Newbie - just want to talk/share

[Guest MarieJo1]

Hi everyone,

I've been reading some of the posts, and you all seem like very nice and supportive people so I thought I'd introduce myself.

I live in Quebec, Canada, so I'm sorry if my English is not perfect... I am a 43 years old woman and I have BDD. My main obsession is with my hair, I won't go into the details of it, it would be too long :original: and I'm sure you know what it's like...I have sufferred from BDD for a long time but without knowing that it was an actual condition with a name, I was very shameful and embarrassed about it so did not talk to anyone about it. I found information on BDD on the net a few months ago and I recognized myself immediately, so now I have been able to put a name on what I was going through, it helps a little and also to be able to share with people that go through the same thing. I've always thought that I was the only one feeling like this, which seems to be the case for almost everyone with BDD... I have started seeing a therapist a couple of weeks ago and I am thinking about starting medication also. I'm not very hopeful at the moment, it's hard for me to believe that things could change, but we'll see...

I've been feeling really low the past few months particularly, feeling very deppressed and sad, very anxious and more and more isolated. It's getting harder and harder to live a normal life, as getting out of the house generates so much anxiety that I almost only get out now to go to work. Even seeing close people, like my family is hard as I feel like I don't belong and can't connect with anyone. My social life is so limited now that I feel I don't have much to contribute so it's just easier to be alone as I just feel so sad when I see people I love and care about but feel like I'm totally disconnected from them, I feel different and self conscious all the time, and I feel unloved and unworthy of love so I end up feeling more depressed when I see them.

Thank you for reading me, I' sorry I don't have much positive to share at the moment, but it feels good to be able to just say how I feel without fear of being judged... I hope things get better for all of us :heart:

[Guest penny0305]

Hi,

Welcome to the forums.you'll.find lovely people here. I too have bdd and ocd. I have massive issues with ocd around my teeth but have an excessive preoccupation with, my hair too. To put it bluntly my life seems ruled by my hair and teeth. I've spent money I can't afford at hairdressers, panic every morning if my hair doesn't look right, panic if it's not exactly even, you get the picture. It's a horrible thing and has nothing to do with vanity, just a wish to appear 'normal' I suppose. Anyway just wanted to say hello and here anytime you want to chat.luv penny x

[Cazza]

Hi Mariejo1,

Welcome, I am new to this too and also realising how nice people are.

I have always had preocupations about my appearance due to the fact that a LOT of people called me ugly when I was a child and then as a teenager, the examples are too long to describe.

Anyway, I got to the stage in my life where I felt comfortable and accepted my appearance, I started to feel more comfident etc... then BAM! I spotted a white hair in Feb and all that insecurity from my childhood came to slap me in the face and is back with a vengeance. I panicked because I am allergic to hair dye to can't cover up grays and that's when the obsession with checking the rate of graying started. THen I found henna (hurray!) and had a massive relief BUT then I had a hair cut, and I don't know if the hairdresser did something different or what but my fringe suddenly looked and felt lighter. Now and I am anxious, depressed and can't stop checking and photographing my hair to see whether it is thinning. I have even made an appointment to a leading hairloss clinic to get some reassurance from them, but I know that they might say "yes there is a prob" just to sell treatments....

I am miserable, difficult to be around and finding work difficult.

[Guest Akira]

Hi MarieJo, welcome to the forum, hopefully seeing a therapist can help you in some way. Seeing one helped me alot as we did CBT techniques which helped regarding BDD.

.....BUT then I had a hair cut, and I don't know if the hairdresser did something different or what but my fringe suddenly looked and felt lighter. Now and I am anxious, depressed and can't stop checking and photographing my hair to see whether it is thinning.

Unfortunately I have the same issue with my hair. Its fine when it gets cut but last two times it have been cut my hair feels different, it diesnt sit as well as it did so I worry that is how it will be permanently and now im constantly checking in the mirror to see if i can change it.

[Cazza]

Hi MarieJo, welcome to the forum, hopefully seeing a therapist can help you in some way. Seeing one helped me alot as we did CBT techniques which helped regarding BDD.

Unfortunately I have the same issue with my hair. Its fine when it gets cut but last two times it have been cut my hair feels different, it diesnt sit as well as it did so I worry that is how it will be permanently and now im constantly checking in the mirror to see if i can change it.

Akira,

It's a horrible situation to be in isn't it? I keep going from on extreme to the other, I either check obsessively or I avoid mirrors just so I can get on with my life. I don't think I will be able to trust a hairdresser again.

CBT is definitely the way forward. I am currently in therapy but is is psychotherapy and although we will eventually get to tackle"the root of the problem" it leaves me completely defenseless to my panic attacks because it doesn't give techniques like CBT.

[lovid]

Hi Marie.It's good that your getting your treatment and I think it will take a while to relearn all the new techniques.For me it was by no means a miracle cure but it has made a big difference so far because I have learned techniques to help me cope and feel better long term.I am sure you will start feeling better in a while and especially with us to" look after you"

[Guest Akira]

Akira,

It's a horrible situation to be in isn't it? I keep going from on extreme to the other, I either check obsessively or I avoid mirrors just so I can get on with my life. I don't think I will be able to trust a hairdresser again.

CBT is definitely the way forward. I am currently in therapy but is is psychotherapy and although we will eventually get to tackle"the root of the problem" it leaves me completely defenseless to my panic attacks because it doesn't give techniques like CBT.

Whats the hardest part Cazza for me is that I try to avoid it but I know my hair is not how I like it and it frustartes me that I cant change it. I guess its like if you know there is a object out of its place and you can't leave it alone but you must give into the urge to move the object.

What I suggest to you that somewhat helps me with regards to the hair obsession is to remember that if you have a bad haircut or it doesnt feel right, it can only be temporary as hair grows so any cut/colouring is not permanent which you have to live with forever.

Have you tried looking into books on CBT? They can help you learn the basic principles of CBT that you can use day to day. Its not as good as seeing a CBT therapist but they may help. I done alot of CBT and know now how to do thought records etc on my own.

[Cazza]

Whats the hardest part Cazza for me is that I try to avoid it but I know my hair is not how I like it and it frustartes me that I cant change it. I guess its like if you know there is a object out of its place and you can't leave it alone but you must give into the urge to move the object.

What I suggest to you that somewhat helps me with regards to the hair obsession is to remember that if you have a bad haircut or it doesnt feel right, it can only be temporary as hair grows so any cut/colouring is not permanent which you have to live with forever.

Have you tried looking into books on CBT? They can help you learn the basic principles of CBT that you can use day to day. Its not as good as seeing a CBT therapist but they may help. I done alot of CBT and know now how to do thought records etc on my own

Thank you Akira! your advice has really helped. I completely understand and I feel you understand too, so I don't feel alone with this.

I am looking for CBT books. I am curretly reading a book recommended on this website and a number of people in this forum have discussed it and said it is really good. The plan is to order my CBT books tomorrow and get working. I am currently in therapy but it is psychotherapy and for me the mixture of CBT + psychotherapy appears to be the way forward.

[Guest MarieJo1]

Hi everyone, :original:

I want to thank all of you for answering my post and for your encouragements and kind words. Sorry I dit not write before, I have not come for a while on the forum. I guess I was feeling a little better for the past weeks (meaning I kind of not hated how my hair looked so much for the few past weeks) so I was trying to not focus too much on the BDD. Now I am not feeling so good as I'm starting again to obsess a lot and feeling sad and depressed. I spent the long 4-day weekend of Labour Day holiday alone at home, hiding and avoiding any human contact and just obsessing and feeling anxiety at the thought of going back to work. It's a real struggle to get up in the morning and getting ready to go to work. The mirror is my worst enemy . Or I am...

I'm glad to read that many of you have found CBT helpful - I've been seeing my therapist for over 6 weeks now, and it's been helping a little at times, she's given me some techniques and I'm working on recognizing cognitive distorsions but the thing is most of the time I do not believe that my perception or thoughts are being distorted, I just think my hair is ugly and I am ugly and that everyone finds me disgusting but pretend I'm not just to not hurt my feelings. it's a struggle, I understand it takes time, and CBT is not a quick fix so I'm trying to stay hopeful that I'm gonna get better...

So I hope to hear from all of you on how you're doing and thank you again for your feedback and kindness, I sometimes feel so alone trapped in that hell that it's very nice to feel that here we can talk and not be judged and beeing understood

[lovid]

yea i definitely think cbt is not a quick fix.I think it is a life changing point of view which can sometimes take years unfortunately. But at least it's nice to know you're moving in the right direction and ofcourse sometimes if you are young results may happen much sooner.I think the important thing is to never give up trying to fight it and in time it will get better.six weeks is not long enough to be feeling any real benefits in my experience so don't worry.Cbt is really mostly just an instruction of what to do and it's the long term following of the rules that seem to help I've found.I know what you mean about the mirror being your worst enemy and it's best to keep away from it apart from using it to do your hair or put your make up on every now and again but not too often. :original:

[ACE]

Hi Marie Jo pleased to meet you sorry I just saw your thread topic,I hope you're feeling better it does take time but the one big thing that is important which you're doing&everyone else is that you're trying your best.It may take some time but you'll get there.A bit from everywhere will help it will be step by step,I'm a long time BDD sufferer myself for many years also I know how tough it is and really can be.Techniques&strategies will help some more than others& of course depending on how you're feeling as well usually.But please try not to as hard as it is let the ilnness bring you down so much it's never an easy thing to deal with suffering from BDD.It's great you're seeing

your Therapist regularly because a bit from everywhere will always help you no doubt :original: .