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Everybody's been out to get me for the past 4 years


Guest setsuna

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Guest setsuna

That's what I always think when my OCD gets to its worst. Whenever people laugh at a joke that's made in my expense, I'll think EVERYONE is against me, and wants to ostracize me. When I see how many likes someone has on Facebook, and how little likes I have, I will ruminate unnecessarily about it, and come to the conclusion that, once again, people just want to drive me out of society. At my worst, I am abusive, critical, and angry, trying to make myself look scary in an attempt to make people shut up and stop what they're doing for the longest time possible, in a desperate attempt at self defence.

Am I alone in this? I've been wishing that there's someone out there who can relate...

Edited by setsuna
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Guest setsuna

Sometimes it gets so bad that I'll start thinking that my family's against me as well. Like, my mother states that I'm not the only one in my family who's struggling; my brother has a secret of his own. I kinda want to know the secret, since, you know, we're FAMILY. But she won't tell me. I have the feeling that everyone else but me knows what it is.

Edited by setsuna
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Guest Sisyphus

That's what I always think when my OCD gets to its worst. Whenever people laugh at a joke that's made in my expense, I'll think EVERYONE is against me, and wants to ostracize me. When I see how many likes someone has on Facebook, and how little likes I have, I will ruminate unnecessarily about it, and come to the conclusion that, once again, people just want to drive me out of society. At my worst, I am abusive, critical, and angry, trying to make myself look scary in an attempt to make people shut up and stop what they're doing for the longest time possible, in a desperate attempt at self defence.

Am I alone in this? I've been wishing that there's someone out there who can relate...

Yeah definitely. I have had feelings like this and a couple of other OCD sufferers I spoke to on here mentioned feelings like this too. Feeling like you get more than your fair share of criticism, and mistreatment, bad luck. One bad thing after another. I sometimes wonder if it's a combination of perception and magical thinking. I don't know. When it feels real it sucks very badly indeed. I must say, having been on the end of some bad luck in life, I find it really hard to dissociate genuine bad luck from a negative perception of normal events. One things guaranteed though - the vast majority of people get their share of bad luck in life. And a negative reaction to such things can have secondary effects and it can become a domino effect. This why you will hear time and time again about how a positive outlook in life makes a huge difference to your success and your experience of life. This has been observed by an awful lot of people now so we'd be foolish to ignore it. Don't get me wrong though, I've been a pretty negative person most of my life. I don't feel it was ever a choice, it's just the way it panned out despite my best efforts. But I would love to become more positive if that's possible. Edited by Sisyphus
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Guest setsuna

Yup, I agree with what you say, Sisyphus.

I used to be a really negative person. Thankfully, I'm getting more hopeful about the future. It's just that there's this CONSTANT suspicion that everyone hates talking to me, everyone's trying to shut me out of the public, etc etc etc. And that makes it hard not to be bitter and cynical.

"The vast majority of people get their share of bad luck in life" - I never really thought of "luck" until I heard one day that the mother of one of my classmates died. I can't exactly remember what went through my head at the time (it was a year ago) but I just couldn't let go of the fact that someone so close to me (literally close - ie i see him everyday; i am not close to him in terms of friendship at all) has suffered such a tragedy.

It might be foolish to ask...but have you had any therapy, Sisyphus?

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Guest Sisyphus

Hi Setsuna,

Well I started off on a course of CBT but I quit after the 4th session as it just was not going well. I really didn't care for the lady doing it and found her quite rude and she lacked a good knowledge of OCD. So it was a diaster. Read Brain Lock after that hoping I could heal myself. Then registered for more CBT - on the waiting list.

I think I know something of this feeling. I think it just has to be a perception/mindset/magical thinking thing. And the more you expect it the more you will seek it out kind of thing. Probably doesn't feel like that's what you're doing, but hesitation, lack of confidence, withdrawing from stuff etc will make it happen more. Just a theory. The words kind of burn in my mind as I type them because it feels like it's not any of that to be honest, but logic, sicnece, rationalisation tell me it HAS to be all of that! You know, second guessing the gremlins in my head kind of thing.

Maybe luck was the wrong word as I don't really believe in that either in terms of some people are granted good or bad luck. I think s##t happens and it'll happen to whoever's in the way at the time, good bad, indifferent etc.

There's a great line in my favourite film The Thin Red Line. We're supposed to believe it's the words of a dead Japanese soldier after a battle in which he was killed:

"Are you righteous? Kind? Does your confidence lie in this? Are you loved by all? Know that I was, too. Do you imagine your suffering will be any less because you loved goodness and truth?"

Sums up the indiscriminate nature of events a little bit.

I generally find people hard work to be honest - you can never really expect anything back, and if you do you can be pretty sure not to get it! So I dunno - maybe the answer is get out there, join clubs, get involved, and expect nothing back in return. Just see where the chips fall, and maybe you'll get the odd surprise along the way, maybe not.

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