Ocdhead

Thanks everyone for your advice Had my first therapy session this morning. I let out all my fears, all the events and triggers that have scared me so much about pocd and my other obsessions and I am so relieved to have let it all out. The therapist didn’t judge me at all and really listened and understood my worries. I wish I had done this years ago! I am starting to feel hopeful for the future that I might recover from this finally!

Update: I spoke to a mental health practitioner and been referred to a counselling psychologist with expertise in ocd. I didn’t mention specific themes as she was definitely not an expert in ocd and just said “sexual obsessions” and ruminations. I have an appointment with the psychologist on Saturday and I’m really nervous about fully opening up. It is so scary to put my obsessions with pocd out there. Does anyone have any tips or words of advice on how to just let it all out? I’m so afraid they’ll think I’m a horrible person or a danger or something

Hi Everyone, I have an appointment today with a bupa mental health person to get referred to a cbt therapist but I’m really scared. I am 31 now and I think I have had ocd since I was 12. I only learned about ocd when I was 23 and over the last 8 years I have done a lot of self help and learning about ocd and cbt from this forum and break free from ocd book. The last 8 years have generally been manageable, however over the last year I have been having more serious episodes that can last a week at a time before settling down. I have several themes, the biggest being pocd. With everything I have learned over the past 8 years the day to day intrusive thoughts have died down. The issues over the last year seem to be certain trigger events which cause flare ups. I am worried that the person assessing me today will think it’s not ocd or I don’t have it seriously enough because it doesn’t cripple me every single day and because the everyday thoughts don’t worry me as much anymore. it’s taken me 8 years to be able to ask for help as I know it’s best thing for me in the long run to be able to enjoy life but I am really afraid to go through with it in case they tell me it’s not ocd. I would be really grateful if anyone can offer any help

Sorry I have not replied further to this thread, I have been taking time to try and think through everything to try and stop myself worrying. I have managed to reduce my anxiety somewhat but I still have worries... I think I am coming to the conclusion that it was my reaction to what I saw that was the problem and not what I actually saw. I still worry though, I know the site I was on was a legal site and so all girls have to be 18 (or so i hope) but I worry that the girls I saw looked very young like 13/14 ! I know people can look younger but what is still worrying me is the fact that the fist time I saw it I'm sure I felt physical arousal! I'm not really sure what to do now, I don't want to go back on the site, but I know avoidance is bad for OCD.

A bit of background on me: I have also had hocd since I was 14 althought I have had that beaten for the last 3 years with only the occasional minor spike. I am so worried about this that this time it's not OCD, I have no desire to do anything to children or underage girls and feel appalled by what I have done and I have been up nearly all night racked with worry and guilt! I'm in a loving relations hip and am madly in love with my girlfriend and I want kids of my own one day, this is killing me and this time I fear I've gone too far and it's not OCD anymore? I can't think straight anymore and I know I'm rambling now but I haven't a clue whRther this is part of OCD or something more! (

Hi, this is my first ever post. Recently I have developed pocd (intrusive thoughts about children), I have had OCD in some form since my early teens (23 now) although i didn't know this is what it was till pocd started and I found this site. Anyways I thought I had it under control (the thoughts) but I have suffered a setback and have been up all night and crying sure this time I'm a pedo ! Anyways what happened is that yesterday I was looking at porn on one of the mainstream tube sites when next to video I was watching there was an advert for a porn site with thumbnails where the girls looked very young (like 13/ 14 ish) now my first reaction was instant worry I'd seen this but I calmed myself down by reminding myself that these websites have strict over 18 only policies on models used and so I simply exited the page and carried on. However about 20 minutes after I had finished I had the urge that I had to see this ad again to check that these girls were in fact 18 or over, unfortunately my OCD got the better of me and I looked for it again (I soso wish I hadnt cos I'm racked with guilt and worry and doubt now) and clicked on it cos In my OCD state I had to know whether they were legal! So stupid I know! Any way the site was one of these barely legal teen sites called 18girls or something and I checked it was a legal site by finding the 2257 disclaimer However I couldn't help but look at the girls from the advert on this new site as if by looking at them I would somehow be able to tell if they were old enough! The thing I'm most worried about is that these girls, while obviously post pubescent didnt look 18 and now I'm racked with guilt and doubt that I'm a pedo cos I kept looking and checking my reaction and the worst part is the first time I looked it felt like I was having physical arousal although the second and only other time I checked I had no reaction! I know reassurance is the wrong way to go and I'm just can't seem to accept that this is OCD cos I haven't found any similar posts and I feel disgusted and have had no sleep and cried over the fact that I've checked and may have had arousal over girls that looked so young in porn even tho they be 18 cos iit was a legal site! I know barely legal is a legal type of porn but the fact they looked so young and that I kept looking and have checked once or twice means I'm a pedo even tho this thought that I am has caused me so much anguish! I need help and have no idea what to do