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About dksea

  • Birthday 11/08/1980

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    Tokyo, Japan

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  1. I haven't used any of the various VR platforms myself other than a couple demos many years ago, but just wanted to suggest the Oculus Quest 2 as a potential alternative. Its cheaper than the Rift S and doesn't require a PC to play games (though it can be used with one apparently). I'm sure the games vary quite a bit in quality, but I've heard some, like Beat Saber are quite fun. Another alternative if you have a Play Station 4 is to consider the PS VR setup.
  2. Speaking from my own experience only, it has never made me feel numb that I’m aware of. I started at 13 years old and just turned 40 this year. Over 2/3 of my life has been on the meds, so in a way it’s just “normal” for me. I would say the only side effect I’ve noticed over the years is mild drowsiness at times, but then I also don’t have the best sleep habits so it’s probably not 100% the medications fault either 😆 I’ve tried different doses over the years, and there have also been some times where I’ve gotten sloppy about taking my medication (usually when things are going well) and I’ve also gone through some rough patches with the OCD spiking for other reasons. Basically from that I can say that, for me, the meds basically help me shrug off the intrusive thoughts. They become less sticky and I’m able to respond to them like a non-OCD person would. They just don’t seem to bother me the way they do when my meds are lower and/or the OCD is more intense. The other insight I have is from my parents. They said that after I started taking the medicine, it was like I was back to my old self, before the OCD started bothering me. I’ve tried going down on the dosage a few times over the years, to see if I could stop taking it and every time the OCD came roaring back with a vengeance, and I went back up to a known good dosage level (for me) again. Maybe if I was willing I could try and tough it out using just CBT, but since I don’t seem to have any significant side effects it seems like a small price to pay for being able to live my life. Of course everyone’s situation is different, so doing exactly what I have done might not be the best path for you. But I think medication is at least worth considering when fighting OCD. There’s a lot of potential upside, and very little downside. But it’s not for everyone and that’s ok too. You have to find the path that helps you the most, but I will close with saying that overcoming OCD involves taking on fear and doubt, and that can include the fear and doubt of medication. Good luck with your decision, I hope this helps!
  3. Hi @Tealight, so sorry to hear about the difficult times you are going through. OCD alone is a real struggle, and adding COVID on top of that? Its absolutely understandable you are struggling right now, so many are! Its normal to be reluctant about taking medication. I know I was when my own therapist first suggested it. Now, some 27 years later though? I am so grateful they did! It has made a huge difference in my life and helped me be me. Its not perfect, and CBT is also vital, but I can't imagine what things might have been like for me without that help. Not everyone uses or needs to use medication to deal with their OCD, and thats great for them. Some people only need to use it temporarily to get a stable foundation going before they continue to tackle OCD through therapy alone. Maybe that will be you. But once you find a good medication and dosage level, you might be surprised at how it can help. And it doesn't have to be forever. You can stop if it has difficult side effects, or if you have gotten to a point you feel comfortable handling it through CBT alone. Its not a life long commitment to try it. Good luck and hang in there.
  4. There are no subtypes of OCD. There is only OCD. People categorize OCD for their convenience but the only difference between a person with "POCD" and "HOCD" is what thought happened to be going through their head when their OCD acted up. OCD can be about anything. If you can think about it, if you can worry about it, you can obsess about it. Maybe you are the first person in the world to have your particular worry. Give how many people have OCD thats unlikely, but it's possible. Well someone else was the first person to have OCD about being gay. Some else was the first person to have OCD about hitting someone with their car. Someone else was the first person to have OCD about a night they were drunk and can't remember everything that happened. It didn't mean they didn't have OCD, it doesn't mean YOU don't have OCD. As Polar Bear points out, whether or not you have OCD is not based on the topic of your fear but the three components, Obsessions, Compulsions, and Disorder. If you meet those criteria, you have OCD. Thats all there is to it. You could have OCD about chocking on marshmallows, or tripping and falling down stairs, or being a secret spy whose brain has been manipulated so you don't remember it, or any. other. topic. The best thing you can do for yourself is to stop trying to fit yourself into some arbitrary category. You have OCD, thats all you need to know to start recovery. The next thing you can and should do is get help from a qualified mental health professional if at all possible. OCD can be beaten, you can get back control of your life, but it takes time and effort. However the sooner you start, the sooner you'll get where you want to be, in control again.
  5. Hi @Flic, welcome to the forums. Safe to say many people, including those without OCD are worried about COVID right now. Unfortunately it is a real problem, and people should be taking it seriously. However, like anything, OCD can latch on to that and make everything worse. Part of living in the world is accepting that we can't control everything, we can't prevent every bad outcome. We can only take a reasonable effort to do the right thing and hope for the best. Dealing with and overcoming OCD involves a few things, one of which is to accept that we can't be 100% certain about anything. Unfortunately that includes the possibility that we might get sick and pass that sickness on to our loved ones. Another part of overcoming OCD is learning/re-learning how to better deal with risk. Right now your mind is jumping to the worst case scenarios, like most OCD sufferers minds do, and trying to base your decisions on that. The problem is, your brain is falsely treating those worst case scenarios as also the most likely ones. This is usually not the case, and all doing that does is give us greater anxiety, while doing little to nothing to actually change the odds of the feared outcome. By all means take the recommended precautions. Wear a mask when you go out. Limit your social contact with people. Try to stay physically distant as much as you reasonably can. Wash your hands after being out (and at other times you normally would). Do the things doctors and experts recommend. And again its understandable to have some worry about your friends and loved ones. However you also need to remind yourself that you are only human, you can't control the future, and because you have OCD you are likely to feel more anxiety, even if that anxiety is not justified based on the actual level of risk.
  6. The thing is, it IS OCD. This is how OCD feels. I know, I've been there. I've been walking on a sidewalk feeling like if I didn't use every ounce of willpower I had I would throw myself in to traffic. Because that was my fear at the time, losing control and doing something to hurt myself. I eventually confessed it to my doctor and my therapist. I was convinced they would say that I was suicidal and lock me up. Surely this was real, surely this wasn't just OCD. But they didn't. Because they could clearly see what I couldn't, it WAS OCD. It was exactly OCD. To get over it I had to trust them. I had to stop believing my own fears. I had to do scary things like walk not he sidewalk and NOT fight the "urges". And guess what? I didn't throw myself in traffic. None of the urges or what I believed were "movements" towards doing it resulted in my hurting myself. It was always just fear. Incredibly uncomfortable, quite scary fear. Hard to deal with fear. But still, just fear. I was not a threat to myself, just as you are not a threat to your brother. Part of the reason OCD is so hard is precisely because of how "real" it feels. If it didn't feel this way we wouldn't be having the problem in the first place. You aren't just going to feel "ok" and be able to move on with this. You are going to feel afraid, you are going to feel disgusted, you are going to feel like something terrible might/will happen. You MUST trust that its OCD anyway. That is the choice you have to make, the choice you SHOULD make. You don't need to stay away from your brother. That would be avoidance, a compulsion. You feel awful you feel like a monster, thats real, those feelings, but that doesn't mean you ARE a monster, that you ARE awful. Staying away from your brother will not protect him, because you are not a threat to begin with. You are afraid of being a threat, but that doesn't mean you are. We tell you this, others tell you this, maybe you even accept it for a brief time, but then the bad feelings come back and you doubt it, you experience the fear, and you become convinced that part is right. I know its hard, but you need to stop believing what the fear says, and the way you do that is by choice. You make the choice that EVEN THOUGH it feels real, you are not going to do what it says. You are going to take a chance, that we are right, and your brain is wrong. You are going to recognize that you can't trust what your brain is saying right now because of OCD, because of a malfunction, because of a false alarm. Its a form of testing, its totally normal for an OCD sufferer, and its not messed up in the sense you mean it. Its messed up in that your brain is allowing something meaningless to become a huge issue that you MUST react to. Its lying to you. so you touched your brothers arm or leg. So what. Thats normal. Its not hurting him. It only seems like a big deal to you because of your OCD. I wish I could somehow make you able to see this the way I or Malina or Polar Bear, etc. sees it. I really do. Since I can't I can only encourage you to listen to us and take the leap of faith. I can only hope you will recognize that what you are doing now isn't working and you DO have the power to change things, it just means doing some parts you'll find unpleasant. I'm not going to lie and say it will be fun or easy or quick, but it will help, you will get better, and it will be worth it.
  7. You are sick, you have OCD, its a mental illness. Trust me, I understand how scary and painful this is for you. I went through something similar, except in my case it was fear I would do something to hurt myself. There were times where it felt like I HAD to fight the "urges" OR ELSE I would give in and do something. I was wrong. Fortunately I had a good therapist to work with, though it took time. I finally stopped fighting the "urges" and guess what? Nothing bad happened. It was scary, and it was hard. I had to take a chance that my therapist (and my psychiatrist, and my parents, etc.) we're right and it was just OCD. I very much DID NOT want to die, yet if my "urges" were real thats exactly what would have happened! I would have thrown myself in front of a car or off a bridge or something. Those were the "urges" I was afraid of. It never happened. When I was on a bridge or near traffic or near a knife, or some other "scary" situation I just kept doing what I was doing, and in time the fear went away, the "urges" stopped being an issue. I saw them for what they REALLY were, OCD obsessions and fears. Intrusive thoughts. Garbage. You are not a monster. You are not going to harm your brother. You are someone who is clearly suffering with OCD, I have no doubt (but you definitely do, because, well thats how OCD works). You need to trust the collective wisdom of the forums, the medical and mental health professionals, the people who have been through this and come out the other side. We know its hard, we know it sucks, and we know what you are going through because we have been there. You have way more power over this than you know. You can beat this, it can get better. Its hard work, but its worth it.
  8. Hi @Cora, I want to emphasize (thus repeating him again) what PolarBear says here because it is spot on. I understand you feel like your situation might be/is different. Trust us when we tell you it's not. We've all felt it before, heard it before, or both. Nothing you have shared so far has shocked us, surprised us, scared us, etc. Its totally run of the mill OCD. Don't get me wrong, run of the mill OCD is painful and hard. Dealing with it is obviously causing you a lot of distress. Dealing with it isn't easy. But its doable. We can help you, but you have to be the one who does the work. It takes time and effort and doing things you won't want to do, but its worth it. Trust us.
  9. While some people find it convenient to categorize OCD, its important to keep in mind that there is only one kind of OCD, and that is OCD. Themes can (and often do) change over time, and the steps to get control back from OCD are basically the same, only the specific details change a little to address your current anxiety. I recommend not putting too much emphasis on what "type" of OCD you have, and focus on understanding why CBT works and then applying it to your recovery, regardless of your current obsession (or obsessions). That way you're better prepared no matter what OCD throws at you.
  10. Hi @Jamesw, welcome to the forums. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. As PolarBear says, the specific obsession isn't really important. Of course it feels important to you, but only because its causing you pain right now. Your obsession happened to be about faces this time. It could have been something else, it could be something else in the future. People often think OCD chooses specific thoughts, like OCD is some villain or bully acting against you. While it can sometimes help to personify OCD in this way, the truth is that OCD doesn't CHOOSE to do anything. It can't, its a condition not a person. Your OCD just happened to trigger while you were thinking that thought. If it had triggered a second later or a second earlier it would have probably been some other stray thought. Point being, try not to place too much importance (no importance would be best!) on what your particular obsession is about. The reality is its just meaningless garbage. The more you treat it that way, the less it will bother you and stick around. Of course thats easier said than done, it takes time and effort, but it does work. There are a number of approaches you can use to help with this, a qualified mental health professional can teach you, or you can do some self-guided therapy using a book or two. The specific type of therapy for OCD (as well as some other disorders) is called Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, or CBT. If you are not familiar with it I encourage you to read the information on the OCD-UK website, and talk with your doctor or therapist about it.
  11. You've changed houses before, yet you keep worrying. Changing houses is not going to be any different this time if you don't change the real problems. You CAN change how you see this, but it means doing the work, hard work yes, but necessary. You HAVE to touch the things that make you feel uneasy, you have to face the anxiety and do things anyway. Yes its hard, yes its unpleasant, but it can be done. Bleaching is just a compulsion, the worry comes back for these people too. Your situation isn't different from there's, to them it feels just as awful. But their situation doesn't change your situation. You still have to do the work if you want things to change. Trust me, I wish there was an easier way (medication can help, but you still have to do the work). But you can keep things going the way the are OR you can do what is known to work, what we are telling you to do, what we have seen work and what science has shown can work. But ultimately its up to you. You only fail if you give up. You can make the choice to touch the item, and even to use it. Its up to you. You are in control here, right now you are giving up that control to OCD, but you have a choice.
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