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Ridiculous form of OCD


Guest Student22UK

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Guest Student22UK

I've been a sufferer of OCD since the age of 11-12. I'm not sure what triggered it off, but I have an incling it may have something to do with being away from home for the first time on a school trip. The sudden realisation of what it felt like being away from home for a week panicked me immediately upon arriving back home. Since then, I've gone through a number of OCD phases, which include me needing to complete particular tasks before I can carry on what I was doing. From what I have read, a lot of people seem to suffer from cleanliness OCD, but from where I'm standing, I can see I "fit" into the intrusive thoughts category. These have been from more serious events that include bad things happening to family members (incidentally where I felt it all began... realising from a young age how life would be without family), ranging to the ridiculous where I find myself stuck in a trance, having to complete a task as silly as tapping both sides of the entrance to a room, and if I happen to touch one side before, I'll have to start again. All of this to simply clear my mind, and 'allow' myself to continue with my activities. Now, this has been a hindrance on my life ever since around the age of 15-16, where my OCD really kicked off. Since then, it has fluxed in it's intensity on my daily routines. However, since joining University at the age of 18, it struck at its highest levels once again. Up until this point I had found myself limiting these odd occurrences to roughly once or twice a week. Perhaps leaving home once again triggered the onset of aggressive OCD, I'm not really sure. What I do know is, is that it has affected me more than ever before. It has affected my relationships with family members and I fear it will affect my relationship with friends too. It has gotten to the point where I will snap at anybody who seemingly interrupts with one of my strange "mind-clearing" rituals. They have no idea why I'm acting so oddly, however a few family members are indeed aware of my OCD nature. I'm worried that it will only worsen, and I'll become so dependent on these daily rituals that I will not be able to get on with anything. The worst it has got was when I was applying for industrial placement jobs as part of my university course. I had arrived at the final stages of a particular hiring process which I had pointed out as my ideal job, as early as a year before applying. I was eventually told I had arrived as close as second-place for the role. At this point I was devastated. I had contemplated throwing in the towel altogether, and not only in the hunt for a job, but also my university course altogether. Explaining my disappointment to nearly everyone I came into contact with, I feel I couldn't possibly explain how badly it affected me. The accumulated time I have spent in the 18 months, since that phone call, must be in the tens of hours. I'm not sure if this was a deadly combination of depression and OCD, but the sudden rejection triggered a downward-spiral of thoughts that kept me from waking up to go to university for around 3-4 weeks (which ultimately affected my grades for that semester), as well as consuming 90% of my daily thought processes. To this day, I have yet to get over this, despite convincing myself that it was a measly job. However, it seems to have burnt itself into my mind and still triggers my OCD, and the associated rituals that I must call upon to clear my head. Ideally, I would like to know if anyone has had a similar form of OCD, and whether there is anything I can do to prevent this horrible routine from destroying my life even further. Many thanks in advance.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest ShutUpMind

Well I have contamination OCD but also had some rituals I "had" to perform. The only advice I can give you as to how you can keep it from destroying your life is to try and find your inner stenght to overcome it. Channel all the fear and convert it into the force that keeps you going. Everytime a thought comes into your head say "No", you are not realistic and you are not going to control my life. I am in charge and not you. It won't always work and it'll be difficult but if you really believe in it, it will help you. My fear was so big that it was extremly difficult for me to ride the subway and I couldn't touch my schoolbooks without gloves. At home I couldn't even touch them at all. I never did any homework because I was so afraid of that if I opened my schoolbag the germs would come out. My therapist wanted to put me into a mental hospital. That moment I was determined to do anything to get better. I didn't want my life to be controlled by fear. And in the end I managed to finish school, even with good grades (except for math but I would have blown that one with or without OCD ^^).

Also, talk to people. I once got teased because of my OCD and I told them in a firm tone what it was like to suffer from it and I've never been bothered again. ^^ Find a good therapist with whom you really feel confident.

That's all the advice I can give you, I hope it helps you a bit. :)

Hang in there it gets better if you keep calm and practice!

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  • 8 months later...

hello

am 17..and i also fit into the intrusive thought category,ocd has destroyed me upto that level where i am not able to get on almost all of my activities..you are better than me so keep calm and overcome ocd..take care

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