Saying hello

[Guest ocd-but-never-knew]

Hello everyone

I think my username says it all: I appear to have had OCD since I was very young but I never knew. I say "appear to have had" because I still find it hard to believe because my worries and preoccupations seem so real. A turning-point in recognising my illness was when the psychiatrist I was seeing when I had an extremely bad flare-up last year said to me: "The underlying problem is an obsessive compulsive neurosis." Since then, I have read up a lot on the illness and have also been visiting these boards regularly, and have learned a lot.

I don't know the full details of my psychiatric diagnosis – I'm not sure what "labels" I have – but I do know that my head functions a lot like others around these boards.

I'm joining in now because right now I'm having a pretty hard time in my head. Lots of triggers, negative thoughts, worries, compulsions, checking. I'm also not feeling much benefit from my tablets (20mg Escitalopram / 5mg Risperidone).

I'm also worried, too, because I've avoided going to see the psychiatrist for a year. That's partly because I just wanted a break from the intensive questioning I get when I see him. And also because I had a bad experience on the NHS, with a social worker evaluating me and just calling me "depressed". I lost my mother last year and feel that I have had a raw deal from life and just really want to feel "normal" again. And, blow it, I don't feel normal right now, and I also worry I shall never feel normal.

It would be nice to make some friends on here. Thanks for listening.

[taurean]

Hello but-never-knew.

Well, you seem to have a diagnosis from a psychiatrist, although its bothersome he didn't share the specifics of it with you, but he may not be a cognitive behavioural therapist, ans as you've probably seen ont eh forum, that is the therapy of choice in the UK for OCD.

i firmly belive on working with a therpaist, or with self-help, and identifying the various types of OCD involved (and any other anxiety-inducing dysfunctional thinking - then devising a treatment programme specidfically for htnhos issues, and a relapse prevention/recovery blueprint. OCD workbooks - available from the shop - see below - are also useful to aid this.

Have a look at the main OCD-UK website - use the link at the top left, but save the forum site as a favourite first if you haven't already.

On the charity's main website you will find a tab - how can we help you?

If you'd like to try self-help, click on their shop tab to see what is available.

The on thing NOT to do is worry about the future - with help and CBT, many of our forum members come about really well, and very many of us - including me most of the time - live pretty well with our OCD in the background. There are a large number of forum members, but when they are doing well they don't tend to use the forums - which is a great indictment of the benefits of membership!

[Guest ocd-but-never-knew]

Nice to meet you. I have seen your posts in the forums.

I am a bit worried from the way the psychiatrist phrased it.

I am also off therapy since my therapist has never mentioned OCD even though looking back I have all the symptoms.

Right now, my head is in a bit of a mess and I am feeling quite down.

[taurean]

Hi there.

Sorry you are down, but you have come to a good place and we will look to help you.

Go over to the website as I suggested above and you will find lots of practical advice to start you off.

[Guest ocd-but-never-knew]

I have already started looking round the site, and I have been reading the threads for a few months. I have also begun reading Brain Lock.

What do you think about the fact that my therapist did not mention OCD, and therefore prevented me from labelling my thoughts as such? She referred to anxiety but seems not to want to use the OCD label. When the psychiatrist mentioned it it seemed a shock to me.

My thoughts and worries seem so real. I have a persecutory feeling, and also sexual obsessions. I found this site helped my POCD (sorry, but don't want to say it) but it is still there.

Have picked up more tablets tonight but I hate them.

Edited August 6, 2014 by ocd-but-never-knew

[taurean]

I have already started looking round the site, and I have been reading the threads for a few months. I have also begun reading Brain Lock.

What do you think about the fact that my therapist did not mention OCD, and therefore prevented me from labelling my thoughts as such? She referred to anxiety but seems not to want to use the OCD label. When the psychiatrist mentioned it it seemed a shock to me.

My thoughts and worries seem so real. I have a persecutory feeling, and also sexual obsessions. I found this site helped my POCD (sorry, but don't want to say it) but it is still there.

Have picked up more tablets tonight but I hate them.

Hi,

I think therapists in general do not have the experience in recognising and treating OCD that we would like and need them to have . As evidenced by the pinned thread at the top of the main OCD forum. But the charity is working on educating them, which is brilliant.

But whatever, that is in the past, and concern over what has happened in the past is unhelpful, and best just accepted and forgotten.

The way forward is to plan and obtain the therapy you need for the present and the future.

Tablets are helpful to calm us down, ease thoughts and enable us to engage with the CBT therapy we need to get better. Many people who initially need the benefit of tablets are able to ease off them once they have gained control over their symptoms and the OCD thoughts.

[Guest ocd-but-never-knew]

Wow, accepting and forgetting the past – that is something I do really need to work on! That is probably my biggest problem.

[taurean]

Wow, accepting and forgetting the past – that is something I do really need to work on! That is probably my biggest problem.

Yes that is what you need to do.

As Matthew put in his excellent post on helping recovery today, mindfulness is a great place to be.

In true mindfulness, the subject is existing purely in the moment - the here and now - and only experiencing what is happening in that moment.Feeling the path under outr feet, seeing just what is in front of us, smelling the roses as we pass them, the cut grass, hearing the birdsong.

He and I appear to agree that that is the nirvana, the utopia, to aspire to - I am in that place, I use mindfulness regularly - to great calming effect - but I believe there is a journey to get there - a road we must travel along - and for the OCD sufferer, they need to be controlling their thoughts such that they can experience total mental quietness, and lack of chatter - perhaps before they can make it on to that last - mindfulness - road.

[Guest ocd-but-never-knew]

OK, thanks. I'm going to start commenting on the forum now. Hopefully, I'll meet people there, too.