lovid Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Well it's been a month now since I last looked in the mirror and whilst I would just love to let it go much, much longer, I know from experience that it will make it worse when I do look if I let it go too long.I therefore think I will look on Wednesday morning and try to limit the time to no more that about 15 minutes if possible. I seem to be getting a little better at looking monthly though.Previously (until about 2 years ago ) I would have only looked about once every year or two, dependent on how long it would be before something triggered me to look again.Looking as often as once a month would have resulted in a great deal of constant depression.Now I deliberately force myself to look each month and I seem to be not too bad in the time well after I last looked and well before the next time.Actually looking still terrifies me though and the days after are pretty horrible. I'm supposed to use the mirror everyday to get shaved but I find that leaves me feeling far too depressed and anxious all the time. The last time I looked was on the morning of the ocd conference in Newcastle and the company of all those other people with problems really helped me with it.There's nothing worse than feeling you are the only one feeling depressed. One of the things that helps me more than anything else is the thought that there will be people to help if it gets too bad and the message at the conference was that we can make help available to anyone that needs it.One off my biggest fears is that one day someone will say "we've done everything for you and now you'll just have to live with it because we can't help you anymore" Link to comment
ocdgal1990 Posted November 25, 2013 Share Posted November 25, 2013 Hey , i don't suffer from BDD so cant really offer much advice. Have you been in therapy, are you on medication. im sorry your feeling sk depressed. I know the feeling. Jo Link to comment
lovid Posted November 25, 2013 Author Share Posted November 25, 2013 Thanks Jo.Yea,lots of therapy and Sertraline tablets too.It has all helped a lot I think though.Just isn't the quick fix they seemed to think it would be.So sorry that you know that depression feeling all too well also.I hope you feel better soon :original: Link to comment
Guest itsnotmeitsmyocd Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 :heart: You can do it :heart: I will be thinking of you tomorrow, and you can tell us all about it in chat. I have a few exposures on my list for tomorrow also (eeeekk), so let's both fight them and what ever they bring. xx P xx Link to comment
Guest daisymoo Posted November 26, 2013 Share Posted November 26, 2013 Hiya David So sorry u are feeling down at the moment. U can do it tomorrow morning. Sending big hugs. Remember we are all here to help each other. Need to catch up on chat. Always lifts my mood xxx Link to comment
lovid Posted November 27, 2013 Author Share Posted November 27, 2013 Oh my.That was a bad session.I don't think I was quite prepared for that.It wasn't so bad last time.Maybe it's because it's sunny.That might be making the light harsher.I wanted to keep it down to 15 mins but just couldn't get away.I kept thinking if I keep on looking it will get better or I will get used to it or something. I think I will go for a long bike ride and get as far away from this house and those mirrors as possible.Thank god I've got you people to talk to Link to comment
daisy Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 Hi lovid,really sorry to hear that you had a bad session today,but you did it,so well done(if i knew how to use the smileys i would). I have got to face some of my fears also today,it is so draining isn't it! Think the bike ride sounds like a good idea,it's raining here! Take care Daisy Link to comment
Purplepiper7 Posted November 27, 2013 Share Posted November 27, 2013 I'm sorry that you had a bad session. But, you did try, so cudos to you. Yesterday I tried to watch the news, but I was already terrified and had to leave the room during the weather (due to having a really bad panic attack, during which, I was convinced I was having a heart attack)! A bike ride is a good idea, it will probably take your mind off things for a while. P.S. Daisy, here is a link to the smiles: http://www.ocdforums.org/index.php?showtopic=54823#entry456446 Link to comment
ocdgal1990 Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 Hope you are ok today! Link to comment
Purplepiper7 Posted November 28, 2013 Share Posted November 28, 2013 Hi David, how are you today? P.S. Yasmin you have that or you're afraid that you do? Link to comment
lovid Posted November 29, 2013 Author Share Posted November 29, 2013 Thankyou Daisy,PP,Octgal and Yasmine.You are all very kind.I wanted to keep the checking down to 15 mins but it ended up an hour and a half which was a bad step backwards.However, I haven't looked in the mirror today and I'm feeling a bit better.I hope you have all been feeling better today also :original: Link to comment
ACE Posted November 29, 2013 Share Posted November 29, 2013 I know how tough it is to look in the mirror lov I hardly do it except for when I shave and that is so hard,even brushing my teeth I struggle like hell myself.I wish it was easier and understand how difficult it is for you :original: . Link to comment
lovid Posted November 29, 2013 Author Share Posted November 29, 2013 Thankyou Ace.I know you have it too.Sucks doesn't it? Do you look everyday?Yasmine that CG doesn't sound much fun.Have you got it bad right now? Link to comment
ACE Posted November 30, 2013 Share Posted November 30, 2013 Thankyou Ace.I know you have it too.Sucks doesn't it? Do you look everyday?Yasmine that CG doesn't sound much fun.Have you got it bad right now? Hi lov I'm really so sorry you struggle with the mirror also I totally understand how tough it is.I still have BDD pretty bad maybe not as severe as what it was when I was so depressed but I still struggle like hell with it.I don't really look in the mirror to be honest lov it's so painful any such reflection now on my face&body is too much to bare.If I went up close sometimes it's not so bad but really the mirror is too daunting to look into so I try to avoid it as much as possible.How about you,how do you cope? do you look in the mirror everyday? how bad is your BDD right now,are? are you having any treatment? :original: . Link to comment
lovid Posted December 1, 2013 Author Share Posted December 1, 2013 Hi Ace.I seem to be in the same position as you with not being able to look in the mirror.Way too painful to look everyday.I'm looking once a month at the moment and I'm coping quite well like that.Do you still get CBT help.Are they trying to get you to look more often?I would have liked some more CBT but have instead been referred to psych services.Not quite sure what the difference will be though.More of what I had before will be fine .I was doing really well but then treatment just stopped.They thought a lifetime of doing the wrong thing could be reversed in a few months.Once treatment stopped I started to go back to my old ways.I think it was a bit of a one size fits all sort of treatment. Link to comment
ACE Posted December 3, 2013 Share Posted December 3, 2013 I know exactly what you mean lov and the anguish you face by looking in that mirror my friend :original: .I still have CBT help I was meant to see my BDD specialist on the 27th of Nov but they asked nicely if I don't mind rescheduling my appointment to January I didn't mind as I'm doing mainly not so bad really and I'm seeing my other health professionals very regularly as much as I would like to see my BDD specialist more regularly.My BDD Dr told me for e.g that may help when looking in the mirror try to think am I looking because I need to or am I giving into the BDD&OCD bully?.I think that is a good trategy although it's still so hard looking into the mirror and I try to avoid it at all costs really myself personally . Yeah I totally agree as much as we can learn to change our ways I think it is very easy to fall back on to all old habits as very often the OCD,BDD related rituals etc etc can easily overtake our new healthy proper way of thinking and doing things.I think as much as I can avoid the mirror it's always better it's just too hard to look into it for me especially also for me these days how my weight is on top of my hatred for my nose especially and even teeth really.I looked in the mirror as much as i tried to hide away from it this morning when I shaved and tried to even get away from shaving altogether and it was so tough I have to say :original: . Link to comment
lovid Posted December 4, 2013 Author Share Posted December 4, 2013 Hi Ace.I think I would have benefitted from seeing someone every other month or so just so I can't opt out from using the mirror.I did ask for that but it was refused.I hope the psych service people will offer that option.Not shaving wouldn't be an option because we would worry about looking a mess.I worry that my hair must look a mess as I don't get to comb it in front of the mirror.Hope you are ok until January Link to comment
ACE Posted December 17, 2013 Share Posted December 17, 2013 Thanks a lot lov I know how tough the mirror is during my severe depression I went many weeks from not shaving I just couldn't do it mentally&even physically and I sorted hated looking like that really but it was so hard,these days I shave about once a week as I haven't had to yet not being back at work as of yet.Even that is quite difficult but at least better than what it was,the mirror is just so hard I find it easier if I don't look into it really.Yeah i think it can help if you can of course seeing someone fairly regular and that's of course if you can and are up to it no doubt they can always help.I remember seeing my BDD specialist some years back but I was extremely depressed and you know how it is when you're like that nothing really helps at all because the way you're feeling as much as you're trying :original: . Link to comment
lovid Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 I've been thinking it's been a while since I last looked but I can't believe it's been nearly a month already.It's unfortunate timing because now I'm thinking if I look now I will feel really depressed for Christmas or is that just an excuse to avoid again for a bit longer?The alternative is to look some time in the new year but that will make it about 6 weeks which isn't an option really.That means it has to be now and I think it will be tomorrow morning if I can psych myself up for it.Really dreading it now Link to comment
Purplepiper7 Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 You can do it Lovid! Think of it this way, the more you do it, the less intimidating it will seem. I'm rooting for you Lovid! :hug: Link to comment
lovid Posted December 20, 2013 Author Share Posted December 20, 2013 Thanks PP.It makes sense when I hear it from other people but not when I tell myself that Link to comment
Purplepiper7 Posted December 20, 2013 Share Posted December 20, 2013 You're right. What could possibly be wrong with sleeping with the TV off? Probably (hopefully) nothing. But telling myself that it won't be that bad is futile *sigh*. Anyway, good luck! Link to comment
Guest itsnotmeitsmyocd Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 Good advice from young Purple You can do it David, imagine we are all there supporting you, and try not to listen to the bully. xx :group: xx Link to comment
lovid Posted December 21, 2013 Author Share Posted December 21, 2013 Thanks PP and it's not me.The bully is being a big bully today.Telling me I'm worthless because of the way I look.I did it though. Link to comment
Purplepiper7 Posted December 21, 2013 Share Posted December 21, 2013 Good job looking in the mirror, I know that it was difficult, but you did it. And with time it will get easier. I'm sorry that you're having a hard time . This bully is ruthless. Please know that you are not worthless, BDD is a big liar. I hope you're able to have a better day David. :hug: Link to comment
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