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Pure-OCD, hallucination worries


Guest takeacti0n

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Guest takeacti0n

So I am 27 and have had PURE-OCD ever since I was a child but it didn't become severe until I was about 21. It comes and goes in severity but lately it has been extremely bad.

My biggest fear is going schizophrenic, and losing my mind. I've worried about hearing things, but lately I keep worrying about seeing things. When I'm talking to people and thinking about OCD and losing my mind, I will see things out of the corner of my eye...for instance, mistake a tree for a person or a log for dog. It's like I'm hyper vigilant and my brain is jumping to conclusions when it comes to my image processing.
Lately when I am talking to people I think I am starting to hallucinate that their eyes flash to demon eyes. I know they really aren't a demon and typing the "hallucinations" only happen when I'm conciously thinking about my OCD or when I'm stressed which is pretty often these days. This goes right along with the schizophrenia themes...
The thing is it's like I'm unsure if I'm hallucinating it or justs my imagination. My OCD is feeding on these fears and convincing me I'm losing my mind
I haven't been sleeping much lately and have been really stressed.
Any tips or opinions? I'm working with a therapist and have been completely transparent with her about all of this. This super brief mild hallucinations, if you can even call them that, have happened in the past but lately I have been focusing on them and been researching it non stop. I have spent the past two-three hours researching OCD, anxiety, DP/DR hallucinations.
I've had every OCD theme previously...HIV, HOCD, Harm OCD, Pedo OCD, etc...
I think this is my imagination on overdrive plus anxiety and lack of sleep. But I am starting to worry this is possibly something more...
**** you OCD, sorry for all the posts lately...but seriously I'm not doing so well.
Once I get through this I'm dedicating my life to helping people with mental illness.
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Hi takeacti0n, sorry you're suffering so much right now. Sounds like our OCD is quite similar in content. I'm struggling with harm thoughts now but schizophrenia was a theme for me in the past. I think anything you do to try to figure out whether it's really hallucinations is most likely a compulsion and should be avoided. My schizophrenia obsession only stopped when I decided there was no way to know for sure and I'd have to just accept that uncertainty. It sucks because we all want to be sure, especially of whether our worst fears will come true but trying to determine the truth is the problem. If you really have hallucinations, you'll have to deal with that in some other way, but for now, have faith that it's OCD and stop making your fear worse and worse. Good luck!

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One thing you need to do is stop researching. Stop Googling. It's doing you no good.

What's happening is that your OCD has latched onto the thought of you having schizophrenia. You perform compulsions around that (ruminating, researching), which doesn't help but ends up fixating your mind on the perceived problem. Pretty soon all you're thinking about is your alleged problem and you start seeing things that aren't really there.

Like with all forms of OCD you need to identify the compulsions you perform and work very hard to stop doing them. The compulsions you perform are not doing you any favors. In fact they are making the situation much worse.

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