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Just need to vent. POCD - Merged Thread


Guest OCDsufferer9

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Guest OCDsufferer9

I would not like to seek reassurance but I'm afraid...once again. Yesterday I went out with my partner and I was having such a good time, wanting to kiss all the time and smiling, but then all of a sudden I saw this kid and was triggered, as one would expect. This reminded me of when I had the urge to touch kids. I know both you guys and my therapist said it's only OCD but I feel that if I was to be alone with a kid or might have the opportunity to do such things, I felt like I would do them. My point is that even though now I am scared of this feeling, I still felt like I was going to do such things.

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I would not like to seek reassurance but I'm afraid...once again

So you added that rider but just thought you'd carry out a little compulsion? ;)

Ask yourself carefully (and honestly) what made you create the thread if it wasn't for reassurance? What did you hope for from it?

It's important to examine and identify our behaviours so that we can adjust them if necessary

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Guest OCDsufferer9

So you added that rider but just thought you'd carry out a little compulsion? ;)

Ask yourself carefully (and honestly) what made you create the thread if it wasn't for reassurance? What did you hope for from it?

It's important to examine and identify our behaviours so that we can adjust them if necessary

Ok. Yes, I did post this to seek reassurance but don't you think it's worrying for me to feel like I was going to act on the urge if I had the opportunity? It's like, I actually know I was going to. That's why I'm afraid now.

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But you know you won't act on it, so don't worry about the thoughts, fight the feeling.

The intrusive thoughts will come anyway, don't act out any compulsions, let them be. It's unpleasant, but it won't harm you.

You need to build your tolerance to these thoughts so as to lessen their impact on you.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

But you know you won't act on it, so don't worry about the thoughts, fight the feeling.

The intrusive thoughts will come anyway, don't act out any compulsions, let them be. It's unpleasant, but it won't harm you.

You need to build your tolerance to these thoughts so as to lessen their impact on you.

That's it, I'm quite intolerant to them even though everyone, even my therapist, have told me that this is OCD. It's so hard because it didn't feel like OCD but rather a feeling that I would like to act on if given the opportunity so now I'm doubting if I really do want to act on them or not since that's how it felt.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

I'm afraid you just have to live with the uncertainty & concentrate on the feeling, ride it out till the anxiety goes.

Okay, I understand that feelings are normal with OCD. I know they are normal and caused by OCD and are supposed to feel real but it's like, I want to put myself in

that situation just to see again if I will try to do it since it felt real.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

Have you tried exposure threatment?

I think putting yourself in that situation again it 'testing'? I'm not sure whether that's kinda a compulsion or not? :-/

Yes, I think it is a compulsion because I would like to do it to check how I'll feel. It felt so real like if there was a child, I would have acted on the urge. That's how I feel. Like, I only didn't act on the urge just because there weren't any children around.

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Ok. Yes, I did post this to seek reassurance

You need to push yourself a wee bit harder on resisting these compulsions. Compulsions are helping to maintain the power of your fears. It's a very short term gain for very long term pain.

If you repeatedly pick at a scab because it itches and irritates, you quickly end up with a nasty wound. Leave it be, it starts to heal and gradually gets better. Dealing with the compulsions is a bit the same

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Guest OCDsufferer9

You need to push yourself a wee bit harder on resisting these compulsions. Compulsions are helping to maintain the power of your fears. It's a very short term gain for very long term pain.

I know. You are right. God, I feel so weak next to you, guys. I swear, I was so passionate with my partner this past week, kissing and holding hands. But then I saw this kid and BAM! I was reminded of that urges I was having and it's like, I didn't act on the urges only because there were no children around. That's how i felt so I don't really know what to make of it even though I should label it as OCD.

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I didn't act on the urges only because there were no children around

Actually, that's complete nonsense. You have to stop making statements like that because they only serve to strengthen the power of your fears.

We understand the fears, the anxiety, how powerful they are....been there experienced them all myself BUT....you've had it explained in so many different ways by your therapist, people here, in the hundreds of articles you must have read ....and yet you're letting this catch you out every time as though it's unexpected, as though it's a new thing.

You should be ready for this now, you should know it's going to happen and you should know why it happens..... that leaves you with a flash of anxiety to deal with and work your way through. You cannot deal with it by carrying out compulsions or if you do you've got a painful journey ahead.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

Actually, that's complete nonsense. You have to stop making statements like that because they only serve to strengthen the power of your fears.

We understand the fears, the anxiety, how powerful they are....been there experienced them all myself BUT....you've had it explained in so many different ways by your therapist, people here, in the hundreds of articles you must have read ....and yet you're letting this catch you out every time as though it's unexpected, as though it's a new thing.

You should be ready for this now, you should know it's going to happen and you should know why it happens..... that leaves you with a flash of anxiety to deal with and work your way through. You cannot deal with it by carrying out compulsions or if you do you've got a painful journey ahead.

You are right. I need to label it as just another emotion which made me feel like if there was a child I would have acted on the urge. Simply just another feeling.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

Good......It will test you but keep the faith and don't cave in to compulsions :)

It is hard because everything feels so real like it's truly pedophilia but yes, I'm trying :)

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The only truth is that it's TRULY Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

You can't cure a sore throat with antacids

You can't cure athletes foot with blood pressure medication

You can't cure OCD by carrying out compulsions

Hang in there and stay strong, even when the going gets tough and tries to convince you otherwise :)

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Guest OCDsufferer9

The only truth is that it's TRULY Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

You can't cure a sore throat with antacids

You can't cure athletes foot with blood pressure medication

You can't cure OCD by carrying out compulsions

Hang in there and stay strong, even when the going gets tough and tries to convince you otherwise :)

For instance right now it actually feels like I'm okay with being a pedophile, like, I actually am okay with being sexual with kids, but I'm trying to treat this as OCD as well.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

As you should.

Thank you, mate. It's so hard to believe something when all you see is evidence that you're a pedophile but I will regard this as OCD as well :)

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Guest OCDsufferer9

I'm starting to check again and need some positive support. I'm trying to resist performing any compulsions but sometimes it gets hard because I feel like I want to be with kids, like I would enjoy being with them and I feel that this time it's different.

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Every time you post you say it feels like you want to be with kids. You always post that you think you might enjoy being with them. Every time it's different. This has gone on dozens of times. That's what makes it all the same. It's always the same thoughts and feelings going on. There is nothing different here. Same old, same old.

You really need to start telling yourself each time that its just more of the same OCD B.S. Because that's what it is. It's the same thing, over and over. Tell yourself it's the same thing and maybe you'll realize that you treat each new instance just like the last one. Ignore the thoughts. Ignore the feelings. Work your best to resist compulsions and carry on with your day.

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Guest OCDsufferer9

Every time you post you say it feels like you want to be with kids. You always post that you think you might enjoy being with them. Every time it's different. This has gone on dozens of times. That's what makes it all the same. It's always the same thoughts and feelings going on. There is nothing different here. Same old, same old.

You really need to start telling yourself each time that its just more of the same OCD B.S. Because that's what it is. It's the same thing, over and over. Tell yourself it's the same thing and maybe you'll realize that you treat each new instance just like the last one. Ignore the thoughts. Ignore the feelings. Work your best to resist compulsions and carry on with your day.

To be honest with you, this wasn't as bad as the others are but my mind cannot stop wondering about this issue. I feel that because they felt more real and so different and stronger, they must be pedophilia. In fact, I'm getting that feeling that they're not pedophilia so it's like, I should believe it's OCD when I feel I know they're not. That's why I'm confused. Don't get me wrong, I'm still trying to not perform any compulsions and to an extent, I am succeeding. However, I can't escape the fact that this feels like pedophilia, that it feels like I want it. Why does it not make it pedophilia? I still don't know why. I say this because again, I feel like deep down, I know this is true, like NO ONE can ever say that what I felt was only OCD because it was much more real and so stronger and more intense like I wanted to act on it. But then again, you and my psychologist say it's normal because it's OCD.

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