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About irretractable

  • Birthday 30/06/1979

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  1. :original: It begins on the back of my shoulder and wraps around my arm twice. It's three lines thick. I'm glad you see the appropriateness!
  2. I have this in Greek on my right shoulder, wrapping around my arm: Ecclesiastes 2:11: "Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun." I didn't actually get it with OCD in mind. But in reflection, I find this verse very freeing. I spend my life looking for meaning in everything. This is a reminder not to do that. A lot of people ask me what my arm says, and then they're like "oh, that's depressing." I'm wondering if anyone else with OCD sees the positive in this?
  3. Generalizations are just that - they're generalizations. That doesn't mean there's not some validity to them. I can say that men, in general, are taller than women. That doesn't mean that ALL men are taller. But the generalization is still true. For example, here's a study in which OCD was associated with higher IQ. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11392347 Heart place, you're right on in pointing out the positives. Many different mental illnesses have been associated with different personality traits. (and there's data to back your assertions) There's positive inherent to suffering itself. I am a more compassionate person because I suffer. I truly believe I can experience more joy as a result of having suffered (and continuing to suffer). I choose to live my life with the "glass half full" perspective because I'll be pulled under if I don't.
  4. That's an ongoing doubt for me. I wonder whether I'm just constructing symptoms to get attention or as an excuse for my shortcoming. Or that it's convenient to think I have OCD rather than I'm actually doing something wrong.
  5. Yes, I can relate! I take forever to get dressed in the morning because I try to find the "perfect" outfit. I change clothes so many times. Two compulsions I'm working on are looking in my pull-down mirror while driving (to be sure I don't look strange) and looking in this mirror I have at work (again to be sure I don't look weird or my hair hasn't gotten funny, etc.) Every time I go in to get my hair done, I have my hair dresser change things just a bit, trying to get the perfect color. Sometimes I take pictures of myself with my phone when I'm getting dressed to get a better, "more objective" perspective. (I'm also trying to work on this and haven't done it in awhile.) I'm often afraid I'm dressed inappropriately for work in some way. And I can also relate to the acting "perfect." I constantly review the way I've acted and criticize myself. It's helpful to know that others struggle with this too and that it's part of OCD.
  6. That's too bad they haven't been so helpful. Is it a psychiatrist or a gp?
  7. Hi Paul, What was the task your therapist did to alter things a bit?
  8. Is your dose of citalopram high enough? (i.e. do you have room to work with it?) Could you ask for an increase? Sorry you're having a hard time.
  9. It does make sense, but maybe a good therapist can push through that. A good therapist can help you get out of feeling sorry for yourself.
  10. My thought would be to treat both at the same time. Are you interested in medication? An SSRI can target both. It is possible that getting over the OCD could help your depression, in which case you could try CBT first and see if it helps. CBT can be effective for depression too. I think it depends how depressed you are and how much it's impacting you. If you're having a hard time functioning, I think it might make sense to treat both at the same time. What ways are you thinking about to treat your depression? (I have bipolar and OCD...and tourette's)
  11. I can totally relate! Sometimes when I'm meeting with people, I'll get the urge to stare at them in an inappropriate place. Then I'll be afraid that I actually did it and that they noticed. This whole thing makes it quite difficult to keep carrying on like nothing is wrong. It happens in work and social situations. I try to just say to myself "this is your OCD, move on, there's nothing you can do about it." Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't.
  12. That's great they're referring you for CBT! Individual or group? Maybe the therapist can help you address your depression and suicidality with CBT too. CBT can help the meds work better.
  13. The key is that the intrusive thoughts aren't the problem. It's you being afraid of them that creates the problem. As long as you're trying not to have them, they're going to be stronger and stronger. You have to allow yourself to have them, even if they're vile and repulsive and blasphemous. You can even try to have them, rather than running away from them. What do you believe about God? Do you believe He is kind and compassionate, a loving God? He knows you have OCD. He's smart enough to figure out what your true intentions are. I don't think He'll be thrown off by you thinking some horrible thoughts. What are your compulsions? I used to have to repeat a prayer every time I thought I'd done something wrong. I was always afraid I was committing blasphemy, and I didn't really even know what that was so it was even more terrifying.
  14. The fact that this just popped into your head is completely consistent with it being an OCD thought. And, besides, your therapist is not all-knowing. She would have absolutely no way of know whatever happened at that event. So she would have no ability to have any opinion about what did or didn't happen at that event. She wouldn't be able to reassure you, and she wouldn't be able to tell you something happened. And if you only saw her for three sessions, she would really have no idea of know whether you were fine before this event anyway. You can't get to know someone in three sessions. Try not to torture yourself.
  15. Yes, that's what you have to accept. And you have to accept that there is absolutely no way to know with 100% certainty the reason for those urges. But you have to go about your life anyway.
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