Yrrow

Hi Saz. I have been in this situation before. It sounds like the doctor didn't recommend anything outside of monitoring her, so you just need to trust that. Also, something that I try to tell myself is that I can't allow my worrying to introduce unnecessary harms (for instance, the radiation from an unneeded CT scan).

I haven't heard this particular terminology before, but I do this in the form of ruminations/compulsions.

Thanks, Ram. Can you give an example of the valid fear that you reasoned through (re your children)? Was it something there was clearly evidence of? I am having trouble differentiating between valid fears and OCD fears.

I will literally pour a glass of water and get worried about it.

Thank you. But what if I do something wrong and it harms my kids? I can deal with uncertainty and risk if it affects me, but I cannot deal with uncertainty with children. I could never live with myself. I am having such a hard time being able to tell if something is just an intrusive thought. What if I really don't feel like I know something is just a thought? Or I did some type of mistake with serious consequences?

Nothing I do feels right unless I make sure I am focused and completely concentrating. Obviously half the stuff people do each day is habitual, but I am afraid I don't do things right unless I am completely focused or I may have done something wrong without realizing it. Then I have to repeat things until it feels right or if it's something I can't repeat I feel anxious until I know nothing bad has happened. My chest constantly feels tight, and I can't distract myself because it is just constant.

To clarify.... Do you think something is still OCD if you are doubting something right after you did it? In other words, so instantaneously that there has not been time to ruminate? I am confused and not sure what to do. My memory is perfect for mundane things that don't matter. But I don't feel comfortable separating whether something is just a thought.

This is may sound like I am asking for reassurance, and I am not asking for affirmation of an OCD diagnosis. However, I am getting worried about my short-term memory and I would love some opinions about whether I should look into this further. Right after I do something, I am questioning whether I did it. And unless I take extreme measures to focus, I am not sure whether I did something. Granted, I am sleep deprived, but I don't think this is great enough of an explanation for what I am experiencing. I know this probably sounds ridiculous, but it is causing me so much distress. I know constantly being in my head can lead to difficulty concentrating, but I just don't know how to deal with this. And I truly cannot differentiate between an irrational thought versus a realistic concern. And in some situations, the consequences of not knowing whether I did something could be severe (for instance, did I give a double-dose of medication?).

You are assuming that just because you had this thought it must somehow be meaningful. The more you try to sort out the scenario and the more images you try to conjure, the more real it will seem and the more confused you will get. The more you check your memory, the more difficult it will be to differentiate real from imagined. You need to try to leave it alone and stop the memory-checking compulsion. Do something else. Trying to figure things out will never provide you with any useful information or relief--just more confusion and fear.

Welcome, Ram. I would love to hear more about how you've learned to sort thoughts into potentially OCD irrational vs. potentially rational. Is this specifically mentioned in the book you referenced? This is something I truly struggle with.

Thank you again, PolarBear. Trying my best to follow your advice.

Could somebody maybe explain to me what is meant by core beliefs and values? It's my understanding that OCD targets your core beliefs and people don't tend to go against core values. I am worried though because how does this account for situations when you are upset or angry, may not be thinking rationally, and so on? If I was perfect I think I could feel comfortable that I could never go against my core values, but it's not like I've never done anything wrong before.

I will try. Thank you very much.

That's why I am so confused. The couple of times I spoke to a therapist they just kept saying I was a good person. I feel like I need more evidence that I actually am though. And I don't have enough faith in myself to know I am if I can't even trust my memories.

Many thanks to both of you. I already feel guilty for taking it off and I'm not sure if good people would do things like this.