Need help tonight for Pure O x

[Guest emma_marie]

It's been so long since I last posted in here, but I'm so ill right now, I think I'm finally losing it.

To give you a quick recap of my journey, in 2005 my OCD symptoms emerged fully, following a bereavement, and I suffered with the Paedophile aspect of Pure O. I battled for years with my symptoms and with the help of this group and CBT began to get well again.

14 months ago, my mum died, and my OCD has come back with a vengeance. A few months ago, following not having a physical side with my husband for nearly four years due to OCD my libido was awakened by a man at work, and it felt amazing to not have OCD symptoms and feel 'normal' for once.

Today I have been round a friend's house, and my friend has a really pretty little girl, and my OCD has been so bad it feels so real, all I could concentrate was how pretty she was, and I tried doing exposure techniques to let anxiety calm but nothing happened, so I tried reverse psychology and this has made me feel even worse. Have had disgusting images and urges that have been so strong. When I think about the bloke I work with, I just want to rip his clothes off, but this is a strong urge and I don't know what is real and so scared and frightened. I can't cope with going through a relapse again an I really need some help. I know all about reassurance and have been through CBT, so please don't give me the reassurance talk as it has gone past that. I really need a friendly ear as I'm so ill at the moment, and have suffered too much in the last year with losing my mum, I can't take no more

[Runner being]

It sounds like you have had a very stressful year losing your mum, and if there is one thing that can trigger/ worsen any mental health problem it is stress. I would say the first thing you need to do this week is visit your gp and discuss your problem ( how detailed you are is your choice) and request referral for cbt/ talking therapy. You may also be offered medication. It sounds like you need to work through your painful bereavements with a trained person. Please hang in there. hope you are on your road to recovery soon

[Scorpio]

Hi

I lost my mum six months ago after a long cancer battle. Since my mum died my ocd has been its worst and revolving around my baby so I really feel your pain. I haven't felt right since she died and don't know how I'm supposed to feel it made me almost fall into a dream like state. Bereavement of such a significant family member is one of the hardest things we have to face in life and the woman who we call upon for guidance we can't call upon anymore. It's heartbreaking for anyone and will make all the symptoms worsen be kind to yourself xx

[Guest emma_marie]

Thanks for your replies, just woke up as went to bed at half six this morning, after ruminating all evening x Scorpio, I'm so sorry for your loss also.

Have had bereavement counselling, although I found it useless for me, and I'm under a psychiatrist for my OCD x I'm on two types of antidepressants which I had to reduce the dosage significantly as raised my blood pressure (venaflaxine and Paroxetine)

I'm so exhausted with fighting this, and with other life pressures, and for it to come back this bad, feels like I've gone backwards, and no techniques I learnt in CBT seem to be working x Its like I have to go backwards and learn about the illness m beginning, perhaps have reassurance to start from beginning and when I'm stronger to do exposure and other parts of the CBT ladder techniques. X

[Scorpio]

I have just been put on paroxitine myself so will see how it goes I have had no sleep due to new baby which I am convinced doesn't help...yoga helped me a lot but I rarely get s chance to go now...also exercise helps me and better eating xx

[Scorpio]

I know the feeling of exhaustion its awful I'm so tired I feel insane from wearing myself out now x

[PolarBear]

Thanks for your replies, just woke up as went to bed at half six this morning, after ruminating all evening

There's a big part of your problem right there. You're ruminating. Ruminating is a compulsion and compulsions only serve to make your situation worse. Compulsions reinforce in your mind that something is wrong and ensure that the obsessions will come back strong and frequently.

Try your best to stop that ruminating. It's not doing you any good. Let the obsessions come but don't react to them with compulsions.