I Really Don't Know What To Do Can't Cope......

[daisy]

Hi All,

As the title says i really can't cope,i have felt so bad for so long,i am trying to keep going but i am in such a muddle with my life,and am so deeply unhappy,i am trying so hard to keep going,but i feel so physically ill as well as how my OCD is affecting me.

My partner is still being funny with me,he is off to see his kids tonight,i said i would go(even though it would be difficult) but he is now saying they don't want me there,then it's he doesn't want me there.

He is also going to a funeral a long way away,and i had said that if he is going on his own i would go but now he has got his brother and sister going so no need for me to go,he hasn't said yet that i can't go but i won't know anyone there and he is giving me the impression he doesn't want me there anyway.

I just feel so left out of things,if i wasn't so worried and upset i could maybe enjoy the time and get on with some of what i need to do,we are supposed to be going on holiday with my disabled son in 2 weeks time and i have loads to do,but all i am doing is worrying what my partner is doing,and i hate myself for it,i really should be concentrating on myself and my son,but i just want my partner to show me he wants me but to be honest i don't think he does,i wish really i could say to him to leave and stop messing me about,but i am scared as i have become so dependant on him!

I am sorry for posting this,but i am feeling so bad.

Thank you for anyone who has read this xx

[Guest Tricia]

Daisy, there is one thing that helps me, other than having the wonderful support of friendship like yours, and of course my daughter's incredible attitude to my problems, and that is meditation. There is often very little we can do to change how people treat us and we need to find ways to escape all the pressure and pain. It really is worth trying. I have never found such relief in any medication. It truly is worth persevering with. xx

Edited April 19, 2014 by Tricia

[Guest Sisyphus]

I'm sorry you're going through all this Daisy. This thing seems to weaken our position and steal our dignity when it comes to such things. I don't understand any of it I'm afraid but I know it doesn't seem fair.

I hope somehow your partner and his children can get a better understanding of the effects of OCD and find more compassion and empathy towards you.

David x

[daisy]

Thank you both so much for your kind words,it is such a help to know others care,and i really must try Meditation xx

[Guest Sisyphus]

Thank you both so much for your kind words,it is such a help to know others care,and i really must try Meditation xx

I definitely care, it's just really hard to think of anything useful to say when I know I would struggle equally(or more) with such problems myself.

I do wonder how people's other halves appreciate/understand some of the subtle problems that arise from this thing.

Has he read anything like Brain Lock G? You'd think there'd be a course they could attend to equip them with some skills/knowledge about how to act around an OCD sufferer, and more importantly how not to act.

Well meditation is free so you've got nowt to lose trying it!

x

Edited April 19, 2014 by Sisyphus

[daisy]

Thanks again David,no my partner hasn't read anything about OCD,he did come and see a Psychologist once with me but didn't really make any difference.

I appreciate how hard it is to live with someone with severe ocd,but i just wish he would be honest with me as the anxiety about what he is doing is using up so much energy that i could be putting it to better use,which is what i need to do so that i am less reliant on him!

How are you, has your day been ok x

[Guest Sisyphus]

Hey Gill,

That's sad that he hasn't read anything, or is he just not much of a reader anyway? I'm not to be fair. But he could watch stuff on youtube about it? I mean either he wants to be with you or not, and if he wants to be then he needs to make that investment or obviously he won't ever get to grips with your difficulties.

I wonder if some people are impervious to this kind of thing, incapable of understanding.

Yeah I appreciate that energy thing - vicious circle. I find this kind of thing a lot with OCD. It leads to things which make it even worse. A negative feedback loop.

Ah you're so polite! I'm OK thanks. Had a bit of a supermarket apocalypse earlier but I'll live. Suffice to say THERE WILL BE NO CHOCOLATE FOR ANYONE this Easter!

Ah I'll make it up to them after.

The chocolate aisle was like Vietnam though - I couldnt find a square foot that was safe - all I needed was like one minute to think something through. But no, it was like everyone in that shop was in on it. Flying at me from all directions like a demonic tag team. I did a couple of laps to try and lose them, but they were too clever for me. So in the end I thought ""sod it - no chocolate is worth THIS!?" and legged it. Called in an airstrike and retreated to the LZ.

David x

[daisy]

Hey David,you have done it again made me laugh!! I am not in any way laughing at your anxieties,it's just the way you describe it!! I have done exactly the same as you many times in shops,one of these days i will probably have a couple of security guards to contend with!!

If i lived nearer i would bring you some chocolate,my partner actually got too many eggs this year(last year was a problem for me,I had recently lost my dear mum and he decided to clear off on one of his jaunts but got his kids theirs)i had trouble finding some for my son!

I think you ought to write a book!

Take care

Gill x

[Guest Sisyphus]

Well I would Gill but, honsetly, who would read it? The criminally insane maybe? Very limited market and usually with no disposable income.

But thank you for saying that! I'll write you a book, hows that?

I'm glad it made you laugh - it were meant to

And no obviously I know you're not laughing in a bad way!

I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. It's a big deal that. A very big deal. Maybe your son understood in the circumstances though?

David x

Edited April 19, 2014 by Sisyphus

[daisy]

Yes please David,i'd definately read it!

My son has learning disabilities,and doesn't really understand,and to be honest after he was so upset about losing his grandad(he was like a dad to him)i havn't actually told him his gran has passed away,i'm trying to find the right time to tell him,but i know really there will never be a right time so i will tell him when he nexts asks about her,but he has been through so much this last year as well,broken his leg 2 times and is still recovering!

Oh well i think i have my answer where my partner is concerned as yet again as the saying goes out of sight out of mind! Not heard a thing from him! Why am i such an IDIOT!

Times like this i wish i could drink,but i don't like it,so am off to make a cuppa!

Bye for now

Gill x

[Guest Sisyphus]

Oh Gill,

I'm so sorry.

I think maybe you did the right thing with your son - he's lucky to have you there. Broken his lweg twice? Oh no. It sounds like a very difficult situation. I can only think lives like these are tests set from on high. It's the only thing that makes sense to me. How can so much random suffering exist otherwise?

I would view the lack of alcohol in your life as a massive plus in these bad times. It would make everything worse. And the depression that follows ... boufffff. No sir. Not the answer. I nearly mad e joke that would've got me banned then!

I fail to see how you are an idiot. You're just an innocent victim, stretched in too many different directions and lacking the help you need.

Take it easy Gill,

David x

p.s. do you think people would work it out if I gave them eachother's chocolate for Easter? HE he he he he - I smell the beginnings of a cunning scheme. He he he . HA ha ha BWA HA HA HA HAA HA HA HAHA HAHAHA AHHAHAHAHA HAWAHWHWWHA

[daisy]

I'm an idiot for caring and allowing someone to treat me the way my partner does! I have poured my heart out to him and he says he cares but hasn't shown me any compassion for months now! Really i think i know he doesn't care(not enough anyway)i also know he has got his family on at him to leave me,so i just feel that he is using me financially(not that i have a lot)and it is close to mental abuse!

But i am trying to hang on in case he gets over what it is that's bothering him,as we are supposed to be taking my son on holiday in 2 weeks time,and he has already missed 3 holidays plus the time he could of spent at home(he is in a care home)but it really is making me worse and i don't know how to stop thinking and feeling hurt by him! I am no saint believe me but i certainly wouldn't treat someone the way he is,and i wish i could just tell him to go!He may already have made his mind up anyway!My son thinks the world of him as well and i don't want to upset him any more.

I am so sorry to be going on but i just wish i was stronger and better able to cope!

Got to start my nightly routine now and i am so tired,i would just love to go to bed without all the fuss x

ps,what's your scheme regarding the chocolate then! Knowing your luck it will backfire,but sounds fun! x

[Guest Sisyphus]

Oh Gill,

That's made me very sad. Bloody relationships eh. Why do we even bother. I always think of Woody Allen at th end of Annie Hall "Cos we need the eggs" - I'll find you the clip if you haven't seen it.

Well I'm off eggs for the time being cos I got salmonella after my last omelette and ... what the hell am I even talking about any more here? NURSE!?

Anyway something about eggs and relationships. It was very poignant I can tell you.

I hope your son still gets his holiday whatever happens. Poor lad. Oh this kind of thing breaks my heart really. I wish I was rich.

I hope somehow this all resolves itself in a good way Gill. You sound like you've been through enough all in all. I wish I could think of something better to say about all that I really do. Some things in life just suck.

The chocolate scheme is unworkable I've decided - too many moving parts - they'll be all over me like a cheap suit. I'm going to have to go to the damned shop again. I'm thinking (a) bomb threat, (b) break in during the night, © bribe the delivery driver to throw me some chocolate over the wall if I throw him a pony(not a little horse, but £25).

I've just thought of a mystery 4th option: Become a Jehovah's Witness - pretty sure they wouldn't exchange chocolate. Yeah that's looking liek the most viable option at this juncture. Dammit. There's got to be an easier way than this but I'll be damned if I can think of it.

Ha I used to to have a pre-bed routine back when I was working. Like I had to prepare myself for the next day. But the irony was it was a total waste of time because I'd have to go through it all again in the morning anyway. But if I didnt do it I found it very difficult to actually go to bed/sleep. Those were very hard times for me. I hope it never gets that bad again.

Anyway, I hope you get a very good night's sleep Gill. Sleep is a holiday for our poor brains isn't it - we should make the most of it.

goodnight,

David x

Edited April 20, 2014 by Sisyphus

[daisy]

Hi David,did you get your chocolate?

Yes i agree about relationships,i wish i didn't care! I didn't get any sleep last night(well only about an hour)because i stupidly kept looking to see if my partner had text me to say goodnight(he didn't)

Didn't even bother to text today either,i waited as long as i could but ended up texting him late afternoon to see if he was ok(i could of kicked myself after)anyway he has come back in a filthy mood and there has been another big row,and he is going back down there tomorrow to go to a funeral miles away on Tues with his brother and 2 sisters.Turns out he has been with his sister today as well,when we could of done something this evening,there was a special do at the bingo we go to,and tomorrow as well, but he is going to snooker with his kids! I am way down on his list of priorities!

I am really freaking out because he has come in and i feel his clothes are dirty as he has been around dogs,then i will have to go through it all again Tues/wed! This damn OCD just ruins everything,everyone suggested to him to stay where he was tonight and to be honest i would of preferred that,he could of bought a suit or borrowed one!

Anyway enough negativity,iv'e got to come up with a plan to try and help myself to cope on my own! x

[Guest Sisyphus]

Hi Gill,

Oh I got my chocolate alright. and that's all that matters. He he he.

No I'm joking. I apologised and told them I'd make it up to them. Sounded like a huge cop out of course.

Actually I just ate all but 3 rows of one of those big Dairy Milk bars. I feel sick now. Rookie move. I had lost some weight this last week, dammit. It's lucky I never tried any class A drugs because if I like somehting that's it, game over. Same with smoking, alcohol, chocolate. But I surprise myself how much chocolate I can eat in one go. It really is quite disgusting really. That's why I never buy it myself. So Easter is unfortunate for me.

I'm sorry it's all such a mess with your partner. I hope the row was with somebody else, and not with you. And the contamination. Absolute nightmare combination of stuff to deal with.

I need to come up with a plan too. Urgently. My life's a bad joke.

x

[daisy]

Glad you had your chocolate! Iv'e been eating chocolate creme eggs which also is a bad move as i feel sick after, plus i badly need to lose some weight,but unfortunately when i am anxious i eat!!(wrong stuff as well)

No the row was with me unfortunately!I stupidly spelt out my feelings for him and now feel a right pratt,maybe i need to take a different tactic,still you can't make someone love you,but i really don't know how i feel now to be honest!

Need to clear off somewhere for a while i think!

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time too,if you think of anything that helps let me know!

Thank you so much David,for helping me it's much appreciated x(not sure that's good grammar!)

[Guest Sisyphus]

You poor b#gger Gill.

I'm so sorry. You put yourself on the line and got a row in return? Crummy deal if you ask me.

No, alas you can't make someone love you, god knows I tried, but all those restraining orders can't be wrong. Still at least I got some of their shoes. BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Im totally joking, relax.

I think it would be criminally irresponsible for me to give out relationship advice so I will not.

Anything that helps? The only things I can think of will get me banned from the forum I'm afraid

Maybe watch Kundun if you've got it - that's a good film that I find uplifting(well in a kind of serious way I suppose). Or Big Fish.

I think I need to watch a good film tonight after OCD kicked the bejesus out of me for several hours round at my brothers. I don't know why it's so bad today - I was going better about a week ago and now this nonsense again. So sick and tired of it. You can take a joke so far. I really want this brain jive rubbish out of my life for good. I'll volunteer for dangerous therapies! Just point the way!!

Your grammar's fine(not that I am any judge anyway!).

I'd like to clear off somewhere for a while. Money is the only thing stopping me. Well plus OCD I suppose cos it'll just ruin it like it does everything.

David x

[daisy]

Sorry your OCD bad today David,but you did well to get out,iv'e not been out at all the last 2 days!

Plus you have been helping others on here which is good.

Iv'e heard of the film Big Fish,but not Kundan,i hope you find one to watch tonight,you may as well finish off your chocolate!

I really ought to be getting ready for bed as i'm so tired but can't face shower etc,so may just play some of the games on here.

I know what you mean about OCD ruining everything!

Anyway thanks again David,hope you manage to sleep well x

[Guest Sisyphus]

I don't have access to the games as I'm not a member.

I bet they're really great too

You should try and watch Kundun - it's about the life of the 14th Dalai Lama. By Martin Scorcese. Philip Glass composed the score - love his work. It's just one of those films that works really well I think. I could watch it again and again. Upsetting in a couple of parts but yknow, this is history , this stuff really went down. So it's important. But also somehow uplifting because of the music and the story and the lessons you can take from it.

It's normal for me not go to out for 2 days

I don't think I help anyone on here. I'm considering stopping really because I feel like a fraud. I mean if I cant even beat my own OCD I shouldn't be talking to other people about it. It's ridiculous. Maybe only recovered people should do that. Well or people in need of info/answers. Or anyone really. I dunno what Im talking about any more. chocolate poisoning maybe. But I suppose what Im saying is I wonder if Im just wasting time I hsould be putting into more useful pursuits like re-reading Brain Lock or soemthing. Anything to get better. I am feeling weak today.

Well I hope that you are able to have a nice sleep Gill. We deserve that at least.

David x

[daisy]

Please don't say that you don't help people David because you do,i feel really sad that you feel this and please don't stop on here,i just hope it's not me that has made you feel like this,you have been there for me when iv'e needed you,and i have seen how many others you have helped also.

But if you really feel that it is getting to you then i don't want to push you,maybe take a break for a while and concentrate on you.Are you having any treatment for your OCD,if not then perhaps that would help.

All the best David x

[Guest Sisyphus]

Please don't say that you don't help people David because you do,i feel really sad that you feel this and please don't stop on here,i just hope it's not me that has made you feel like this,you have been there for me when iv'e needed you,and i have seen how many others you have helped also.

Oh Gill, thanks, what a nice thing to say. I've hardly said much to you though!!!

I don't know how you could think it could be you who made me think about stopping! That's ridiculous! You've been nothing but nice.

No it's not anything anyone said/did, it's just a gradual kind of a realisation that I'm not really in any position to be dishing out advice to anyone else. And I could be using the time more wisely.

I'm awaiting more CBT and I'm feeling negative about it after what happened last time. Plus the pressure of waiting for months then what if it's no good etc. My head's just in a very bad place at the moment. Dark have been my dreams of late and all that.

I dunno. I wish I could run away from everything and start again.

Anyway thank you for your lovely words Gill. You're a goodun you know.

David x

[daisy]

Thank you David but it's all true iv'e just been reading through some of your replies to others and you are so kind and compassionate(wrong spelling i think),and helpful to others.

I did see that you have had a bad experience with CBT in the past lets hope the next lot will help you,you deserve it!

I really must buy Brainlock as i have heard that it is a very good book.

I'm like you i just want to run away and start again,to be honest i nearly did just get in my car and drive somewhere,dunno where though,just need to get out of here,i'm so tired but can't face the shower,plus i'm so wound up i don't think i would sleep anyway!

Anyway thanks for saying i'm a goodun,you are too(even if like me you don't feel it)

Nite David,hope you get some sleep x

[Guest Sisyphus]

Thank you David but it's all true iv'e just been reading through some of your replies to others and you are so kind and compassionate(wrong spelling i think),and helpful to others.

Thank you Gill,

I do appreciate your kind words.

I wanted to help some other people if possible but now I question if someone in my position should be doing that really. Like it's a fraud unless you are better yourself. You know.

Yes my CBT was not good. I really didn't get on with this lady - found her pretty rude and presumptive. Ridiculously critical about all the wrong things. I'm amazed I managed to put up with it for 4 sessions. Wish I hadn't bothered.

Brain Lock is definitely worth a read. There's alot about what OCD is in there and examples of people with it. I like the guy who wrote it. There's a talk given by him on the OCD UK youtube channel. He's really passionate about the subject which helps.

Wow that would be dramatic getting in your car and driving somewhere at 3 am. I like the sound of that. I hjave thought of doing such things but I can never think of where to go. I'd probably get down the road, drive around the roundabout 300 times and run out of petrol. Then I'd have to live out the rest of my life in the middle of that island living off whatever people threw me from their cars. The weird island hermit. Actually this idea is really growing on me. Hmmm.

You are a goodun Gill. I can sense it a million miles off. I'm sad you're having a rough time of it at the moment.

Thank you for your kind words.

Goodnight Gill,

David x

Edited April 21, 2014 by Sisyphus

[Guest Tricia]

David, I came here to see how Gill is, but first want to say that I disagree strongly with what you suggested in your third sentence. People who are managing their OCD well can often give good advice, but there are those who (understandably) assume that what worked for them will always work for everyone else. You offer good advice and empathize and are so kind to others here. No one could view you as a fraud, just because you haven’t overcome your own OCD. If they do, let me know who they are!

You're right about Gill, she is indeed a goodun. One in a million.

How are you, Gill? xx

Edited April 23, 2014 by Tricia

[Guest Sisyphus]

David, I came here to see how Gill is, but first want to say that I disagree strongly with what you suggested in your third sentence. People who are managing their OCD well can often give good advice, but there are those who (understandably) assume that what worked for them will always work for everyone else. You offer good advice and empathize and are so kind to others here. No one could view you as a fraud, just because you haven’t overcome your own OCD. If they do, let me know who they are!

You're right about Gill, she is indeed a goodun. One in a million.

Wow - what a nice thing to say. Thanks Tricia. I really appreciate that.

Yes I think it's a huge mistake assuming OCD is the same for everyone.

I agree about Gill too.

Thank you again, David x