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Feeling Sad


Guest lesley

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Guest lesley

My adult son has just made a remark to me, which makes me feel so bad, how can you as a Mum not realise the torment you child had been going through until he reaches the age of 21...........

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I am sure he said it because he was stressed and upset. My parents didn't know i had ocd until it became blindingly obvious at 19. I had had it before when I was 14 and nobody knew. People with ocd are very good at hiding it from others so don't feel too bad.

My parents I know feel very guilty that they didn't know and that they can't really help.

All you can do is educate yourself on ocd and try to keep the channels of communication open and try to show him as much love as you can now.

Gemma x

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Guest lesley

Hi Gemma Thanks for reply, and yes it can be hard to keep the channels of communications open, I have done loads of research and have a better understanding, all I can hope for now is eventually he might be willing to accept help, but I think that is going to be a slow process and one that is causing conflict within the household, I feel useless at the moment and enabling his hand washing rituals by supplying what he needs, which I know is not helping him. just wish i knew how and what to say to him until he is willing to accept help if that makes sense. x

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Has he seen a gp and got a diagnosis? He needs to access cbt as soon as possible although it needs the sufferer to engage with the therapy for it to work. There are numerous self help books too. I like 'break free from ocd' but there are others that people have found helpful.

Try not to beat yourself up too much. It often happens that family members do compulsions. It isnt the best but you are not alone in that. You could also tell him about the charity too and the forums if he wants to talk to other sufferers.

Gemma x

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Don't beat yourself up too bad for not knowing what your son was going through. We are experts at hiding our OCD and its symptoms from others. Also, it's really difficult for non-OCD people to fully understand what goes on in the minds of OCD sufferers.

Don't dwell on the past. Be supportive now and look to the future when your son gets his OCD under control.

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  • 3 weeks later...
Guest worriedmum

Hi there,

try to remember we all say things that are hurtful when we are not feeling well, under stress or dealing with anxiety. I know from our experience that OCD can be very secretive so please don't blame yourself for not 'noticing' what he was going through. As has already been said, it's what you do now that is important and how you support him from now on.

It's hard when your loved one refuses help (CBT) but there are still things that you can do to help him. It might be that you will need to stop enabling his OCD, stop supplying the things he needs for his hand washing etc. Or maybe limit the amount you give him to try and reduce the amount of hand washing he does by coming to some form of agreement with him on how best to tackle his OCD. Tackling things one step at a time is often helpful, so there's a gradual reduction in rituals. He might find that easier to cope with. Even if he refuses professional help, do you think he would benefit from self help books? There is a lot of good material and information out there which might help set him on the right track until he feels he's ready and able to pursue professional help.

Take care and keep us updated on how he/you are doing.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest lesley

Hi worriedmum,

Thanks for reply and yes I am trying to reduce the amount of soap etc that i buy, we have good and bad days with it but have managed to reduce slightly which is good, its so difficult having to work full time and not being around at those times to support him.

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