Desperate

[Guest Fefe]

Hi, I've suffered with OCD for years and coped with it we'll on citalopram but had really bad episode over last 6months. Something triggered off my intrusive thoughts of a sexual nature and it sent me very anxious in which I couldn't work and just about managed to get out of bed each day. My citalopram was upped and quetiapine was introduced. My anxiety lessened a little and I started to get out of the house with a major push. I started cbt, which had helped me before, when I was diagnosed. But part of my OCD thoughts are that I truly want to act but my behaviour tells me otherwise. I can not rid myself of this voice telling me to act. So the cbt didn't help as much as I'd of liked because I could understand how to deal with the thoughts and images but the one thought I couldn't deal with is the one that I want to act. I've now come off citalopram and started on sertraline in the hope it will help me more. I was always up and down in this episode and when my cbt specialist had the faith that it was my OCD I started to believe it was but now my cbt has finished and I've started the sertraline (I've been on it for 2weeks) I feel awful. I'm stuck in my thoughts each day of wanting to act, it's like I want to think these horrible things and when I do say to myself that I won't act it's like I don't believe myself. I get to the point when I can't cope with my noisy head any more I feel the only way out is to do something to myself. I just can't cope anymore but I have 2wonderful children who need me. Has anyone taken sertraline and has it helped with the thoughts? I also get lots of down below feelings as I'm so aware of that area.

Thanks for taking the time to read my post.

Edited August 18, 2014 by Fefe

[njb]

Fefe,

You've been there for me and vice versa over the years - this is your OCD - nothing more.

You have the strength to get through this - you know it ebbs and flows and right now you are at the bottom of the pit staring up trying to grab a line.

This will get better - you will get better - you are not what OCD is trying so desperately to convince you that you are.

It is OCD OCD OCD so start ignoring it - distract yourself. Eat something, get some space, get something to look forward to and press on.

It is ******** and remember we're all here.

xxxxxxx

[Guest Fefe]

Hi njb, I'm new to this forum so I'm not the fefe, you think I am but I appreciate you reading my post. My OCD tells me there's nothing wrong in acting and I want to do it. I don't bother arguing because I believe it must be true. Because I've had it for years the thoughts don't shock me or disgust me anymore. I just want my voice to stop telling me to act. Trying to drop safety behaviours but last night by dropping them made me worse. Im sick of OCD!

[PolarBear]

You said in your first post you cannot rid yourself of the voice telling you to act. You must stop trying to do that.

There is no known way to directly stop an obsession. In fact the harder you try to fight it the stronger it becomes. It is a paradox because you hate the obsession and want it to stop but pushing back makes it stronger, which makes it worse for you.

Stop pushing back. When an obsession (intrusive thought) appears, let it be. Allow it to be there in your brain. Don't argue it, don't get mad at it. Let it be. Work to resist any compulsions you perform. You are in effect not giving the obsession any attention. Your anxiety will rise but just sit with it. Anxiety always comes down on its own.

This is a learned thing. You must actively teach yourself to do it. It will take time to master. Slowly, the obsession will become weaker and not bother you so much.

[Guest Fefe]

I let the thoughts sit there but my voice is so loud telling me to act, I really don't know what stops me from doing so. As soon as I think the thoughts are gone, even if it's just a few seconds I think to myself I want to act. I really don't know how it will go. I've got all my cbt skills but feel they can't help with the one thought I want to act, it's almost like a frustration that I can't! But I don't want to feel like this, that's the only thing making me think it must be my OCD.

Thanks for posting.

[PolarBear]

What stops you from acting is the simple fact that's not who you are.

Like any other obsession you have to leave that thought be. You know how it's going to go. You've never acted on it before, right? So let it be. Leave it alone.

[Guest Fefe]

Thank you polar bear. I just sat here now and said to myself my true thought is I want to act! But I don't know what's my voice and my ocd voice. I think when I feel strong enough things are easier to see. I'm hoping the sertraline helps me feel stronger.

Edited August 18, 2014 by Fefe