I'm new-unusual symptoms-ROCD about friendship!

[Guest justtalktome]

Hi everybody. I'm new to internet boards. I'm very desperate for somebody to help and understand me-I'm 18 years old, and I have never yet been able to find someone who has the same obsession as me. I have relationship centered OCD, but it's about friendship. I worry about being in too much pain and not being able to befriend certain people and therefore missing out. For example, I worry that I will have too much anxiety or sadness around people who know my ex boyfriend, so my OCD tells me I cannot be friends with those people and to not be open to them. My OCD is always looking for a reason to avoid a friendship or why it may go bad or why it may not be right, especially if the person in question knows an ex or an enemy of mine. Does ANYONE else experience something similar? What has helped? I've had good therapists, but I would love to be able to talk to some people who have experienced what I have, or even just people who have OCD in general! Thanks a lot. By the way, I'm 18, so if this obsession seems very "high school", well, yeah....I'm thinking avoidance of people and friendships would be wrong, and that I should ignore the OCD and be open and face my anxieties...maybe?

[Guest Sisyphus]

Hi J,

Sorry, I'm not a "young person", I'm 42, but I'm responding here anyway cos this is a little relevant to me also.

Two things about this.

First off yeah I have experienced this in a big way - I suppose it has been a way of life for me for as long as I can remember. I would avoid friends of an ex-girlfriend after a break-up, perhaps in part to try and protect myself from the associated hurt of the breakup, perhaps in fear they now look down on me, and perhaps to avoid hearing bad news about the ex having met some James Bond sickening hero type guy. And I will be particularly careful to avoid associations with people I perceive as enemies or their friends.

Secondly, I must admit had never put this down to OCD. I guess I thought it was normal human behaviour, or that maybe OCD sufferers take it to excess, ruminate on it more, attach more anxiety to it so it becomes a bigger problem thatn with non-sufferers.

But do you really think it could be specific to OCD? I know avoidance behaviour comes into OCD a lot, so I suppose in that context it does make sense it could be OCD.

In terms of how to face this problem and overcome it, well I'm afraid I never did, so I can't offer anything there. I'm still handling things the same way. If someone crosses the line I cut them off and don't want anything more to do with them or theirs. It's a hard way to live really, and can cause further problems, but it's all I know. It feels like it's either that or take #### off people, or get taken advantage of. I think it's fair to say that at various points I've tried other approaches, like being compassionate to such people, like trying to let it all wash over me, but it never seems to work and I always revert to type in the end.

So if you manage to crack the problem or find a better way then I'm all ears!

And no the obsession doens't seem "high school" at all - relationships and friendships are a hell of a big part of life, maybe the most important part.

On the contrary, I think it's impressive you're recognising the problem at such a young age and seeing if there's anything you can do about it, rather than denying there's a problem and burying your head in the sand.

I hope someone else can respond with something more useful, but I thought you might want to at least know that you are not alone in this behaviour.

All the best,

David.

[Guest justtalktome]

Thanks for the reply! I guess why it's an "OCD" related problem for me is because I really want to be open to people, no matter what, but my OCD tells me to "avoid, avoid, avoid!" if there's any chance that the relationship will bring me any pain. I haven't been listening to my OCD, and I've been a lot happier lately. It's quite a strange thing, how OCD gives me these "urges". Ah well.

[Guest Sisyphus]

Thanks for the reply! I guess why it's an "OCD" related problem for me is because I really want to be open to people, no matter what, but my OCD tells me to "avoid, avoid, avoid!" if there's any chance that the relationship will bring me any pain. I haven't been listening to my OCD, and I've been a lot happier lately. It's quite a strange thing, how OCD gives me these "urges". Ah well.

Yeah that's fair enough. You know what - you're probably right and I just never realised it was until your post. What does the book say again - "[if it feels like OCD, it's OCD]".

You're right - it is the strangest thing.

Well done not listening to the gremlins! Keep it up.