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OCD & depression


Guest loribee

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Hi everyone :)

I haven't been on here for a while but I just wanted to ask if anyone has experience or advice on OCD & depression.

My son is 16 and just started college (which I'm really proud of him for how well he's done so far) but most of the time he just seems very negative about life in general.

His next cbt visit we have been told will be his last but he has told me that cbt hasn't helped at all,the therapist hasn't helped him in anyway and he just seems very angry at the world and that the OCD is just a side effect for all his anger and feelings,that it's not worth it and there's only one way out.

He just seems to see a life with darkness,nothing good will ever happen and why should he change the way he thinks as the OCD is the only thing he feels he has of his own as everything else has been taken away?

I never know what to say to him when he is like this as I could say something thinking it as a positive thing,something to look forward to but he will automatically jump down my throat,accusing me of not understanding and that's it's all rubbish.

Everyday I'm forever worrying if he gets so down he will do something silly. He self harms (but he has actually not done it in 2 months or so)he has also had suicidal thoughts (he is currently on 150mg sertraline a day) but is depression just part of the OCD and will this outlook change?

Sorry to maybe sound petty but now days all I seem to do is constantly worry about him which is making me feel tired and down and I too have lost interest in doing anything including housework. When I'm at work I'm worried he'll hurt himself,if I'm out and he's at home on his own I'm worrying. I constantly check on him and I even wait outside in my car while he's in college just in case he becomes anxious and needs to get away for a bit.

I would rather take his OCD for him so he can just be happy and not have to worry or feel sad or angry but it sometimes feels like your fighting a Losing battle.

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It is possible that depression is a result of the OCD. It is also possible his depression is a separate condition, comorbid with OCD.

I was depressed along with my OCD. Once the OCD was cleared up, I found myself not depressed any longer. However, if someone is showing signs of severe depression, you should consider the possibility that it is a separate disorder that should be handled separately.

Has he talked to anyone specifically about his depression?

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Thank you PolarBear :)

I've only been to one cbt session with him and he just seemed to clam up and look at the floor and when the therapist asked him a question,all he would say is I'm done. I don't know what he says to her or his psychologist on his own,as they can not discuss it with me unless they ask him first which I completely understand.

He says he feels that he can talk to me and feels comfortable but I worry he doesn't tell me everything. He has just got in touch with his councillor from his last school and I think he's told her pretty much everything.

Unfortunately,my son was mentally abused and hit by my ex husband when he was very young which I knew nothing of until a year or so ago so I think this has caused all of my sons problems and his school councillor thinks it could also possibly be like post traumatic stress but he will not tell his therapist and I don't even know if he has been asked about his past as they have not mentioned or asked for anything like this.

I can't afford to take him to a private therapist or psychologist so I don't really know what to do anymore?

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I'm not familiar with the UK medical system but it certainly sounds like your son has some other problems besides OCD. I've read that depression often has its roots in childhood and that would seem to hold true for your son, given what happened to him.

It may well be that your son just doesn't get along with his current therapist. These types of things happen. He may not even realize that all of this is connected together and doesn't feel like he should bother opening up about his depression and the abuse. Perhaps some kind, straight forward words from you that it is okay to talk about those things would help.

Hopefully someone else with some more experience with how things work in the UK will respond to your post. I'm sure there is something that can be done. Although he is already 16, you never stop being your child's advocate. The fact that you are speaking up for him and wanting a positive change is a good thing.

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Again,thank you PolarBear.

I'd never give up on my son especially as I feel guilty that I didn't know this was all going on when he was so young. I know they'll be good and bad days. I just need to give myself a boot up the backside and speak to my son so we can try and move forward and try and bring back the hope he feels is missing. I appreciate your advice :)

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There were a number of things in your post that made me think.

Firstly it is very difficult to definitely say "cause and effect". Some people are definitely affected by what happens to them, others not so much. My own husband's father was a violent alcoholic. It has damaged my husband's brother and sister much more than it affected him. I'm not saying he was not traumatized, because he was. But he says he often used to go off alone and think things through alot. And he has just grown up different. I don't know how or why. Differences in personalities - who knows.

Depression is not always linked to an earlier event/events. Sometimes it is. Often it isn't. My mother has had severe depressive episodes, and she went through alot of therapy to identify the cause. In the end she just accepted that she sometimes had a chemical imbalance that caused the depression. They never found any other cause.

But if something traumatic has happened, that it is a good idea to work through it with a therapist.

It is possible for you to write a letter to the therapist about what he has told you his Dad did to him when he was a child. And are you sure it did happen?

Secondly keep on fighting to get access to therapy, and to a therapist your son can open up to.

Thirdly, you cannot live you life on the edge all the time, waiting in the background "incase" he needs your help and support. It isn't healthy for him or you. He needs to attempt to do what he can, maybe in graduated steps, but attempt it and succeed because that is how his confidence will grow and the fear/anxiety will lessen.

You need to stop feeling so guilty - because I wonder if your protective behaviour towards your son now is due to feeling guilty about the past. I think you should definately be his advocate, but work together and agree what he is able to expose himself to and cope with.

My son is 13 and currently out of school due to OCD. We are going to be working on a graduated return. And sometimes something really small is very significant. For example, my son washed some cups today - for the first time! He has contamination OCD. So that was a big thing for him.

It is very difficult to try to imagine what OCD is like for the person that has it. It must become such a natural thought process that it could appear to be part of who you are and how you will continue to be. And it must be hard to identify what part of you is you and what part is OCD. For a long time my son thought his OCD thought processes were actually protecting him.

Finally I am a great believer in trying to find things you enjoy doing, or things that make you laught [funny films etc]. I really believe that positive feelings alter the chemical balance in your brain for the better. So if there is anything he enjoys doing, seeing, going to - then do more of it.

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Thank you Sally :)

I totally understand and agree with the points you have raised. I definitely feel that in some ways I do baby him a bit to much and I definitely feel totally guilty over his past but I have mentioned this before and he tells me he's not angry with me and he doesn't blame me so this is something I need to work on myself,but we have been working with his college to try and help him feel comfortable and succeed with his courses and so far things seem to be going really well and he's settling. We still have a couple of issues but we will work through it together.

It's so nice to hear about your son and him washing up :) what a massive achievement for him.

We took a trip to the cinema the other day which was really nice and I will definitely be finding a weekly activity that we can do as a family and enjoy together.

Best wishes to you and your family :)

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Glad things seem to be working for your son in college.

My son is currently on a part time return to school [after school holidays]. It really helps if the school/college can be flexible and understand how to support students with anxiety.

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Hi! Is it possible that maybe your son feels pressure to open up and that has the opposite effect? Many times we just want to not be asked anymore, so we can then - as our own initiative - speak up. Especially when we're young. I did the same thing with another disease: my mother was just freaking out and constantly asking what I feel, why I'm not open to treatment yet, when will I be and so on, all the time. The trick was, I would have never opened up if she hadn't stopped pressuring me. It had to be my decision, according to my timing. Basically, I needed to feel free first.

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I agree. The Clinical Psychologist has told us NOT to talk to our son about his OCD, because talking just keeps it going around in his head. And I know my son does not want to talk about it. Because he says so. We [parents, family members and friends] often feel that 'talking' will help. Sometimes it is the opposite. As a parent it is hard to stop yourself asking 'why' all the time or 'what are you thinking' etc. We are just trying to get some kind of understanding/insight - but for our son he sometimes cannot even say the words because 'saying' them contaminates him.

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