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It’s trying to creep back in…
McW replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Apologies, I just want to edit this bit... probably better for me to have said: 'Ok, so here I am, 'possibly' inappropriately attracted to my son, I'd rather it not be this way but 'possibly' it is.... etc. - Today
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How to protect kids from wife who has OCD
David B replied to David B's topic in Family, Friends and Carers (FFC)
Hi. Thanyou very much for the replies. My wife started nhs cbt yesterday. Early days. My main worry is that she's putting her ocd on to the kids. My lad is fine but my daughter does copy her. This morning she was scared to press the plug to switch the tv on. It's because my wife uses her feet to touch it rather than her fingers. Once again thankyou for the replies. I'll let you know how it goes. -
Harm OCD Horrible Thoughts I can’t shake
Angst replied to Han38's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
I remember viewing a programme on BBC 4 about the work of the Centre for Anxiety and Trauma a NHS in London. Where a young man and his therapist positioned themselves at Denmark Hill, the nearest station to the Centre, where the clinical psychologist positioned herself in front of the young man as a train approached the station. The young man had the fear that he would push a person in the front of a train. This was an example of a good behavioural experiment where the therapist positioned herself in the actual situation. Therapy is about changing our thinking about things and what we would do. There are two types of thinking - fast or slow or intuition and deliberate - therapy in the consulting room gives you a chance to intellectually or deliberately challenge your thinking. Behavioural experiments especially with the therapist changes our emotional or intuitive thinking. In the actual situation which triggers our thoughts. In my example the train station. I had several visits from my therapist. We learn from doing or not doing in specific contexts. You have developed a false memory. You had the idea that you pushed somebody into a busy road. You planted and pictured this idea in your brain. Each time you revisit this ‘event’ the memory will likely become more vivid. False memories become more vivid while real memories do not. Read about false memories when you search ‘BBC-Science-False Memories’. It will refer you to research on the subject as well as explain the phenomenon. -
It’s trying to creep back in…
McW replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Oh absolutely, I, and I think many on here could identify and empathise entirely with your statement here.. Again, can totally relate, as I think many others would be able to... you haven't lost your sense of right or wrong, your simply mentally exhausted. I don't think that actively trying to visualise certain scenarios regarding your kids is really going to help you.. it's just a never ending circle of checking how you feel, finding some sort of temporary relief (possibly) and then it all starts again... it's you (or your OCD) trying to clarify certainty, and it's just not going to happen. Accepting uncertainty is usually the most successful way of dealing with this, even though at first it feels so counter intuitive and it would make you feel really weird. Your OCD is feeding on your anxiety, so if you can get to the position where you can potentially accept that 'indeed, you may actually be inappropriately attracted to your son..?' and you sort of 'deflate in defeat' in a manner of speaking, you will find that the anxiety dramatically reduces, which in turn helps you to see things more rationally and calmly, and then you will see it's all just OCD nonsense... it just happens, you don't need to do anything else other that say... 'ok, so here I am, inappropriately attracted to my son, I'd rather it not be this way but it is, it doesn't mean I'm a bad person, but here I am.' If you can get through the accepting uncertainty thing.. some call it unconditional self acceptance, you will feel so much better, I'm not going to say you'd be 'free of OCD' I could never say that... but if you can try to do this, and I know how counter intuitive it feels, you will see a marked improvement I'm sure. I remember that you previously stated you have had this for many years.. if you were a newbie I probably wouldn't be encouraging you to go down the accepting uncertainty route right at the beginning, as in my opinion it's a little too much to ask of somebody newly experiencing this, but as you have sadly been dealing with this for many years, I think it's appropriate in your case..? -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Emmalou1976 replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
@PolarBear I guess what discourages me is that even when I try to do the right things (not entertaining the scenarios) my OCD still questions all my thoughts and feelings. Especially in regards to my son (because that is the subject my ocd is currently latched on to). So that is what makes me worry that it’s real. I know that a lot of the problem is that I am still paying attention to my thoughts and feelings in some way which still feeds the ocd. -
It’s trying to creep back in…
PolarBear replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
If you were a non-OCD sufferer, you wouldn't think up detailed scenarios. Those are compulsions. They do no good. They keep you trapped right where you are. The good news is that you don't have to think of the scenarios, test your reactions and analyze. You don't need to do it. You will be fine without doing that. In fact, the only way out of your current misery is to become okay with not doing it and then working to stop doing it. -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Emmalou1976 replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
That make sense @McW I think that years of dealing with this have skewed my thinking in a lot of different ways. Also, depending on the subject my OCD is currently focused on, my way of "coping" or working it out is to visualize detailed scenarios as a way of checking my feelings on the subject. This can be VERY DISTURBING and graphic inappropriate sexual scenarios. I hate to type that, but it's true. It's not in a fantasizing way...it's in a "do I think I would like that...let me check...and check again...and again". It's awful. Anyway, those scenarios I feel are what has messed up my feelings of right and wrong. If I was a non-OCD person, I of course would not think it's inappropriate to view my children as objectively attractive, good looking adults. But with the scenarios I have had in my head as described above, it then seems tainted and my OCD turns it into being a proof that I am a sick person. That the scenarios are true or something that I would want. I cannot have a normal loving feeling or observation without ending up feeling wrong or guilty about it. It's sad. -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Giusss replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
That's right, we know. And we also know that we are not alone or misunderstood. We will make it! -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Hdigtts replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
That’s true Giuss, it may not happen but if it does we know what it is -
It’s trying to creep back in…
McW replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Yes, it's absolutely fine and normal, but it wont make any difference to you what I, or anyone else says to you... because it's not about what others say to you, it wont change how you 'feel.' Putting the topic of 'coping and managing OCD' to the side for a moment... ask yourself a question, do 'you' genuinely and honestly think it's inappropriate for you to think your son is a handsome young man...? If you think 'well, no I don't think it's inappropriate, but I cant help but 'feel' it is' then this is purely an OCD matter. If however you think.. 'well, actually.. yes, I do think it is inappropriate to think my son is a handsome young man'.... (which your more than within your rights to think by the way).. then maybe you should look to see where and who are influencing these sorts of opinions in you. I honestly believe the internet and the media are helping in the rise of OCD cases across the globe with the ridiculous and radical nonsense spewed out on it on a daily basis. I think my sons are handsome (two in very early thirties and two in twenties) I think my daughter is very pretty (late twenties) and I have recently become a Grampy, and to me, my little granddaughter is the most pretty and gorgeous little girl in the whole wide world. Years ago... (before the world went mad) adults would often say about a pretty young girl or cute young lad... 'oh, they're going to break a few hearts when there older aren't they'.... it's normal to recognise whether somebody is pretty or handsome at whatever age they are, and even if you are related, it makes no difference. Nowadays if somebody said something like that, there would be certain people that would immediately start labelling them as 'potential paedo's' sadly this is the pathetic and ludicrous world we live in nowadays.... and it's doing more damage that good. I'm a straight man, yet I can see other men, particularly younger men, that I can acknowledge are handsome and can see why the women would go for them... doesn't make me gay. Like I said at the beginning though, you have to ask yourself and be honest with yourself whether you genuinely think this is inappropriate or not... if you think it's not but you cant help but 'feel' you are doing or thinking something wrong, then concentrate on the 'coping and managing OCD' aspect... (ps: part of this would be accepting that it could possibly be true and learning to be 'ok' with it) if however you honestly feel that it 'is' inappropriate, then concentrate on that and where this opinion is coming from. -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Giusss replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Not necessarily! Yes, because it is OCD. That's right! -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Giusss replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
I completely hear you. That's why I said it's not enough to know that it's another trick of OCD. We all know it's OCD, and you describe its tricks very well because you know they are tricks, but it's not enough (for us) to know on a rational level that it's OCD, not yet at least. It never leaves us alone. And the more we ignore it, the more it wants to be noticed. And it does it in these sneaky ways, ruining and dirtying everything. OCD contaminates beautiful and normal thoughts and feelings that everyone experiences, and it does it especially when we experience them in a normal way, that is, as someone who doesn't suffer from OCD. When we manage to live everything normally, like people without OCD, here it comes back to make us doubt 'Why aren't you afraid this time? The other times you were afraid, why not this time? etc. etc." What's wrong with loving your children and wanting your children to like you? Nothing, it's a very normal thing! But OCD makes us interpret these things as being wrong, and makes them wrong by implying something sexual. OCD is bloody disgusting and perverse (remember: OCD, not us). One step at a time, we will ensure that every part of us understands and trusts the reality, that is, it's always the OCD. -
Italy
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It’s trying to creep back in…
Hdigtts replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
It’s all about taking that leap and believing it is OCd. You know it is deep down but part of you isn’t quite trusting that yet. I hear people say all the time their kids are handsome, pretty etc. I am sure they do not worry like we do. My kids are a bit younger than yours so I am sure I have all this to come. But we have to trust it is OCD. -
Verona
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It’s trying to creep back in…
Emmalou1976 replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
I know you are both right, @Hdigtts and @Giusss. I hate to throw a "but" in here, BUT...I struggle with when I am not in the terrible throes of OCD, and I have a thought that my OCD mind considers inappropriate. I then think it is the proof that it's NOT OCD. I mean, is it okay for me to think my son is handsome, or adorable? I think what I struggle with now is that he is an adult (barely 18). My mind tells me that it's no longer appropriate to find him attractive or cute. But I logically know that almost all parents think that their children are cute, handsome, beautiful...etc. I (or my OCD) feel like noticing his cute crooked smile, or his maturing physique is not appropriate. And when I have fun times with him and act silly or try to make him laugh (because I am a very funny and sarcastic person, actually), my OCD says I'm doing it in a flirtacious way. It's so evil this whole OCD thing. It takes everything good and tries to make is dirty and wrong. -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Giusss replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
It's exactly as Hdigtts says. ('But that feeling that you think it might be true is the OCD. A lot of us can relate to you') We all understand each other perfectly here, we all know that the more progress you make, the more OCD goes back in, it creeps in, it's sneaky. It's not easy at all but we have to carry on anyway. I see no alternative. I'm in the same situation as you at the moment. It's always OCD, always and only OCD, we know, but knowing it's not enough. We have to learn to trust ourselves, our senses and reality, instead of believing the lies and unreality of OCD. Let's hang in there. -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Hdigtts replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
But that feeling that you think it might be true is the OCD. A lot of us can relate to you. -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Emmalou1976 replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
I know but also I don’t. It makes me feel very unsure and scared. It makes me feel like it’s true sometimes. -
Struggling - is this really OCD
PolarBear replied to floods's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
One of the hallmarks of OCD is a deep desire to find certainty. That's what you want: to be certain that this is OCD. Guess what? You can't have it. OCD will love it if you keep doing what you are doing, searching for certainty, BUT it won't let you be certain. If you wait until you are certain before treating this as OCD, you will never get past this. -
Harm OCD Horrible Thoughts I can’t shake
PolarBear replied to Han38's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
You don't. One of the hallmarks of OCD is the search for certainty. You search for it, looking for evidence and wracking your brain, but it's never enough. You just go round and round in your head. OCD won't let you be certain about an obsession. The only way out is to stop looking for certainty. Know what your compulsions are and work at stopping them. Get your mind onto other things. -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Hdigtts replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
I think the fact you have recognised this should give you a great sense of satisfaction. You know it’s your OCD playing tricks on you. It is normal to think those things, our problem is we then obsess and attach too greater meaning to them. You are clearly an amazing mum so take pride in that -
It’s trying to creep back in…
Emmalou1976 replied to Emmalou1976's topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Thank you @Bev53 It really is hard because I feel like my mind gathers “evidence” to use against me when I am feeling better. So when I have a tiny crack in my armor, then my mind says - well you thought he looked cute in that outfit, or you thought his smile was adorable….etc. my brain tells me that those weren’t OCD thoughts and that this is proof that my fear is real. It is a really strong and hard to fight way of pulling me back into arguing with my OCD and feeling a lot less confident in trying to fight it. -
Hi, I currently am dealing with a bit of a problem in my head. I have perfectionism OCD and I really want to start doing ERP to get back to normal as my OCD has come back with a vengeance. I'm afraid to start ERP as I'm afraid of remembering my last ever compulsion especially if it's one like I can't repeat or forget. I feel like it's not my choice then and I am forced to not do compulsions. It just doesn't feel right and I also get into compulsions that I can't repeat maybe like if I get triggered and am unable to do a compulsion or forget then I'm left feeling that it wasn't me that chose to go into ERP and recover. OCD is very paradoxical to me. Should I just roll with it? I feel like I should be grateful for compulsions I cannot repeat and they spur on a bit of recovery. It's obviously my OCD clawing back. I just want it to feel like it's me that's choosing to recover. Thanks.
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Han38 started following Harm OCD Horrible Thoughts I can’t shake
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Harm OCD Horrible Thoughts I can’t shake
Han38 posted a topic in Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Hi I have thoughts that I’m going to push someone into a busy road. I have an awful image that I actually did this. How do I know for sure I didn’t do it?