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Does anyone feel dead inside?


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#21 blue sky

blue sky
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Posted 22 June 2012 - 10:06 PM

for me I've been tip toeing around my ocd for about 4 years, and when I say this I mean I can't even think about the love of my life and getting married in case my ocd attacks this. It's extremely painful! I mean I can't even dream like normal people, i feel like a freak!

#22 Stephie

Stephie
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Posted 24 June 2012 - 07:41 PM

Hi Blue Sky, sorry about the delay. I have had full blown OCD since age 14 and I am 26 now. It's been a long haul, and like you I often look back on my pre OCD life and wonder what I'd be like without it. This is as helpful as trying to turn the clock back though isn't it?! I suppose we need to look at positive aspects of who we are and what has happened in our lives. This is definitely easier said than done. I've often found that writing things down helps as my brain is just as big jumble of worry and anxiety and sometimes by writing things down it's easier to order thoughts and look at things realistically instead of emotionally. For example, my OCD got me in some pretty worrying situations where I drank to oblivion to block out the thoughts and the pain. Of course not having been diagnosed I didn't have a clue why I was doing this or why I felt so bad. I then got pregnant and I was terrified. My OCD is a lot to do with harm and responsibility and I was convinced that I couldn't have the baby I was so frightened. When I had him it changed everything, I knew I had to get help as it wasn't just me to worry about any more. So I got help. Obviously that's not the end of the story but rather the beginning and so followed many occurences of my fears and anxieties. However, I think that my OCD brought me a silver lining which was my son, he was my angel in a very very dark time.

I know I've totally gone off track and rambled but I just thought I'd share, and I hope you can think of some positives too. Sometimes it's all I can come up with on the dark days. I suppose it's accepting who we are now, but that is hard.

IhaveOCD23 I totally agree how draining this is, it feels like it sucks everything out sometimes. I'm pleased that amongst all this we have some like minded people on here who know what each other is going through as it's hard going through it feeling like no-one understands.

Stephie

#23 Gimp

Gimp
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Posted 06 July 2012 - 01:29 PM

Hey Blue, I know this is an old post but yea, I can feel that way to. Actualy I would say about 100% of the time. Its hard because people wonder whats wrong with me and I just say stuff like " im tired, or I am sick ect ect" Only a few people know about my disorder but even then, I don't think they know how bad it is. I also don't want people to find out about my condition.

Some nights, mainly weekends, I stay in and don't go out with my friends. and if I do I get some by 11:30-midnight i hate to say it but I give in to the ruminating process a lot.



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