How do others cope with workmen in house?

[daisy]

Hello to all,

As the title says how do you cope?

My OCD is very severe mainly contamination,and have just had to have my yearly central heating checked,i put plastic sheeting on carpet,and explained to him that i have OCD,he mainly stayed on the plastic but then came off on to the carpet,my partner was supposed to be watching him but instead was in a world of his own playing games on his phone!

Anyway i saw the engineer go on the carpet but am not sure where exactly he went!

My instincts and sheer terror is telling me i have to wash it all(the carpet)but i havn't got the energy as i have fibromyalgia plus i would have to keep doing it!My partner will do the bit where i think he went but i really am not sure where he went.

I used to have to wash where the plastic sheeting has been(as i feel that could be dirty) but i have been able to just spray that with Dettol in the past and think that i will be able to do that and live with the anxiety not too sure today though to be honest!

Please help any advice would be very much appreciated.

Thanks x

[Guest AJ45]

Hi Daisy. I know you are trying to beat this thing. I know it would be hard to just not do anything!

If it helps I wouldn't wash or spray the carpet , My partner would just hoover anywhere he knew the workman had been. I would have to just live with it all after that.

That is a compulsion and would cause massive anxiety if it wasn't done .

Daisy, your partner can't watch every move they make , I have had so many arguments over the need to monitor movements and I now understand there is a limit!

[daisy]

Thanks AJ,

I know really thats what i should do but the point is i can't be sure where the workman went!

I am not having a go at my partner(even tho i am a bit upset as he was there and said he was watching)

I am so fed up with all this and all that is going on in general in my life,i really can't cope! x

[Guest lizinlondon]

Hi Daisy

The ideal reaction to help overcome your OCD is to do nothing. You don't need to hoover or clean the carpet. There is no real danger there. This is purely your OCD.

A lot easier said than done I know but we have to learn to live with the anxiety. A bit of anxiety now is nothing compared with living in the emotional prison that is OCD.

Take care x

[daisy]

Thanks liz

I am trying to live with the anxiety,but i am sure i can smell dog faeces in the house,but may well be my imagination!

I have been trying to overcome this for nearly 40 years x

[Guest Tricia]

Hi Daisy

The ideal reaction to help overcome your OCD is to do nothing. You don't need to hoover or clean the carpet. There is no real danger there. This is purely your OCD.

A lot easier said than done I know but we have to learn to live with the anxiety. A bit of anxiety now is nothing compared with living in the emotional prison that is OCD.

Take care x

I think the problem is that our experiences differ so much.

Daisy, I agree with Liz about the ideal reaction. However, it is not that simple and I know how much you've faced, including extreme stuff at the Bethlem.

Liz, if only it were a 'bit of anxiety'. The trouble is, for many of us, it's terror (of a life and death kind). Daisy has tried doing nothing at such times, but that doesn't work for all of us.

I realized, years ago, that even two people with the same fear (and the same level of it) can react very differently to exposure. I took a friend, Bill, who has OCD, to meet one of my other friends. This man had a dog and both Bill and I are terrified of dog faeces (like Daisy). My friend had promised to keep his dog away from us, but I think he decided it would be good therapy and he allowed the dog to jump all over us. Bill and I had already seen the state of the back garden, where clearly the dog owner failed to clean up any mess. It was like a minefield and the dog had just ploughed right through it before he jumped on us!

Bill and I were wrecks and could barely speak during the long journey home. Both of us had declared our clothes were fit only for incineration. However, although my fear remained, by the time Bill had travelled the extra few miles to his own home, his fear had reduced so much that he was able to go straight into his house with his 'contaminated' clothes and sit on his sofa and bed. He wore the same jeans again the following day without any anxiety.

I kept my clothes, but ten years on they still feel terribly contaminated to me...

Daisy, this may seem of no help to you, but I can't bear to see you judging yourself and feeling you've failed somehow. We are just all different! Two people can face the same fear and be just as brave, but react very differently.

I don't think it was much to ask of your partner to watch the engineer for half an hour and I am so sorry this has happened. I know you are not well enough to clean the carpet, but I would ask your partner to, as I know it will stress you for months if you don't. Then I would go out and try to take your mind of it.

The smell may well be the power of your mind. I have also smelt things that I now feel were due to the power of my mind. I always recall how my dad could smell tobacco when anyone on the television was smoking! He said it was strong, too!

You have battled this so long and I really think it's worth trying something different, Maybe the LENS we were talking about.

Try to focus on your holiday, Daisy. You've had a hell of a year and last year was bad, too. It's no wonder your OCD is so severe.

xx

Edited September 18, 2014 by Tricia

[Phili]

Try to find a compromise if you can't ignore it completely, just shake some vanish on the carpet and hoover and try to put it to the back of your mind ^^ I know its not easy but you can do it

[PolarBear]

Tricia, I want to commend you on your post. You've reminded me its not so easy for some people to just not perform compulsions. It can be overwhelming and sometimes it has to be a case of baby steps. Thank you.

daisy, try to reach a compromise in how you deal with the situation. Try to choose a solution that mostly satisfies you but may cause a small amount of anxiety.

[daisy]

Thank you Tricia for your very supportive message,what you have said is so true,i did and still do feel sheer terror of the carpet.

My partner did just wipe the carpet over but it caused a row first,even though he had offered to do it!

He is adament that the workman did not step where i saw him,and i know i am not imagining things(if only i were)

Your experience with your friend just shows how people can differ even if they are just as terrified of the same thing,and yet people think that everyone can be the same,just face the fear and after a while the anxiety will come down,well for some it does but there are an awful lot of people whose anxiety doesn't come down,i have been out since about 1 o'clock and am still just as terrified as i was before!

It looks like i will have to try and do something about it myself when my partner is not here,as he will only start shouting again,and i am nearly at breaking point anyway!

I will definately be looking into the LENS treatment,thank you.

Thanks again Tricia your comments were very helpful.

Take care xx

[daisy]

Hi Phili and PolarBear

Thank you both for your comments also,it really does help that people care enough to respond x

[Guest Tricia]

Daisy, being shouted at, of course, makes the OCD even worse.

How are you feeling today? xx

Tricia, I want to commend you on your post. You've reminded me its not so easy for some people to just not perform compulsions. It can be overwhelming and sometimes it has to be a case of baby steps. Thank you.

daisy, try to reach a compromise in how you deal with the situation. Try to choose a solution that mostly satisfies you but may cause a small amount of anxiety.

Thank you, PolarBear.

My friend tried to help me for over a year (after the incident with the dog) and I went along with all his suggested therapy. He could not understand why facing many things on a daily basis didn't lead to a reduction in anxiety. The very strange thing is, as a child ERP worked like a dream for me - and I didn't even have professional guidance, as the psychiatrist I was seeing (from age 7) had no idea what to advise. So, even the same brain, at a different time, seems capable of reacting differently. I even feel I have a little more knowledge than I had as a child! I wish I knew what I was doing wrong...

[Guest Adam Samson]

Hi Daisy,

I share your fears about the state of the carpet after having workmen in the house. What sometimes helps me in these situations is to remember that every carpet in every house in the country has at least a few molecules of dog faeces on it, plus some molecules of other yukky substances, corrosive chemicals, and germs. You wouldn't notice them without doing laboratory tests but they are there nevertheless. Extreme precautions and extreme cleaning will never get any carpet 100% clean. So the difference between the normal state of your carpet (which you can tolerate) and the state of your carpet now is only a matter of degree; it's not black & white like the the difference between having some dog faeces and having none. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone else. It's just something that helps me keep things in perspective and to put up with a slightly lower standard than the absolute perfect standard that my OCD urges me to pursue.

I hope you find the strength to come through this ordeal.

Edited September 19, 2014 by Adam Samson

[Guest nervous]

Hi Daisy I share your feelings as well, my house is my safe zone and I am protective over it and I dont trust anybody but my immediate family. However this has not served me well shutting off my house makes me feel safer but the more I protect it the more fragile it seems. I too would worry about someone coming to do some work in my house, the funny thing is I had worked in blue collar mechanic type jobs until I was into my 40s and didnt worry about it but in the last couple years I fear everything that I cant certify as clean. I don't even have my mom over anymore. I am working on some other exposures right now but what we have to do is start slowly and invite people into our safe zone as we feel we can and then not clean up afterwards. I have spent most of my life "normal" but now I cant even imagine how I had people over at the house all the time and didnt worry about it. I know I used to do it and I will get back to it.

[daisy]

Hi Adam and Nervous,

Thank you for your messages,i am sorry i havn't replied sooner but i am just so depressed and anxious,i am supposed to be taking my son on holiday this monday,iv'e got his care home on my back as well,my partner in a mood,and i am still worried about the carpet!!

My partner threw a clothes airer on the area i'm worried about,and then touched the clean washing,i am sooo down with all this anxiety i have right now!!

Thanks again to all who have replied x

[Guest Tricia]

I'm thinking of you, Daisy. I wish the anxiety would come down. Do you think you'll feel better about the carpet when you return from your holiday?

Thinking about carpets and contamination, reminds me of something else that occurred to my friend Bill. He and his son and daughter-in-law returned from a walk, only to discover that two of them had managed to tread in some dog mess. They had walked through the kitchen and living room and Bill had also trodden it in his bedroom.

He phoned me the next day and explained his reaction. He had actually been hysterical with the fear. His son had been exasperated and sat down in the living room while Bill shook and sobbed - leaving his daughter-in-law to clean the kitchen floor (abiding my Bill's detailed instructions, including throwing the door mat outside. She carefully wiped every tile, several times, with fresh pieces of kitchen towel soaked in Dettol.) This took her almost an hour.

What Bill then said shocked me. However, I am wondering what percentage of people with such a fear would respond as he did. After that hour, he was fine leaving the living room and bedroom carpets, even though there were visible signs of dog excrement on them both. He said they'd vacuum up another day when fully dry, and he was totally relaxed about it.

Daisy, if only you and I responded that way. I think when many speak about riding out the anxiety, that's what they believe will occur. By facing fear it should decrease...

Edited September 20, 2014 by Tricia

[Guest lizinlondon]

I have a similar problem in that my anxiety might reduce one day, but it comes back just as bad the second, and third day etc. For example the carpet situation would cause me repeated anxiety for days even weeks, if I did not clean it. My therapist says to me that I have to keep going through these cycles until it fades, even if this means weeks. Not sure if this will help.

[Guest Tricia]

A lot easier said than done I know but we have to learn to live with the anxiety. A bit of anxiety now is nothing compared with living in the emotional prison that is OCD.

How bad is your anxiety when it remains, Liz?

I have quoted you from an earlier message. I'd agree completely with your statement, if all I was experiencing was a bit of anxiety. The problem is, it's so much more than that.

A therapist once asked me to describe what I feel and I could only say I'd rather be dead than endure that level of fear (for months and longer). The prison of OCD, for me, is easier than that.

Please don't think I am picking holes in your message, Liz, I'm not. And you may well be feeing more than a bit of anxiety, but I have realized we differ so much in what we do experience and also the longevity of very high anxiety varies from person to person.

[Guest lizinlondon]

Well I am really ill with OCD and I come on these forums to get hope that one day I will get better. Lots of people on this forum have given me hope.

I was trying to support Daisy as she asked how other people would cope with the.carpet situation. Now this thread has made.me feel like there.is no hope for me. In fact it has triggered me.and made .me.feel hopeless and ill.

What you are saying is that some people never get better and just live in pain with OCD. If that is the case I might as well give up now. What is the point.

[Guest AJ45]

Liz, don't give up !!! We are all different but suffering the same illness.

[Guest lizinlondon]

I was.trying to stay strong but something in me has been triggered noe and I feel hopeless, like I will be a prisoner forever and lose my life. I did.have hope until today - think I will contact my psychiatrist on Monday and get more help.

[Guest AJ45]

Liz, treat today as a down day, refocus tomorrow.

There is hope because plenty of people on here are better than they were or recovering. And some have recovered.

Personally my ocd issues are not as bad as they have been !

[Guest lizinlondon]

Okay I.will treat it as a.down day and start.again tomorrow. I think I am making the error of magnifying the negatives and forgetting the positives. I will try and get back on track but will check in with my psych as well. Thanks for yoyr encouragement.

[daisy]

Hi Tricia,

Thank you for your messages,you have given some really good examples of how people differ,and my hope is that soon they will find something to help those of us that no matter how we try and face our fears the anxiety,and sheer terror remain xx

[daisy]

Hi Liz,i am sorry if this thread has upset you,but please do as AJ has said and treat it as a bad day,you musn't give up hope,i am still trying to beat it and i know Tricia is as well,all we were trying to point out is that for some the terror continues longer and the anxiety doesn't come down.

Thank you all for your messages,but i am going to ask a moderator to remove this thread x

Edited September 21, 2014 by daisy

[Ashley]

Well I am really ill with OCD and I come on these forums to get hope that one day I will get better. Lots of people on this forum have given me hope.

I was trying to support Daisy as she asked how other people would cope with the.carpet situation. Now this thread has made.me feel like there.is no hope for me. In fact it has triggered me.and made .me.feel hopeless and ill.

What you are saying is that some people never get better and just live in pain with OCD. If that is the case I might as well give up now. What is the point.

I am so sorry to read this Liz. I promise you there is always hope. I wrote on Twitter yesterday that some people have their own belief about overcoming OCD, that is their choice. I personally believe it can be cured (yes everyone I used the C word!), I have to believe it because if I don't I am giving permission to the OCD to stay with me for the rest of my life, and I don't want to do that. For me belief is key, it may still take me years to get to the C word point (where OCD is not diagnosed) but I will keep believing I can get there, and keep pushing myself all I can to, even if it takes me another 10 years.

For me it is vital that the charity continue to broadcast the message that there is a possibility of life without OCD. It is not easy to get to that point, and we need better access to good therapy, but it is possible.

Please believe there is hope Liz, there is a possibility of life without OCD I promise, I hope one day I can join the ranks of those who have achieved it to offer some more evidence of it being possible.

Back to the original thread question, there are times where we have to do things even if we don't like it or feel comfortable with it. I still don't like workmen coming into my flat and now cottage. I try not to vacuum at all unless I see dirt, but sometimes the OCD is too much and I have an urge to vacuum. I don't like to do it, but I force myself to walk barefoot through the area for several hours before I vacuum. The more I have done this, the easier it becomes to tolerate it and not go straight into OCD cleaning mode.

That's the key with all aspects of OCD, we might not like doing certain exercises or exposures, we might not feel comfortable doing it, but we must.