Preparing for winter...

[Guest nicolam381318]

My OCD always gets worse during the autumn and winter months, probably a mixture of the shorter days and increased exposure to the possibility of stomach bugs. I dread the start of September with a passion, to the point where I spend the whole summer counting down the week til the autumn begins. This year, I'm trying to put a bit of a plan in place to try and ease the distress that I usually feel. I'm focussing on the things I enjoy about the season. I live in a rural area and the scenery is amazing when the leaves start to change. X-factor is starting again (not to everyone's taste, I know but I enjoy it), and The Apprentice is coming back for a new season too. It's my little boy's birthday in October so I plan to make that extra special. I'm also creating a arsenal of rubbish telly on the Sky box to give me plenty of distraction in the evenings to try and minimise rumination.

I'm hoping this is a positive thing that I'm doing but I suppose I just wanted to be sure that I'm not actually fueling my fears about the season by preparing so intensely? What do you think?

[legalseagull]

I don't think you're fueling your fears as you've not mentioned any avoidance. You're just focusing on the positives. I share your fears completely, I'm terrified of vomiting. I always get panicky at this time of year as I'll be going back to work soon (in a college) and mixing with germy people.

If I'm remembering correctly from your other posts, you've had CBT right? Has it helped at all? I've had a lot of CBT for OCD and emetophobia but all it's done is take the edge off the terror. I'm desperate to talk to someone who's beaten the fear.

[taurean]

Nicolam earlier

My OCD always gets worse during the autumn and winter months, probably a mixture of the shorter days and increased exposure to the possibility of stomach bugs. I dread the start of September with a passion, to the point where I spend the whole summer counting down the week til the autumn begins. This year, I'm trying to put a bit of a plan in place to try and ease the distress that I usually feel. I'm focussing on the things I enjoy about the season. I live in a rural area and the scenery is amazing when the leaves start to change. X-factor is starting again (not to everyone's taste, I know but I enjoy it), and The Apprentice is coming back for a new season too. It's my little boy's birthday in October so I plan to make that extra special. I'm also creating a arsenal of rubbish telly on the Sky box to give me plenty of distraction in the evenings to try and minimise rumination.

I'm hoping this is a positive thing that I'm doing but I suppose I just wanted to be sure that I'm not actually fueling my fears about the season by preparing so intensely? What do you think?

Reply from Taurean

Hi Nicola,

In fact we've been discussing this on the member's forum.

I think you are on the right track. Here is a cut and past of some of my suggestions to seek to positively prepare myself for Autumn and Winter.

• Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is very common - many people get depressed in winter but don't realise why this can be a key contributor.(Caramoole, Gingerbreadgirl and I are all sufferers from this).

• We (three) have our lightboxes and can deploy them - others may take note, this does help if you have SAD through lack of daylight .

• SAD is not OCD, therefore other cognitive therapy considerations can apply. This means we CAN use rational responses as a counter - e.g.

We can't tolerate summer all year round, the heat, problems with the travel, insect bites, hay fever, over-exposure to sun would be problems if we did.

There are many enjoyable seasonal activities to look forward to - Halloween, bonfire night, Christmas, autumn shows on the TV, ceilidhs (if you are gaelic extraction, otherwise parties) trips to the cinema, theatre, indoor hobbies - music, puzzles, jig-saws, playing board games with the family, going to the gym, art galleries, skating rinks.

Edited August 17, 2014 by taurean

[Guest nicolam381318]

Yes, I've had CBT. My therapist wasn't particularly proactive and it was only when I started looking at the forums that I fully appreciated what it was all about. It's a shame really. I think I could have got much more from it if I had been clearer about the process along the way.

I too would love to hear from someone who has beaten this type of phobia. I've had various OCD themes over the years but this has been with me by far the longest and it has definitely had the most detrimental effect on my day to day life. I understand that I can do exposures to help with my fear of contracting the bugs but it's difficult to work on the fear of vomiting itself unless I'm going to make myself or my kids sick every week (which obviously isn't going to happen).

I am absolutely dreading September. My son starts school this year...60 children in one small space. I've been trying to imagine how I will cope when he gets sick, to rationalise it as the brief mild illness that it is but it's so hard. The fear is all-consuming and it makes my life unbearable at times. I can't enjoy the happy times because I'm constantly waiting for the sickness to strike. Sorry to go on a bit but it's just so nice to have someone to talk to who can truly understand :-)

[PolarBear]

Nicolam, sounds like you're trying your best to take care of yourself. I see nothing wrong with what you've planned.

I would try to not be so judgmental about the upcoming fall. You're being a little fatalistic, impending doom and all that.

Being as I've never had an obsession about vomiting, can you fill me in on what it's about? I mean people do vomit. It's a fact of life. Do you fear actually vomiting? Why? Or is it the sight, the sound...

I'd really like to know.

Edited August 17, 2014 by PolarBear

[Guest nicolam381318]

Thanks Taurean. I am trying to focus on the positives but with contamination OCD, most of the things that people enjoy about the winter seem to represent a rather stressful exposure for me. Thankfully, my young kids make it impossible to avoid these things so the anxiety does usually lessen a bit as the autumn wears on. I've never tried a light box. Do you have any names of suppliers I could look at? I looked at the natural light alarm clocks a while ago but I think I discovered that they weren't strong enough to make a lot of difference to mood.

[taurean]

My firm doesn't seem to exist any more, but the lightbox - a large one with two long tubes - still functions well (and I have two spare tubes).

Take a look at last year's thread on this subject - there was comment on suppliers there - here is how to find it - (from a main computer e.g. laptop).

Go to the search field top right.

Change the dropdown from this topic to forums

type in the search box - winter's coming

click the search icon

then scroll down the topics until you see winter's coming, and click to open it.

[legalseagull]

Yeah it's horrible isn't it? For me it ruins everything. Every time I plan to see a friend the fun is taken out of it as I'm thinking that maybe they've been ill. I watch everyone I come into contact with in case they're pale or look sick. I only work 2 days to cut down the risk of vomit germs. I didn't have a relationship until I was 34 as the thought of kissing anyone was too terrifying. There's no way I'd ever have children, partly due to the phobia (morning sickness, kids being generally germy) and partly because I just don't want them. I'm on edge at the moment thinking that I should dump my boyfriend before he gets ill, even though I love him.

Have you looked at a website called emetophobia resource? It has words and pictures and videos about vomit. The idea is to look at it every day to desensitise yourself to vomit. I'm working through it very slowly. It's very gradual and doesn't throw anything horrific at you. There's a warning or description and you have to scroll down to see the image. I don't know - anything's worth a try. This has ruined my life for too long.

PolarBear, for me it's everything about vomit that terrifies me. The way it makes me feel, the sight of it, the smell, the sound. Other people being sick terrifies me but the thought of me being sick scares me more. I know it's ridiculous but it's a very real fear.

[Guest nicolam381318]

Thanks PolarBear. I really can't explain it. I can't even pinpoint when it all started for me, although I think it might have some relation to my son getting ill with broncheolitis when he was tiny. I took him to the doctor thinking he just had a prolonged cough and the next thing the doctor was talking about admittance to hospital and emergency ambulances. I had no idea it was anything more than a cold and ever since then, I have been absolutely paranoid about him getting ill. A couple of weeks after the broncheolitis, he came down with a stomach bug and I panicked. I've been panicking ever since, not helped by an episode of gastroenteritis that landed him in hospital a couple of years later. My fear definitely focuses on my son; I seem to cope a lot better when my daughter is sick. I'm totally aware that it's an irrational fear. I remember having D&V when I was a child and not thinking too much about it. Even getting it as an adult, the fear was much worse than the reality (as with most things).

Sorry, I haven't really answered your question. The truth is, I don't really know why I'm so terrified. My head says it's irrational but for some reason, my body won't listen. I'm terrified of spiders too but my brain doesn't catastrophise and tell me to avoid them at all costs. It's bizarre.

[PolarBear]

That gives me some insight. Thanks.

I hadn't really thought that people with emetiphobia would avoid other people like the plague. That must make your world's rather small.

[legalseagull]

I've actually improved a bit, believe it or not. I had several years where I couldn't eat on and off for weeks at a time. I lost loads of weight and ended having all sorts of hospital tests. I was only 12 and too embarrassed to say I wasn't eating out of fear of being sick. At least now I enjoy food. Also I remember crying that I wanted to live on my own in a bubble on an island. Very sad when i think about that now. You're right, it makes my world far too small. The OCD makes it worse.

[Guest nicolam381318]

I was vegetarian for years because I was terrified of getting food poisoning from meat (totally misguided of course). I decided enough was enough one day and I forced myself to cook a whole chicken every Sunday until I could eat it without fear. It worked! Small steps and all that...!

[Guest nicolam381318]

Legalseagull - you say that you showed some signs of OCD when you were young. I did too but they were more of the checking and intrusive thoughts variety then. I would constantly say things to my Mum that should have rung alarm bells but no-one ever picked up on it. I'm quite angry about it now, to be honest. Maybe if all this had been treated a bit earlier, things might not have got to this point. Even now, my Mum is reluctant to accept the diagnosis. She told me the other day that my contamination fears were a result of not having enough to do at work...!

[legalseagull]

Looking back I had a few OCD traits as a child. Then the vomit phobia started when I was 11 after seeing my brother be sick. I became terrified of vomit pretty much straight away. The OCD developed as a way to deal with that fear - touch that object 7 times and I won't get sick, now touch it again, now jump into the room, do this, do that until I had so many compulsions it took me ages to go from one room to another. Plus all the obvious things - washing my hands, using separate plates and avoiding people. I used to think OCD was my friend as it helped me cope with the terror of germs and sick. Of course now I know it's all the same thing and the OCD just keeps the phobia going.

I know what you mean about families being in denial. Even when I couldn't eat for months and lost weight and was clearly depressed and terrified of contamination my family just laughed at me and told me to stop being stupid. I don't want to sound like I'm wallowing in self pity but it boggles my mind that nobody helped me even when I ended up having tests in hospital and spending ages on rituals (at the age of 11/12). I quickly learned to keep my fears to myself and now I find it virtually impossible to talk about problems with anyone. My family never talk about it, it's been airbrushed out of their memories. Ah well families are strange and I guess they never realised how serious it was (still is). That's probably the same with your mum.

[taurean]

Its worth exploring the explanatory and icebreaker material available from the OCD-UK website. There is good material there to help educate families who are in denial re OCD, for example.

The vomiting thing looks like it had that seeding event creating a phobia, which then became an OCD issue kept going by the compulsive rituals.

[legalseagull]

Yes I think you've got it in a nutshell.

I never talk about my mental health issues with my family. I don't think I could do it without getting very angry and upset. Also I genuinely think they haven't got a clue how bad it is and I don't see the point in upsetting them. After all, I'm an adult now and there's no need to dredge everything up, I'm all in favour of denial sometimes.