car crash facsination

[bruces]

recently there was a fatal car crash near where i live on a quiet country road i keep visiting it and looking at the cards and flowers and fascinatimjg its my name on there then driving increasingly faster past the site to try and recreate it,i keep thinking of it all the time

[Guest angelcat]

Is this because you feel really low?

Do u feel unloved?

Or are you uncomfortable with these thoughts?

[Guest irretractable]

Do you want to be thinking about it? Or are you trying not to think about it? Are you depressed?

[felix4]

Indeed, is it a fascination, or an unwanted obsession? Either way, do be careful & consider both yours & others safety!

[bruces]

i just want peace this illness has destroyed me

[Snowdog]

Trust me Bruce u don't wanna be in a car crash I was in one in September and had to be cut out of my car and everything it was awfull... 2 weeks later at the beginning of October just after my car crash I woken up to world of harm intrusive thoughts of hurting people I love most or just random people in the street it's ruined my life totally I'm a different person since my car crash it brought bad OCD on and depression that I never had before.. then boxing day another car crash but not so bad this time thank god.. I just wanted to let you know.. I know how bad this seems this illness but we will beat it have faith x

[Guest irretractable]

Bruces, Are you getting help, seeing a therapist, taking meds?

[bruces]

i dont think this illness can be beaten maybe you can deal with it best you can but not beaten,you can never live the same happy life that a none ocd sufferer will experience,even with it under control your going to be so focused on fighting it that it will sap your energy,its a life destroyer

[Guest irretractable]

Bruces, Don't believe that OCD is a life destroyer. Don't let it pull you in like that. As you can see from my posts, I still struggle...a lot. But I also really like my life...a lot. I know that my life is more difficult and complex than it would be without OCD. It's REALLY painful sometimes, in ways that most people can't even begin to understand. And it always will be. But it IS possible to find a life that you enjoy. Please don't give up on that. I believe that the very fact that I have experienced extreme pain allows me the ability to experience great joy as well. What are you struggling with right now?

[bruces]

in my experience life has had no enjoyment since i contractf this condition when i was 18 ocd is a life destroyer in every aspect social,work,relationships etc life with ocd isnt life its an existance nothing more in my experience,i cnstantly fascinate about ending my life and the pure relief it would bring but i dont have the courage to do it,so i just tend to do things to shorten my life in the effort to escape this torture

[Caramoole]

its a life destroyer

It can seem that way...but it needn't be. I don't fall into the camp of cured sadly.....but in control (for the most part) I do.

My OCD started 36 years ago...long before any magazine articles, television interviews, internet forums or any such thing. I thought I was insane. Despite that, I didn't go mad, hurt anyone, hurt myself or any other spectacular incident. You can too if you continue to learn about how this condition manifests and apply the suggestions.

Car crash fascination, thinking about your funeral and many other variations are something many, many "Normal" people also ruminate about. Our supposed "abnormal" thoughts are pretty "normal"...it's just that we notice them and worry about the thoughts.

Your visiting the site is a way of testing yourself out....starting tomorrow, stop it....resist the compulsion, resist the urge to ruminate over the thoughts it provokes. OCD has many guises and this is one of them. Don't buy into it. Recognise and resist.

Caramoole

[Guest irretractable]

in my experience life has had no enjoyment since i contractf this condition when i was 18 ocd is a life destroyer in every aspect social,work,relationships etc life with ocd isnt life its an existance nothing more in my experience,i cnstantly fascinate about ending my life and the pure relief it would bring but i dont have the courage to do it,so i just tend to do things to shorten my life in the effort to escape this torture

I've had OCD since I was 8 or 9. I had severe hypochondriasis when I was a child. I would stay up late at night memorizing symptoms from medical texts and checking myself. At some point the worry of having any illness morphed into an obsession and desire to get an illness, an illness that would kill me so I would have an "out." I spent years going to doctors, hoping they would find something wrong so I wouldn't have to keep on existing. I never actually tried to kill myself, but I wanted to die. I'm 33 now, and I've been in treatment for the past 10 years or so. It's taken lots of trials to find the right medications, and I am on a lot of medication. (I also have ADHD, Tourette's, and bipolar) But I have an excellent psychiatrist (also my therapist) who's stuck with me. I'm not "cured" either. I still struggle. But I'm learning to experience joy, to love people, and most of all, to have compassion for myself. I don't know your life circumstances...but I have felt what you're describing, and I know that I no longer feel that way. Do you have someone to help you now, like a therapist or psychiatrist?

[bruces]

im not currently under any therapist,i had a session of cbt earlier in the year but that didnt have any effect,i dont believe that there is anything that can be done now,i think this is how things are going to be unfortunately

[Guest irretractable]

How about meds? Meds are what got me going in the right direction. I have to take a lot, but it's totally worth it. (I also have Tourette's, ADHD, and bipolar II)...but for my OCD I take sertraline and low-dose loxapine (antipsychotic). I think the lithium that I take for my bipolar helps with OCD as well...probably because when my mood is off, my OCD is worse. I couldn't function without meds. I function quite well with meds.

[bruces]

im on sertraline too but not all that effective,i think my gp is a bit sick of seeing me and im sick of going! life isnt worth this kind of misery people who say that suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem have clearly never had this condition!

Edited December 29, 2012 by bruces

[Guest irretractable]

if sertraline is all you're on, then there's still lots of things you can try! Who cares if your GP is sick of seeing you...it's ok (and good) for you to be persistent. So maybe suicide's a permanent solution to a permanent problem...but it's not a very good solution.

[felix4]

Who cares if your GP is sick of seeing you...it's ok (and good) for you to be persistent.

Indeedy!

I just think you need to be a bit pushy bruces, because I think you could end up going around in circles again like your previous threads.

ttp://www.ocdforums.org/index.php?showtopic=50564&st=0

[Guest irretractable]

Bruces, just looked at your last thread, and it seems like you were on sertraline then too. Have you tried anything else since? One member suggested you ask about an antipsychotic. I would agree. Zyprexa was the medication that brought me out of a horrible depression. It causes a lot of weight gain so now I'm on an older one called loxapine...doesn't work as well, but I don't gain weight. The other medication that helps me a whole lot is low dose lithium. These are both in addition to sertraline 100mg. At this point, it seems you're determined that nothing will get better...and you're right, nothing will as long as you stay with that thinking. But if you try some new meds, etc., there is hope for change. I know that sometimes it's too painful to hope...

[bruces]

im not one for being pushy with doctors infact i cant bear to go now i hate the place,im supposedly under a community phsyciatric nurse who rings me but ive stopped taking her calls,i basically feel like im dead inside and im just a physical shell thats going through the motions,life is just a torture!!

[bruces]

i feel like im in a long tunnel that has no opening,

[bruces]

i dnt know how to cope i really dont

[Guest irretractable]

it seems like you might be pushing away any help that is offered...It sounds like you're really struggling, and it can be hard to accept help or look for help when we feel so bad...but you gotta take some kind of help or suggestion or first step

[felix4]

im not one for being pushy with doctors infact i cant bear to go now i hate the place,im supposedly under a community phsyciatric nurse who rings me but ive stopped taking her calls,i basically feel like im dead inside and im just a physical shell thats going through the motions,life is just a torture!!

Hi Bruces,

I totally agree with irretractable & that it must be difficult, but you should be accepting the CPN's help, & not turning her away! Surely this must all be being reported back to your psychiatrist, & taken into account?

[bruces]

having a chat with a nurse once a fortnight doesnt really class as treatment to me,i know that sounds a bit cynical but it isnt is it?

[Guest irretractable]

Push for what you need then. Be very specific.