's far to commercial these days. Although I do like Christmas Eve...

I started therapy yesterday for my OCD & low mood, (it's my second time seeing a CBT therapist). This time I'm determined to do whatever it takes to rid myself of this horrible condition.

I can completely understand that you find it hard to tell your therapist the full extent of your problems, I did first time, so this time, I wrote everything down, the triggers, the obsessions, the compulsions, how I feel detatched & can't enjoy things properly, & just let her read it. Then we talked about what I had written. Could you try maybe doing this?

I too ruminate like crazy, sessions lasting for hours on end, I have to find distractions, talking to people, watching t.v., going for a walk, etc...

One thing my therapist did give me, is a 'Values Assessment for Behavioural Activation' sheet, which is a sheet with different areas of my life & things I would like to do in those areas. I've not started it yet, but it looks useful (anything to get me motivated will help).

I would agree with what other people above have suggested, talk to people. They are a lot more sympathetic than you think. Personally, I printed off the page's here on OCD UK about what OCD is & the various forms of it, & let people read them. They helped my friends & family to understand a little of what I am going through. I also showed my parents some of the case studies of other sufferers.

I agree with HAL, why not explain your OCD on here? It's anonymous, & you'll soon find there's other going through the same & similar things.

I hope you keep fighting this, it does get better :original:

Edited December 20, 2014 by Symps07