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Getting sick of this


Guest patientlywaiting

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Guest patientlywaiting

I have this obsession that has been ruining my life for a year and a half now.

What happens, is in group settings, i subconciously "choose" a person, or several persons, that I am not "allowed" to be close with. There is no logical reason for why this happens. An example, I am with five people. I "choose" 2 people that i am extremely uncomfortable around. I have felt close to these people before. But i am not "allowed" to be close with them on this day. My face burns when trying to smile when they speak. I have racing thoughts from trying to just relax... but i cant relax. But the other 3 people (for example) I am completely comfortable around. It is bizarre and this has been going on for a year and a half. I am unable at times to be comfortable around my own family and best friends. other times i am fine with certain people. But the obsession is always there. I have gone to therapy but only once a month. I need more agressive treatment, i believe. Does anyone have any advice? Anyone experience anything remotely similiar? I have been isolating myself more and more.

whats intriguing is that i dont feel depressed most of the time. I am fine by myself. But i dont know what to do... other than to isolate myself because i only feel comfortable by myself now.

Thank you for your input.

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Isolating yourself would be avoidance, a compulsion.

I would get into exposures and Response Prevention. You'll have to get uncomfortable.

When you choose one or two people, you need to do the reverse of what you normally do. Smile at them more. Go sit beside them, talk to them.

You also will have to take care not to perform any mental compulsions.

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Guest patientlywaiting

Thank you for your response PolarBear.

Yes, isolating myself is a compulsion. I will look into exposures and response prevention. I have not heard about this treatment before. Thank you for sharing it with me. =)

I will force myself to be uncomfortable. I have done this in the past and i continue to do this from time to time (forcing myself to socialize) and the obsession is always there.

When it goes away for a few seconds, it comes back, and the thoughts start all over again. It's a constant battle.

I just turned 24 and I want to start confronting my obsessions head on. It is time to change my thought pattern. I don't find my therapist that helpful overall, I will ask her about the Exposures and Responce Prevention therapy and hopef ully she is trained in that field and can help me. Because right now I don't even know what kind of therapy she is giving me. To be honest, lately it seems kind of like she doesn't even know what to say to me (lol). But i will try with her a little longer. She knows my complete history, so the thought of starting over with someone else is exhausting.

I also have realized that a vast majority of the time, I have hid my feelings through being drunk. I believe I am somewhat of an alcoholic, and I drink in order to dull my thoughts and be more neutral. But in reality, drinking only makes my obsessive thoughts worse.

I am going to really try and drink less and focus on the people that I feel uncomfortable around, instead of avoiding them. What I have been doing (for the most part) is when i feel uncomfortable around X person, I turn away from X and devote most or all of my attention to Y person, whom I feel totally comfortable with. It is baffling how I can alternate between two levels of comfort and closeness with people in a group, but I am starting to understand OCD and how it works. I am new to everything concerning OCD. I have a lot of learning to do...

If any of you have any more advice for me, that would be greatly appreciated, as, like I said, I am just beginning to learn about OCD.

I see that you are Canadian PolarBear, I am Canadian as well.

Edited by patientlywaiting
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