Want to die

[Tori8]

I want to die dont know what ways to do it i am desperate

[Guest Sugarplum]

Tori,

Please seek urgent help.. Everything can be helped.. Things will most definately get better. Is there anyone you can talk to and let them know how you are feeling? A family member perhaps?

Please speak to someone and everything WILL be ok xx

[Guest Arrow]

Hi Tori,

Do you think you could call the Samaritans, here is the link to their web page. http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you?gclid=CPb08LSa2McCFUY8Gwodm_MLpQ

Please try and give them a call.

Thinking of you

Edited September 2, 2015 by Arrow

[bruces]

Hi tori I can relate to you I feel exactly the same way and it's so damn hard but try to dig in and battle on x

[Punk8888]

Think about the good times you have had in life, more good times waits ahead and even better, you are a extremely strong willed person and this temporary obstacle cannot stop you.

Edited September 2, 2015 by Punk8888

[Guest Arrow]

Hi Tori,

I know its sounds a daft question but how are you feeling today?

[Tori8]

thanks everyone i dont want to seem attention seeking i was desperate and dont even remember posting this :/ im still very low and yesterday walked to my local railway bridge and sat on the ledge and thought about jumping off but didnt so i must want to live i just cant live like this at the moment xx

[whitebeam]

Hi Tori

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so bad at the moment. Please believe that things really can get better - it may take a while but you can get your life back.

What help are you receiving at the moment?

Please speak to someone you feel comfortable with or maybe the Samaritans as Arrow suggested.

There are lots of people on here who have been in the same place - speak to them too.

Take care

whitebeam

[bruces]

Hi tori I know things can be so hard but stick in there and looking at your profile pic the world can't afford to lose such a cute chick x

[Guest stuckinmyhead]

Tori I couldn't read your post and not reply. I've been where you are but trust me it will get better you just have to keep reminding yourself of that. Stuck x

[Tori8]

thanks everyone so much and im seeing adult mental health team tomorrow i have been put on a higher dose of anti depressant and am waiting for psychology therapy and the autism assessment to come through, being positive and carrying on now although low in mood in general and having highs where i get all excited and creative and happy then it goes which is odd x

[Symps07]

being positive and carrying on now although low in mood in general and having highs where i get all excited and creative and happy then it goes which is odd x

Sounds similar to what I was going through years ago, before I was told it was OCD. I would feel so low that I wanted to end it all, then I would get really angry & want to destroy stuff & then I would get a sense of ecstasy which I knew was kinda tainted before the whole cycle would start over again.

I guess it came from a sense of not knowing where my thoughts were coming from & the frustration of not being able to understand or control my thoughts.

I think it will do you alot of good speaking to the mental health team tomorrow, I'm sure you know what to say to them & to be honest & open no matter how hard it is to tell them certain things.

I keep looking back over the last 17 years of my life & seeing how far I have come, but also the kind of rut I was in for so long, how I just crawled sideways for so many years suffering alone going through ****.

I hope you can get something positive out of tomorrow & use it to start making live better for yourself!

Best of luck to you :original:

Symps

[gingerbreadgirl]

Hi Tori,

I was so sorry to read how terrible you were feeling at the beginning of this thread, but pleased that things are looking a little better now. Hang in there, things will be OK even if it doesn't feel like that just now. Hugs xxx

[Tori8]

Thanks both of you, very much appreciated, will let you know how tomorrow goes, hope youre both well and hugs back xx

[lonely mum]

Im sorry you were feeling low but I hope you get some help soon. Is that your profile pic? You are gorgeous, god bless. Do you have any support from parents or someone you can confide in? If you were my daughter, Id like to know how you were feeling but If not, there are plenty of supportive people here so please dont feel alone. By the way, my birthday is a day before yours...Leo's are fighters and you carry on fighting x

[Tori8]

thanks im still waiting on the help. yes thats me thanks so much that has made my day. my parents arent really supportive so i dont speak to them but my grandma sometimes, my girlfriend but i prefer not to speak to people close to me to put it on them and worry them so waiting for mental health team support just hate the waiting :/ thanks i will be sure to keep posting as all your support is so helpful and mood lifting aw thats sweet, yes Leos are fighters, we can do it x

[bruces]

I'm a Leo too

[Tori8]

My girlfriend has just told me she thinks isn't in love with me anymore and my issues are too much.

I really want to hurt or milk myself but scared of it too.

[Binxy]

Hi Tori,

So sorry to hear that you are really being but through it at the moment. It's so hard to think straight when you're in this anxious state so please try to take a few deep breaths and calm yourself a bit. I'm sorry to hear what your girlfriend said. It's often so hard for our partners to support us through our struggles and I sometimes forget that with mine. Have you managed to get some sleep at all?

Here's hoping you have a better day. Remember, if you feel it's getting too much call Samaritans for support or go to your local A&E- I've had to do the latter before to be in safe place where I can't hurt myself whilst processing some of these things.

We're all here for you. Let us know how you are getting on.

Binx

[Tori8]

I got sleep but didnt want to get up. Today I looked up different suicide methods and contemplated it but didnt. I was so close to. I am now doing uni work and listening to music to distract myself, but I think I'm too ****** up for life and for anyone to fix or want and it shows - everyone gives up on me eventually, I hate myself, I don't think I deserve to live, so I am planning a way out but I am probably too cowardly to go ahead with it. I keep going to my local train station and thinking about just chucking myself in front of a train but my survival instinct would probably kick in so i dont know....

[Caramoole]

Hi Tori....who's helping you at the moment, have you got a therapist?

If you keep getting these suicidal feelings you must go back and see your GP and tell them how you feel. You are such a gorgeous looking girl and still so young.....I know it doesn't seem like that just now but you can have a happy life

I'm so sorry about your breakup....OCD takes so many casualties sometimes.

You take Care and reach out for that help :hug:

[snowbear]

I am now doing uni work and listening to music to distract myself...

...my survival instinct would probably kick in...

Distraction is excellent therapy, Tori. It stops those nagging thoughts. Everybody feels they aren't good enough sometimes, even very successful people. But if you distract yourself and get busy doing other things the thoughts fade and the feeling passes.

Survival instinct is a marvellous thing. It kicks in when we need it most. Hang onto that instinct. It's a good one and it will make you strong inside. Strong enough to get through this phase. Strong enough to move forward to a long and happy life filled with new love and many interests.

Waiting for something to start is hard. But keeping busy will make the wait pass faster.

When your therapy sessions start maybe you could tell her about any feelings of inadequacy you have and discuss ways to boost your confidence and self-esteem. You can talk yourself into being a failure, but you can also talk yourself out of a slump and on to success. Ask any athlete, or leader, or celebrity.

[Guest simmo778]

hello Tori,

saw your post and wanted to reply! I've suffered terrible depression over the last 4 years which started with not being to express myself fully at university due to anxiety and feeling inferior and worthless. My mind would be racing everyday with incredibly dark thoughts and suicide was constantly on my mind daily and I was so negative that I viewed myself as 'weak' that I couldn't follow through! You are incredibly brave and I know how hard it is to deal with mental health problems but by doing uni work and listning to music is a very good way to 'forget' how you feel. I would also suggest although it's very difficult try and get some structure. I joined a football team and although I lost my emotions and interest in the game the more I participated the more happy emotions I started experiencing! and then tried to build on that! but however you feel and beleive me I know it's incredibly difficult try and do something, even a walk. and the more you continue with this pattern the more you will have glimpses of happiness! good luck and I hope you get the help you need! x

[Symps07]

Sorry to hear that things are still rough for you Tori, I don't really know what to say about feeling 'happier' or dealing with suicidal thoughts. When I've been like that I've always tried to think about those thoughts & there consquences until they kind of run there course & then get on with what I am doing & try & stay positive.

A lot of times it feels like I get stuck in a rut & my mind gets bogged down with negative thoughts & I have to remind myself that things aren't so bad as sometimes it's easy to be stuck in a negative train of thoughts, for example, often when I am at work I might start stressing about a job or how much time is left before home time & I knd of have to say to myself 'Ah, it's not so bad, I'm actually getting a lot done or this isn't actually that bad' & I can snap myself out of that train of thought & distract myself by thinking of something else.

I also think everyone looks for instant success these days, instant results, instant happiness, instant achievements etc... That's never worked for me, not in the long term anyway. A lot of things have come together through trail & error or dumb luck or just knowing what I don't want to do rather than what I really do want to do & to be honest, I prefer things that way, I don't feel so hurried or rushed & I can stop & just appreciate things a bit (I even stop & just take a look around sometimes & just appreciate what is around me).

I hope some of this makes sense to you & hopefully you can take something you need from it :original:

Try & keep some positive :original:

Symps

[Binxy]

How are you doing now, Tori? I hope you are feeling a little better.