Struggling with real memories

[Guest It'sOnlyNatural]

I am having some of the worst intrusive thoughts I've ever had and they're all based on things I have actually thought/done in the past.

I mean, mostly when I was really young (say, 9 years old) but they're making me so overwhelmingly guilty. Like sexual things I used to do before I even really knew that is what it was (sometimes even involving other people and once my brother, although I never did anything to him and was never aroused by him and would never do anything like that ever......obviously). It just makes me feel sick with guilt - like I should die.

I am also starting to get POCD (sorry I know abbreviations are not encouraged but I don't want to type out the full word). Which is just so ridiculous - a few months ago I had no issues whatsoever with this.

This is totally destroying me. I don't think I can ever move on from this because these things are in the past - I have actually done them. Everyone says people with OCD don't act on their thoughts and so on, but I feel like I already have.

[frankie]

I have felt like this ....ocd can make you have horrific thoughts but also has a knack of focusing on things from your past

You were very young

Saying forget about it , don't worry etc won't help

Just try and accept that at this point in time you are obsessing over past events .....ruminating is the medical term I think .....and this will not always be with you .....and if it comes back and becomes intense and too much for you to handle , seek help advice and support on here and from your doctor

Take care

[Guest OCD_Est.1982]

I'm having trouble like this as well. Think it's why I'm going through such a low patch.

Although I've always had trouble sleeping, when I can get to sleep it normally allows me to shut off from the OCD and get some peace. But now I dread going to sleep and yet I'm so tired. I keep dreaming about certain events in my childhood that triggered my OCD.

I wife's getting fed up because I'm constantly shouting out in my sleep and I end up getting up feeling even more exhausted than when I went to bed.

Memories are right pain in the glutinous maximus. If only we could selectively erase some of them.

[frankie]

The usual questions would apply , are you under stress , are you on meds that are helping , can you speak to your doctor or psychiatrist if you have one etc

I know what you are going through , its very upsetting and all I can do is offer suggestions

Maybe ask Ashley

[Guest OCD_Est.1982]

When I've had this trouble in the past I have asked my psychiatrist as well as my psychiatric nurse,but they just want to focus on the OCD itself and kind of brush off the sleeping issues.

I have been given Valium before, but they are very reluctant to prescribe that now. Tbh these are more like night terrors. I've thrown myself out of the bed injuring myself on the bedside cabinet and I've even attacked my wife, which I feel awful about but don't even remember doing it.

It's getting ridiculous and I have read about some sufferers throwing themselves out of bedroom windows, which is obviously concerning.

[frankie]

I have never attacked anyone and if you have don't feel guilty but I have had night terrors and they are horrible

My peace goes out to you

[Caramoole]

If everyone (sufferers and non-sufferers alike) posted [honestly] about their sexual thoughts, experiments and experiences from about 9 years on, they may be surprised to see just how normal a, and common experience they are. From incestual to homosexual, (even) bestial or whatever....they are part of development and many, many (in fact most) have been there to some degree.....Most (understandably) just don't talk about it, hence it's not common knowledge.

It is, however, part of the natural growing up, development process even though it's not talked about openly

Even where you've done things as a youngster......it's okay to forgive and let go. They were childhood things......... Don't let the OCD you suffer from today blow them out of proportion

[seb79]

Needed to hear this today. Thanks

[Guest It'sOnlyNatural]

If everyone (sufferers and non-sufferers alike) posted [honestly] about their sexual thoughts, experiments and experiences from about 9 years on, they may be surprised to see just how normal a, and common experience they are. From incestual to homosexual, (even) bestial or whatever....they are part of development and many, many (in fact most) have been there to some degree.....Most (understandably) just don't talk about it, hence it's not common knowledge.

It is, however, part of the natural growing up, development process even though it's not talked about openly

Even where you've done things as a youngster......it's okay to forgive and let go. They were childhood things......... Don't let the OCD you suffer from today blow them out of proportion

Thanks Caramoole that does help a bit - I just can't seem to get over this at all!