Feeling strange

[Magicat]

So....

I had my citalopram upped 2 weeks ago and for the first week felt awful, hysterical crying, reassurance seeking, the works....

Wednesday was the first day in months I've woken up not hit with intrusive thoughts immediately. They've been pretty moderate for the rest of the week, and I've been mostly positive and keeping busy (back at work).

Today I've had an assortment of intrusive thoughts, and I feel pretty horrible. Normally when I feel like this I cry and have all the anxiety symptoms. These have gone because of the citalopram. So I begin to question if the thoughts are true because I'm not responding to them.

I also feel like I can't maintain any train of thought, even a positive one.

I don't see the psychiatrist for the first time until the beginning of September, and I'm terrified about it. I have the absolute fear that they will say this is not ocd. I'm mostly running through my mind what I'm going to say and how they will respond. I'm scared they'll say I'm capable of being a monster. I know this is unfounded, but when I'm all caught up its hard to talk myself round.

I feel kind of numb.

I just needed to see my thoughts laid out.

[Guest OhThatCd]

I got one positive thought 2days ago Im still celebrating about it. So why not THINK positive apart from waiting thoughts to arrive positive. Dear Sister what anyone says about you doesn't matter You know these intrusive thoughts are part of OCD! I have them too 80-90percent of the Day goes with intrusive thoughts ahhh its very exhausting Dear sister I cried I broke down couple of times but you have A Pure Heart it doesn't speak don't let our unbalanced mind cast a shadow on that. Thoughts are nothing but empty ago in your true nature You we are Pure Silence thoughts are like ink on the water! A thought appear puff it disappears but If you give power to them than they come back again again again... You try to find meaning etc... Become the observer don't respond stay with Pure Awareness nothing more just stay in that state don't cling to thoughts nor carried away by them. Please don't let these thoughts distress you than they win. Even if someone says you are monster etc What does it mean NOTHING! You are not your thoughts don't let anyone Define your Loving and Pure essence Beloved Sister All my Love and Blessings

[Guest yinyang]

So....

I had my citalopram upped 2 weeks ago and for the first week felt awful, hysterical crying, reassurance seeking, the works....

Wednesday was the first day in months I've woken up not hit with intrusive thoughts immediately. They've been pretty moderate for the rest of the week, and I've been mostly positive and keeping busy (back at work).

Today I've had an assortment of intrusive thoughts, and I feel pretty horrible. Normally when I feel like this I cry and have all the anxiety symptoms. These have gone because of the citalopram. So I begin to question if the thoughts are true because I'm not responding to them.

I also feel like I can't maintain any train of thought, even a positive one.

I don't see the psychiatrist for the first time until the beginning of September, and I'm terrified about it. I have the absolute fear that they will say this is not ocd. I'm mostly running through my mind what I'm going to say and how they will respond. I'm scared they'll say I'm capable of being a monster. I know this is unfounded, but when I'm all caught up its hard to talk myself round.

I feel kind of numb.

I just needed to see my thoughts laid out.

I would guess it's the medication making you feel numb. I'm the same on lustral and not feeling that constant anxiety to a thought can cause you to ruminate. It's ironic really.

Don't worry about the psychologist either. They would have heard it all before and much worse

[FoosBoo88]

HI Magicat, I'm back from bed because honestly..I was counting squares on my ceiling!

Citalopram did not agree with me, I woke up from sleep most nights feeling tingly/sweaty/shaky all over with a racing heart. I only stayed on it 10 days, the side effects were horrid and most of the time I just wanted to sleep.

As your dose has been upped, it could be that your body is trying to get used to the change. Try just resting and see if things don't improve with time. My Mum was bedridden by an SSRI once so you won't be a first!

If things dont't improve, I'd ring your doctor up for advice. Hopefully this is only short-term! :original:

Hope you're feeling better soon

FoosBoo88

[Guest dimmerswitch]

I have the absolute fear that they will say this is not ocd. I'm mostly running through my mind what I'm going to say and how they will respond. I'm scared they'll say I'm capable of being a monster. I know this is unfounded, but when I'm all caught up its hard to talk myself round.

Hi Magicat.

I also sometimes question, what if I don't have OCD and I'm capable of carrying out these obsessions?

But this is typical OCD behaviour, and it's not called the doubting illness for nothing.

Monsters don't worry about their thoughts, they enjoy them.

I know for a fact if I could turn the thoughts off now, and be rid of them forever, I would!

The distress they cause me/us is massive.

Everyone on here suffers great distress because of their intrusive thoughts because they have OCD.

I hope you start to feel better soon.

[Kevsangel]

You KNOW its ODC and you also know that the Bully that it is will use the fact that medcine that has assisted with your physical symptoms as a way to try and get you to buy into its thought that its not really OCD. You know that this is rubbish - flip the coin and say that the whole idea of the citalopram is to help me live as normal a live as possible on a day to day basis. I do know how you feel about being terrified to see the Psych. Im very lucky in that I have a good support network. My boyfriend told me to put all my thoughts down in a dairy as if I am talking to him or to my Dr. This was an awesome suggestion and really helped me. Try doing this with your thoughts and try to embrace the positive ones when they come...even if only for 5 mins. As you start to improve your positive thoughts will stick around longer.

[Magicat]

Thanks for the responses, I'm really scared about writing thoughts down! I'd like to and my GP and mum have been encouraging it.

Having quite an anxious day ?