Break free

Hey Ginger bread, i see what you mean. The app in question is basically about hook ups opposed to dating and stuff. When you say should I be doing that do you mean from a personal perspective?

Hi there i can relate to what you say completely - in that my obsessions focus on an internal dialogue which is pretty much always there. I also check things but no where near as much as my internal obsessions.

Hi all, I am really really struggling tonight, I swear my loneliness brings me to places I don’t want to go to. Okay so from work today I visited someone I had been chatting to for a while from a popular dating app. I had asked the person repeatedly whilst chatting how old they were, they confirmed 18 years old. On arriving and meeting the person they looked really young, although I guess most 18 year olds do. This is where the major spike is created.......the person demanded money (which was part of he roleplay we had going on). I paid the person via bank transfer. A. The person looked young = in England, uk, it is illegal to pay for sexual services with anyone under the age of 18. I feel like utter rubbish! And my OCD is in overdrive. I feel vile for having to post this up here, but I was really craving human intense contact and of course I have needs like every other human here. Please don’t judge me for my actions, please comment. Take care break free

Hi there Polar Bear, basically Grindr is a gay dating app in a nutshell. And yes I think it’s time for me to start having a bit more self respect as it’s definitely taking advantage. I really do appreciate you responding to me. Especially as it’s a very nitty gritty subject also. Thank you once again.

Hi there, I don’t usually post on these forums as I have been generally coping well with the intrusive thoughts etc, I need to reach out to the community to rationalise and seek opinions. So let me try and explain what particular spike is affecting me at the moment. Okay so I use Grindr quite frequently (I put this down to loneness and also sometimes the need to fulfil needs, which every human has). Sometimes when I have been talking to someone they request I pay them petrol money in order to assist them meeting up with me. In the heat of the moment I have done so.......either via PayPal.......bank transfer etc. One other key point here is I always ask the person how old they are to ensure they are over 18 years of age. In reality once I have transferred the money they have ceased communication and basically stood me up. I am fine with all of the above and am aware I need to be more vigilant when feeling sexually stimulated etc.....however my OCD kicks in with thoughts like “your basically a paedophilic person trying to pay your way into sex with young guys” and thoughts and thoughts to that affect. I am exhausted from the constant looping of these kind of thoughts and need some reassurance from someone. Take care

I think it's important to remember that people always think......the spectrum is massive and vast. It could range from someone thinking that something someone is wearing into the office one day doesn't suit them.....to someone thinking about what they are having for dinner tonight. The very important thing is how we react to how we think people might be perceiving us. Try to just become aware of the thoughts and feelings that get thrown up in your body when the particular thought comes up. Just note it like this....(1st layer of noting) okay so now i'm thinking.... feeling (2nd layer) it's unpleasant..... (3rd layer) label it - so is it OCD?...Anxiety etc. By labeling the feeling/thought it becomes not a part of us and we are able to clearly hold it out in front of us and SEE the thought without reacting and engaging with it. This needs to be done in a very soft...gentle way. Like a feather brushing against a glass. I hope this quick bit of advice helps you in some way

Thanks Polar You are definitely correct. I am aware the whole ruminating thing is one of the biggest obstacles I need to work on. I think I shall add this awareness level to my mindfulness practice. Take care

Hi Ed - okay to start - sit down somewhere where you are not disturbed by anyone. Pull the curtains if you have to and put a lamp on for some soft lighting. You can either sit on the floor or sit on say your sofa. Rest your feet against the floor and try to sit with a straight as spine as possible. Close your eyes. Now take a nice big deep breath - in through your nose - and out through your mouth, on the inhalation and the exhalation just become aware of the feelings that you experience. Feel the air passing through your nostrils and into your stomach - become aware of the sensations throughout all the areas of your body that 'feel' when you are breathing in and out. Do this a few times....until you feel settled in your environment. There is no rush. Take nice deep breathes. This is your time of uninterrupted time. Whilst you are doing this thoughts will undoubtedly pass through your mind - no matter what they are - just note them - thinking or feeling....very lightly and gently. Then return to focusing on the breath..remember there is no rush...take it nice and slow. Remember you can note for as many times as required. When you feel ready bring yourself back into the space around you. And when you are back into 'normal' mode, living life and you feel an intrusive thought entering your mind. Just note it once again..thinking or feeling. Then breath in through the nose and out through the mouth..very deeply...experiencing the movement in your body that breathing creates. I hope this quick bit of advice helps you

Hi all, I haven't posted anything on this forum in a while. Things have been ticking along quite nicely and I have been able to manage my OCD intrusive thoughts well with the use of 30 mg Mirtazapine daily at night - along with daily mindfulness meditation/mindfulness techniques. However.... A massive 'spike' has occurred. I think it was created whilst I was watching Louis Therox's documentary on a mental health inpatient ward recently - where one particular patient killed his father. This threw up loads of intrusive thoughts, images and feelings after I watched the tv programe. I imagined what it would be like to kill your own parent and then thought how horrible it would be. Then after and for several days now I see images of me possibly harming my mother, and intrusive thoughts keep being thrown up when I least expect it. I of course do not want to do this - and have no plan to!!! But as we all know - OCD makes you believe things that are in no way part of your personality. I feel intense guilt for thinking these things and feel rubbish. I apply my mindfulness techniques I really do - which is essentially just becoming more and more aware of the thoughts and watch them pass by - like clouds in the sky, There is always the clear blue sky behind the clouds, it's just a case of watching the clouds and not reacting to them. It is really grinding me down and I feel awful for thinking such disturbing images and thoughts towards my mum who I cherish so much. I would value any of your thoughts and experiences regarding this. Thanks so much

Thank you Franklin and Crippling fear. Believe it or not I have only just read your latest comments to this thread today. I still have this spike running around my mind. But it does decrease during certain points in the day and with use of CBT techniques. I hope you are both well and thank you once again.

Yes completely. You can feel it literally floating over you after you've been distracted for a period of time. It's a feeling I dread getting.

Hey again - I've only just read your thank you reply post, haven't logged on in a while. It was no problem at all. I enjoy helping my fellow OCD sufferers. How is the situation now some time has passed? Break free

Just wanted to say I suffer with these exact same intrusive thoughts. Check out one of my past posts and you'll see. You've had some really good replies here, try to absorb this advice and also try to stay calm and mindful when combating the thoughts. Try to imagine the thoughts floating across your mind (the black space when you close your eyes). Don't react or engage with them - just observe them floating across, then they will leave the space in your mind and you'll feel a sense of calm and peace. I wish you all the luck in getting back to your old self. You can do this dude, take care

I have suffered with these thoughts also hun. In fact going through it at the moment. The ignoring thought is the main problem as you say. All of your replies have been amazing advice. Let's try to move forward now. We can do this. A little bit of reassuring information I often think - is that if you really were a peadophile you would have no insight, you would be carrying out actions with no thought or care for consequence. You're fine, don't worry. These thoughts will fade. Take care Break free

That's true. I'm sorry you have suffered/suffer too. I often think the fact we think about these things shows us that we aren't bad people. Some people may say a person who doesn't question their actions would be a geuine criminal.