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Hello from a newbie


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Guest Winning

Hello everyone.

My problem started when I was pregnant. I was watching a horror film where a man sexually assaulted a child. I was disgusted and turned it off. Then I thought "what if you are a peadofile?".

That is the only thought I had and suddenly I felt overwhelming guilt for my unborn child.

If I look back this is when it started and I managed to live with it until two weeks ago (it's been over 2 years). I would like to say that I am not sexually attracted to children in any way shape or form, but clearly this is what pure ocd is, an intrusive thought that others brush off but if you are an ocd sufferer then it eats away at you.

I am normally a highly motivated, grounded and positive individual. I have no idea where this came from, I'm thinking it could have been pregnancy hormones.

Anyway, for some reason these past two weeks it's just got me and put me into a pit of depression and despair. I've dealt with it alone, and it's caused considerable pain for me. 3 weeks ago I was so happy, I just don't know why it's gotten out of control.

I told my husband (not that it was the sexual pure ocd as I feel ashamed just saying it) and started running more, which has helped. I started reading The Chimp Paradox and all this started working and I started beating it. Sometimes my mind is unbelievably strong and i am in complete control.

Until today. So that's why I joined this forum.

My question is, do you ever beat this or is it a constant daily bloody battle?

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