Does anyone feel dead inside?
Posted 09 June 2012 - 07:26 PM
I know a few of you have seen me on the forum, I am going to be brief but I have suffered from different kinds of ocd. The themes have changed many times over the years from religious to sexual fears and now relationship fears. Although I'm on meds and going to cbt, this has helped me alot but I can't help but feel dead inside, almost like I'm just going through the motions. I have felt like this since 2008, constantly battling the questions that ocd constantly throws and feel like a zombie. Really need people to answer this as I feel like I'm on my own with this.
Never use to feel this way, I really want to go back to my old self, is this possible?
Posted 09 June 2012 - 08:04 PM
I really think we can be ok, i think the ocd has a lot to account for
Posted 09 June 2012 - 08:45 PM
Posted 10 June 2012 - 09:06 AM
Hope you have a better day today hon,
Posted 10 June 2012 - 11:36 AM
I think "depression", however you experience it, is often linked to OCD; my experience was that as I gradually got clear of my intrusive thoughts, my low feelings disappeared with it.
Something that used to "depress" me badly was when I challenged a thought or scenario by the very useful method recently discussed on this forum (what if? so what?) and instead of saying to myself, "OK, yes it might happen......... yes it could happen............. well I'd have to find a way round it if it did happen", I would dangerously lock onto "it is going to happen". The first response has the effect of deflating the obsessive idea but the second just removes all hope and makes you miserable.
Hope this helps.
Posted 10 June 2012 - 09:13 PM
I just read your post and can completely empathise with you. I'm new to this forum and it really helps to know others are also going through the same thing as you. I've had the same sorts of feelings on many occasions and its been really tough to just get on with your day to day life. I definitely feel like a zombie at times but I've always managed to get through it somehow.
I hope you're feeling better today, stay strong!
Posted 11 June 2012 - 07:14 PM
I have found this so difficult to talk about, haven't spoke to anyone about this as I have felt strange. Your words have all really helped me these past couple of days, you can't imagine how! I'm starting to feel a bit normal and not focusing so much on what I don't feel only on what I can do to help me get there.
A Big Thank You!
Posted 12 June 2012 - 04:33 PM
Posted 14 June 2012 - 05:53 PM
Just read your comment, I've never been able to explain it properly like that but what you said is exactly it!
" looking through a window at some people having a party, nose pressed to the glass, trying to hear what they're saying, seeing their smiles but not knowing or understanding what the party is for or what the joke is."
I really wish I could have that feeling back completely where I just feel human. I told my therapist today due to the nature of the thoughts I feel like I can't think about the thing's I love for fear the intrusive thoughts will attack! This has been going on for 4 years! And it's like now I can't feel anything, it extremely painful, because I want to be normal. As you said, and I too often feel like I'm 'putting on an act'. It's horrible!
Posted 15 June 2012 - 09:04 PM
It occured to me when I read your reply you said it is painful, I know that is a horrible feeling, but it is a feeling, and I suppose we have to leap on the positive side of things and think that as this is a feeling then you are feeling, and so we are human. I was once told that the very nature of our 'problem' is caring too much and that's why we leap on the intrusive thoughts because we care and worry about what they mean. So again that means we must be human, if a little too caring with all this worrying going on.
It is hard when the numb feeling comes, but my own brand of therapy is to keep doing and to engage with stuff (healthy and appropriate stuff, I used to use alcohol as a crutch, but that's another story) until I can feel again. And even if it takes a while to feel at least you're doing something and achieving something in the meantime....
Don't know if this helps...what did your therapist say? I don't have a therapist now so I suppose that often makes me feel a bit more isolated. But, coming on here definitely helps to let me know I'm not alone with this.
Posted 16 June 2012 - 08:21 PM
I guess that's our problem we care too much and the OCD takes advantage of this!
Thank you so much for your encouraging words! My therapist said that I was using avoidance in this instance and that is what is fueling my OCD and that I have to not place meaning on the intrusive thoughts. I have felt some what positive these last few days and I'm just trying to do everything at my own pace.
How is thing's going for you?
Posted 16 June 2012 - 08:32 PM
2)What about loved ones?They would be devastated so its not a responsible thing to do.
P/S:I know no one here is considering suicide I am just saying.
Posted 16 June 2012 - 08:38 PM
What type of OCD do you suffer from?
Posted 16 June 2012 - 08:39 PM
Posted 16 June 2012 - 08:43 PM
Posted 16 June 2012 - 09:20 PM
Really, I hope you get through this, I know how ocd can take up your life! It's a horrible disease, are you getting cbt?
I am overseas,so now not getting cbt right now,btw we are accidentally threadjacking.
Posted 18 June 2012 - 07:57 PM
How long have you suffered with OCD for? I think one of the hardest parts of all is acceptance and grief for the person that you were before OCD but perhaps recognising that you can still be a person with OCD too, no matter how hard it seems some days
Posted 19 June 2012 - 10:55 PM
Posted 20 June 2012 - 01:32 PM
Hi blue sky,
I just read your post and can completely empathise with you. I'm new to this forum and it really helps to know others are also going through the same thing as you. I've had the same sorts of feelings on many occasions, and its been really tough to just get on with your day to day life. I definitely feel like a zombie at times but I've always managed to get through it somehow.
I hope you're feeling better today, stay strong!
Your post look sad... :/
Posted 20 June 2012 - 04:19 PM