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brian36

Bulletin Board User
  • Content Count

    246
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    intrusive thoughts

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    North England
  • Interests
    Keeping fit and to beat this horrendous worry all the time.

Recent Profile Visitors

175 profile views
  1. brian36

    Why is anxiety horrible.

    Polar bear ye it’s annoying monitoring 24/7 can be very draining. Then i can catch myself when on my own just chilling no monitoring just feeling ok.
  2. brian36

    Why is anxiety horrible.

    Thanks so much i will take note at work tonight as my anxiety is worst there. Will see how the breathing goes and just let the fears come and go.
  3. brian36

    Why is anxiety horrible.

    Hi thanks for the reply. In mindfulness what is that. Is it controlled breathing etc. Meditation
  4. Hi. The anxiety when it hits you it is horrible like we no, but i seem to monitor a lot in how i,m feeling 24/7 always seems and is worse when i,m at work constantly monitoring how i am. Like scanning my body. Always feels worse when it’s in the stomach not do much of the racing heart beat. That feeling of you think somethings going to happen. Like now as i,m writing this i feel lethargic been at work this morning. I no i need to do something and i will to snap out of it. My point is why does it feel like **** then the next you feel good. What is the difference of the sensations. Thanks.
  5. brian36

    Guilt and did i

    That’s what i do is ruminate constantly until i have to do something about it. Mental compulsion are like automatic. I can’t help it. When say my worry goes nothing happens everything else is the same. I need to realise that but it’s hard to do.
  6. brian36

    Guilt and did i

    The repeat thought regarding the guilt that feeds the anxiety is Whst happens if i see her and she mentions that i raped her even writing that was a struggle. Heart started racing. I no that’s my what ifs. Like they always do. Whst if this what if that. Reassurance is a big thing we all no almost like a drug.
  7. brian36

    Guilt and did i

    Hi thanks for the reply’s. I no that if i wasn’t in a relationship i wouldn’t be worrying about this. I no it’s the guilt making me feel this way. It all goes back for the need for reassurance since i was like 10 yrs old. When i first started these obsessions about what ifs i would spill out to my mum even though i didn’t want to or dare. I do remember and still get that feeling of release relief etc. It felt good when i confessed all to the last detail. For a while then something else would pop in. This has been happening for 32 yrs and counting. Re my harm ocd this is different. Like as since maybe 16/17 yrs ago i would get the dreaded harm ocd. Which you think your going to lash out it could be sexually or violently. The sexually one was against my baby daughter which is obviously the worst of the worst. That passed thankfully but then went to violent images urges and so on. Comes and goes all through the years. I get good days then bad. At the moment i can sort of understand what’s going on. My fear is when people are near me or insight. The woosh off fear that makes you believe that you were nearly close to acting out. Then i would dwell on it. That woosh is going constantly which is horrible. I don’t avoid people i am trying my hardest to understand what is going on with my brain and body in these situations, i seem to be worse at work. Sorry for long post hope you understand what i,m trying to point out. Thanks.
  8. brian36

    Guilt and did i

    Hi thanks for the reply. Yes i,ve had therapy numerous times. I can honestly say your correct i am ruminating over it constantly i can tell she’s forgotten about it. I am seeking reassurance mental compulsions seem to be non stop. I no it was wrong what we both did. But the automatic thoughts etc come in then the anxiety latches onto it making me believe it must be true. I do need to move on from it your correct. At the moment i,m reading on How to rewire your brain. Regarding what happens when i worry or were it comes from. Thanks again for your reply.
  9. brian36

    Guilt and did i

    Hi sorry i don’t understand 😔. I feel guilty bad and horrible was actually scared of reply’s
  10. Hi all not been on here for a few yrs now. Most of my worries and still are regarding Harm ocd. Still a ****** to shake off. But this other worry keeps popping back from about 4 yrs ago. Me and this other women both married. Drinking all afternoon with a few of us all then a taxi back to a mates house me and this other basically shared a bed. She did say we will just cuddle. I was stroking her and fondling she seemed to like it was slight bit of sex she did say i was persistent i asked to massage her she said if you want. I no what’s right and wrong. It was wrong to cheat i no that. Not one point did i feel like i feel now. It’s because of all the abuse claims like Harvey Weinstein etc that’s trigger these thoughts off. I did message her after a few days to see if she’s ok not because i did wrong but because i felt guilt for cheating she did say i,m ok just needs forgetting about. Which it did but the triggers set it off. I no exactly every detail what happened that night. And i no it was not abuse. It’s because i did all the movements if you no what i mean. I am sorry for being to graphic. But this has troubled me then it goes then comes back again. Thanks.
  11. brian36

    sexual/violent intrusive thoughts

    Yes I had it against my mum. My daughter which was worse. I feared my mum my daughter. You have to face the situation and ride it out and keep doing it until you will see progress. I did. You can't avoid your family.
  12. brian36

    Intrusive thoughts.

    Your not alone easy said than done. But it just shows what a caring person you are. Everyone gets these thoughts it's just we just get obsessed because we don't like them. Sometimes at night when you lie in bed trying to get to sleep! But you can't you try and try. You try not to think or go over things in your head. The more you try to stop thinking talking in your head. You think more and talk more in your head I mean. It gets annoying we all get this its natural. But my point is the more you don't want something they're it comes in. I hope this sort of made sense.
  13. brian36

    Intrusive thoughts.

    I think that has just sort of hit the nail on the head. Your scared of your thoughts that make you feel very scared. And your scared of blurting out your thoughts. (Loosing control) my violent tjoughts I,m scared incase I act on the urges or just suddenly lash out. I can actually see me doing this that's why it's scary. Images of me doing it. I used to get the sexual unwanted tjoughts and was also petrified of just suddenly acting on it. It's that feeling you think it's going to happen.
  14. brian36

    sexual/violent intrusive thoughts

    With the sexual tjoughts I just shake my head and say you self., it's just a thought it's my ocd trying to hatch on to it. I can sort of master that. But can't seem to master the violent 1. I,m doing something wrong but I can't explain what. For it to keep coming back.
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