Hello all, so i have this habit that i have done since i was younger, i first noticed it when we were in the car driving and as a little kid does i was looking out the window, however i was looking at the white lines in the road that divide the two lanes. Im not sure how but they facinated me. The short breaks between the lines made me count each line until they ended, once i started counting i couldnt stop because it felt like something bad would happen even though i knew it wouldnt. At times when i got in the car i refused to look at the ground because i knew i would have to count. I have done this for as long as i can remember. Then next came the drawing, you know as a kid you write words in the air and you have to try and guess what was written? people usually always do it when holding sparklers as it leaves the trail. well i started to become obsessed with shapes in my mind i would count the amount of lines a tv had, or a window, or a door, soon that wasnt enough and i would have to trace the lines in my mind but i would have to start in one corner and line to the opposite corner but stop before you reach the end and meet the line in the middle from the opposite side, sooo a simple square would have 8 lines. It had to be done the same way all the time to every object i come across.
next came the writing, remember i just said about the air writing? well when i saw a sentance i felt the need to write the word out in the air, if i do it wrong then i must start over. It was even words that people say as well as what i saw. I thought i had stopped doing it until a few months ago i got a kitten and he started to go after my fingers when i did it, i dont even realise im doing it but stop myself as soon as i realise. sometimes i can feel when im about to do it and hide my hand so nobody notices.
i know very well about urges and such as i have dealt with self harm (which sometimes resulted as a compulsion).
Is this OCD? i have never mentioned it to my therapist as i wasnt even aware i was doing it again until she was gone.
It seems very strange i do this and even more so that i feel i MUST do it.