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I Haven't Been Diagnosed, But I'm Pretty Sure that I Have It


Guest Meccasa

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Guest Meccasa

Hello there. My name is Meccasa. I am 18, going to college soon, and I live in the U.S.

My reason for joining this forum was to figure out if I really do have this issue or not. Now, I'm pretty sure I do, as it gives my life utter hell.

It's been happening from around when I was little. I couldn't give anything away to others, and I always used to get worried when I had to part with things. Nowadays, I've been getting better, but it's still hard. I cannot touch doorknobs without either using a napkin, or washing my hands after, as then weirdly enough my hands start to burn, not literally, but more like my hand's been contaminated, and I need to wash it now. Other than that, for a while I was okay, and I wasn't bothered much.

Lately, it has gotten worse. It started with the eyes, and everytime in my mind, I would see my eyes being slashed, cut, with anything in the most gruesome manner. It has been utter hell, as whenever I try to make it go away, it doesnt. Every time, I'd see my eyes being slashed out, with paper especially, and so, it would hurt badly, enough to make me feel suicidal and depressed. It happened nearly 24/7 one week, and it was utter hell. I'm an artist, so everytime I'd get paper to draw, I would mentally see my eyes being slashed out. And, not to mention, there were other things besides this that are still plaguing me to this day. I am terrified to go to social functions, because I am afraid that I will go crazy at one of them...not crazy in the loose my sanity sense, but in the "throwing things around, hurting people, and injuring others" kind of crazy. (This is why I try to avoid social functions if I can.) When I did tell my parents about this, though, they just laughed it off, and said, "everyone has little quirks..." Bu if this is a little quirk, then I dont want it! They can have it if they think it's a little quirk...

Anyway, I'm rambling on. The point of me introducing myself is because I've been fearing for years that this is what I have. I've done research on this for years, and it all points back to this. I'm not rich enough to afford a therapist, or a psychologist, so even if I wanted to make sure, I couldn't get diagnosed formally. So I'm turning here. Many of you guys may struggle with this, and I want to know if this sounds like OCD...or if it could be more serious than that? I've never had any reason to fake something like this, and this is utter hell to live with on a daily basis. If it does sound like OCD...well, at least I'll be slightly relieved to know that I was right when I realized there was something wrong with me all along, and that it's not some murderous, hellish thing that I have because of any X reason. And I'll be slightly relieved to know that I'm not accidentally appropriating a real mental disorder as I try to describe what goes on inside of my head.

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Well Meccasa, OCD is most assuredly a real mental disorder. It's not an issue, it's a disorder of the brain. It affects upwards of two and a half per cent of the population and, for some, it is debilitating to the extreme.

We are all OCD sufferers or exsufferers here. None of us can diagnose you. That is up to a mental health professional. We can of course give our opinion.

Chances are you have OCD. You appear to have contamination obsessions, which is why you don't touch doorknobs. You seem to have harm obsessions, related to harm coming to your eyes. Fear of going nuts in a public place is another type of obsession.

The good news is that there are things you can do to help yourself. I recommend you check out the main forum and read up on what we've been talking about lately. Jump in and ask a question. We're here to help.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Meccasa

I understand that it's real, and very serious, I worded that very wrong. Thank you for correcting me, and I know that no one can diagnose me, but I just wanted, I guess, a sort of confirmation.

Thanks for welcoming me.

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Hello. Yes it sounds to me like you have OCD, but I'm no expert. Sometimes we forget how lucky we are in the U.K for having free healthcare (although it's far from perfect). If you can't afford a therapist you could have a go yourself by working through a self help book on OCD. Lots of people have improved their OCD without professional help. My advice would be to learn as much as you can about OCD and work through some exercises in a book. It's not easy but it can be done.

Do you have any friends who can support you? It must be irritating having your parents calling OCD a quirk. They obviously don't realise what a life ruining illness it can be. Can you educate them about it?

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