hazel

I needed to read this tonight. I've been "well" for a good few weeks. Now I'm not and I don't understand what I did wrong and why my thinking has got all distorted again. Feel a fool and embarrassed that I've allowed myself to get bad again Have been on the waiting list at Oxford for almost 6 month's, so I'm hoping they can help soon. H.

You've got this Summer. Thinking of you tonight. Whatever you choose to do will be the right decision for you at the time. And I always think if someone's talking about me, they're leaving someone else alone! Enjoy H.

Hi Summer, How odd that I was only thinking yesterday that I hadn't seen you on the forum for ages - then here you are! I'm sorry it didn't work out for you at work. It sounds as though it was a them problem, not a you problem and you must take credit for being strong enough to resign. It's a massive decision, but nothing comes before your health, physical or mental. I assume you're moving away from that company and into something completely different? Lucy Letby is a very damaged individual. Please don't compare yourself to her. You worry you will cause harm to others, she thrived on doing just that. She doesn't have OCD, you do. The old cliché of keeping your mind busy seems a cop out, but it does help. Even when the last thing you want to do is, well anything. I'm sure more knowledgeable folk on here will give you better advice, but I just wanted to say hi

Cora, If you really don't think you have OCD, why do you continue to post on an OCD forum? I see so many people, more knowledgeable and eloquent than I, giving you excellent advice and support. But you still don't think you have OCD. So why bother with the forum at all

Judgement from who? You should know there will be none from forum users. Go for it...

I'm my hairdressers/solicitors client. Patient would be my choice.

Agree wholeheartedly

@howard What a charmer!

I can't tell you how much I admire you going to work in, what I assume is, a high pressure environment, and cook for hundreds of people. I don't think you give yourself enough credit NLL.

I love reading your comments because you are very straight talking and, quite often, say what I'm reluctant to write for fear of being in the minority and 'getting it wrong.' I'll just be standing behind you holding your coat while you have a scuffle. I think also, that a lot of your posts have a touch of humour in them, and people probably don't realise you're struggling because of this. Just my opinion. But I absolutely agree with @northpaul that you probably know more about OCD than you realize. And if the 'gold standard' doesn't work for you, then who's to argue? I also dislike the 'going for a walk phrase.' I sometimes walk 10 miles a day and my head's still messed up.

That is absolutely outrageous! Look into your spirit?!! Wtaf! I really don't know what else to say tbh. Could you speak to someone more senior?

Excellent post @foreverobsessing Absolutely echo everything said. Come on @bluegas stay

Np, bud.

Same. Move on everyone.

Well done NLL. That's such a massive thing.

Just to stick my oar in, I too thought it was harsh to lock the thread. I did, however, understand why it has been done. I just thought it was somewhere for NLL to vent his spleen as he was quite obviously struggling. With regards all advice he's been given, I don't think he's in the right headspace to take anything on board atm. It's not he doesn't want to, just don't think he can atm. Everyone on here always has the interests of the members at heart, but we can still have different views. Your opinion, Bluegas, is just as valid as anyone else's and I for one would miss them!

Never doubted you! Well done

I'm not sure any religion is a cure for OCD. I hope you're ok. You haven't been on the forum and I hoped all was well. I'm hoping also, you spoke to Ashley? There were rather too many 'hopes' in that sentence!

Agreed @Mini

You can and you will NLL. It's a distraction. I can't believe you cook for so many people! I struggle using an air fryer for 2 to do chicken dippers. Next to gardening, I hate cooking. But love watching Bake Off. Go figure. Do you know when you'll get your assessment for secondary care? Could it be expedited at all? We got through another day NLL.

I think it's difficult when someone is in crisis for them to take on board advice from someone either in recovery or an ex sufferer. All comments are absolutely well intended, but I don't think NLL is in the right headspace for it to go in. Imo, he needs professional intervention. Sorry, NLL . Didn't mean to post like I'm talking about you!

Have you managed to contact Ashley yet?

It was about 9-10 days before I didn't want to kill myself. The appetite came back about that time too. I couldn't sleep initially either. Looking back, I'm surprised I stuck with it tbh. I was on 75 mgs, increased to 150 mgs, but realised things weren't improving so am now on Clomopramine.

When I started taking this I couldn't eat or sleep for about 9 days. I had thoughts of suicide, absolutely horrendous. Eventually passed and was on it for about 9 months. It's tough starting new meds. Hope you can ride it out, but if it becomes too bad, let your psychiatrist know.