What if thought

[NJ321]

How do I stop a thought in my mind where if something different happened than what occurred. I was out picking something up a little earlier & as I was leaving I seen a kid with their parent in one aisle. I went in the aisle next to it as I was leaving, but kept having some thought about what if the kid was going to come into my direction at the end of my aisle as I was walking. My mind is thinking like I could have possibly touched him if that happened like I wanted to or by accident. It's like I know I did nothing wrong, but I'm thinking what if they moved in my direction I don't know how I would have reacted since I was having a weird reaction or something as I was walking down the aisle.

[PolarBear]

You really need to start recognizing these instances as OCD obsessions.

[NJ321]

You really need to start recognizing these instances as OCD obsessions.

It's like I know it is, but every single time I doubt myself. Of course I know this is a compulsion, but I keep going over it in my mind of what if the kid went into my direction, what would I have done in that instance. And of course my mind is thinking of the worst case scenario that I would have done something bad due to how I was feeling in that moment & I can't get it out of my mind.

Edited September 23, 2015 by NJ321

[PolarBear]

Going over it in your mind is your compulsion. Guaranteed to keep the matter top of mind where it will bother you more.

It is common for people to believe that the newest obsesdion is different, more real, somehow changed than all the ones that came before. You need to look at the signs, check the similarity.

It's a thought that just popped into your head. It's repetitive. It caused you anxiety. You've an incredible urge to go over the incident in your head. It's OCD and it's just like all your other obsessions.

Treat it as OCD. Start now.

[NJ321]

Going over it in your mind is your compulsion. Guaranteed to keep the matter top of mind where it will bother you more.

It is common for people to believe that the newest obsesdion is different, more real, somehow changed than all the ones that came before. You need to look at the signs, check the similarity.

It's a thought that just popped into your head. It's repetitive. It caused you anxiety. You've an incredible urge to go over the incident in your head. It's OCD and it's just like all your other obsessions.

Treat it as OCD. Start now.

But how do I know I would have done the right thing if things happened differently? That's what bothers me the most. I didn't do anything wrong, but my mind is making me feel uncomfortable with the fact that what if the kid came near me like I envisioned happening in my mind as I was walking.

[PolarBear]

What you have to do is stop trying to figure out what you could have done. No good will come from you thinking about this more.

You can rest assured that your previous acts upon seeing a child are a good indicator of what you'll do in the future. Nothing.

Now work to leave this matter alone. Move forward. Don't stay stuck.

[NJ321]

Why is it when even though I did nothing wrong I still have this bothering me. My mind is making me think I wanted them to come into contact with me in the aisle I was in as I was walking out I guess due to how I was feeling & the thoughts in that moment. I know it's a compulsion to keep thinking about it but it keeps going on in my mind automatically.

Edited September 24, 2015 by NJ321

[PolarBear]

It's an obsession. It's an intrusive thought that you don't want, that pops into your head uninvited, that tends to be repetitive and that causes you anxiety. That's what it is, an obsession. In response you do compulsions, which reinforces the obsessions and ensure they'll come back stronger in the future.

You're still not getting it NJ. You have OCD. This is all ocd.

Edited September 24, 2015 by PolarBear

[NJ321]

It's an obsession. It's an intrusive thought that you don't want, that pops into your head uninvited, that tends to be repetitive and that causes you anxiety. That's what it is, an obsession. In response you do compulsions, which reinforces the obsessions and ensure they'll come back stronger in the future.

You're still not getting it NJ. You have OCD. This is all ocd.

But why does it always feel like in the moment that you could possibly like the thought or have some weird feeling. Than afterwards it makes you wonder about it like you could have done something.

[PolarBear]

That is the nature of obsessions. People get urges, impulses, making them think they could do what their thoughts are telling them. It's all perfectly normal in an OCD world.

It's all OCD.

Edited September 24, 2015 by PolarBear

[NJ321]

I don't know why I would be looking on the side of where the kid was though as I was walking. I don't know exactly what I was thinking or feeling. I think I had some sort of groinal response briefly as well. Even if I didn't act on the thoughts but was having thoughts like I wanted them to bump into me, is that still OCD? It's like my mind felt blank as I was walking. What's the difference between an OCD thought & a thought you want to actually happen?

[PolarBear]

Look you are obviously distressed about what happened. That's OCD. If you had wanted that thought you wouldn't be distressed about it.

You need to start recognizing these thoughts and urges for what they are. It's OCD.

Edited September 24, 2015 by PolarBear

[NJ321]

Look you are obviously distressed about what happened. That's OCD. If you had wanted that thought you wouldn't be distressed about it.

You need to start recognizing these thoughts and urges for what they are. It's OCD.

True, that's a good way to put it. It always seems to happen in a way where when I'm in the moment something happens where I doubt myself, than afterwards I wonder to myself what I was thinking or feeling & if I wanted to do something bad. I guess if I really wanted to do something bad, it wouldn't bother me like it does afterwards.

[PolarBear]

Yup.

[NJ321]

How do I know whether it's truly OCD or not though in these situations? The second guessing always comes back in some way with almost every thought. It always feels like when I'm in the moment that it feels like I want to do something bad or my thoughts/feelings don't match up to my morals in the moment of when it's happening. Than it's only afterwards I say to myself what the hell was that about than feel like an awful person & like I could have easily done something. Is the answer always just to treat it as it's OCD no matter what?

[PolarBear]

Yup.

The problem is not what you initially did. The problem is that you constantly go over what you did in your mind, analyzing it, trying to figure out what it says about you as a person. That's the ocd. Most people would have forgotten about what they did. You fixate on it and it becomes all consuming. That's OCD at work.

[NJ321]

Of course I'm doubting again whether this was even OCD or not. I just don't know. How do you know for 100% sure that something is OCD & not something else? I know people here say to treat it as OCD no matter what, but what if in certain circumstances it might not be?

[PolarBear]

The simple fact that you keep going over this and won't let it go speaks to ocd. Nothing we say is going to end your doubt. Treat it as OCD or keep trying to figure it out endlessly.

[Caramoole]

The sad fact is that we can't have that 100% certainty. That's the main thing we have to give up on

[NJ321]

This thought is bothering me a bit today again. Doubting myself about whether I wanted something to happen as it was happening. I just hate how in the moment it feels much different than the aftermath of it. As the moment is happening it feels like you want something to happen that you're morally against, but it's when you're thinking about it in the mind afterwards you ask yourself what was going on. That's when the doubt comes in since it feels different as you're thinking about it than when it's actually happening. That's why I always seem to doubt myself.

[PolarBear]

You need to stop trying to figure out if you wanted something to happen or not. Leave the question unanswered. Stop analyzing what happened. Leave it alone. Going over it in your head, analyzing and trying to figure it out are all compulsions.

[NJ321]

You need to stop trying to figure out if you wanted something to happen or not. Leave the question unanswered. Stop analyzing what happened. Leave it alone. Going over it in your head, analyzing and trying to figure it out are all compulsions.

But not knowing makes it even worse. What bothers me is that as I was walking down the one aisle, I was having images of them running right into my direction. And I kept walking as I was thinking this. And then as I was at the end of the aisle I looked to the corner of my eye to see where the kid was as I was walking. I just don't know if I had a feeling like I wanted something to happen or not. I keep going back & forth in my mind where I feel it's just OCD & than I think I possibly felt like I wanted them to run into me or something. I just hate dealing with this. If one thought goes away, another one starts to bother me & the cycle goes on & on.

[PolarBear]

Trying to figure it out won't work. It will only keep you stuck. You have to leave it alone, refuse to go over it in your head. Let it die from apathy. It's the way forward. If you keep doing what you've been doing (compulsions) you'll just stay stuck right where you are.