gingerbreadgirl

Do you seriously think gay people walk round like this??

It's tricky because while I do see your point @northpaul - sometimes it is difficult to offer advice without acknowledging key factors that the poster has mentioned eg nll's relationship which plays a central role in his current struggles. I think also - and this is a general statement rather than about NLL - that it is not uncommon that people who are in unhealthy or toxic relationships struggle to raise this with anyone and talking about it anonymously online may be the first time they have done this. I think that it is a tricky line to tread because NLL and sometimes other posters have mentioned what appears to be objectively unhealthy behaviours (spitting, abusive language etc) and I think that it's important that people can receive feedback on these types of behaviours. (Again this is a general comment ) - but people in abusive relationships can at times be isolated and doubt whether the behaviour is acceptable or not, so if they raise it I think others should be able to freely comment on it. I'm not saying this applies here, but it does sometimes. I do see your point though Paul about making assumptions about people's perspectives when they are not here to directly say either way.

This really resonates with me @bluegas - like you I do loads of running/gym etc and I love it and it really helps with my mental health in general - BUT when OCD is really bad I find it gets loads worse after exercise.

This took me a minute

I think anything you do to answer it while you're in this much distress is a compulsion and it isn't helping you at all. Leave it alone - the whole thing - leave it alone and do nothing with it not even to say it's OCD or anything just leave it unanswered and go about your day

Do nothing - don't say anything - leave it unanswered and get on with your day.

thanks bluegas. To be very honest things only got better for me when my ex partner left me (for reasons not related to OCD) - I don't think I would've got better if that hadn't happened even with all the CBT I was doing. So I do see your point about its limits

Ha thanks bluegas - I do see your point and I do understand where you're coming from with a lot of your posts (and like Lynz said they make me laugh too ) I didn't want to trivialise what NLL is going through and I have had the exact same thing happen with numerous themes (and was dogged by a vvvv similar theme to NLL in my previous relationship and ended up wrecking things with my confessions etc). When the new theme takes hold its like - boom, the old one is gone. I think this is why I soooo want to help NLL get out of this cos I've been in this nightmare before and it was the worst time of my life by far. I guess I was just hoping to help NLL see that all his torture has gone just like that, replaced by a new torture, and that's how insanely powerful OCD is

This is true for me too actually with some themes. So I have some hangups around people coming into the flat and all the compulsions I end up doing - the other day I told some good friends not to come over (because I couldn't face doing the checking etc). Even though I really wanted to see them. So I can relate to this. These things are complex I guess!

I agree that compulsions are an attempt to self sooth (for me anyway) and sometimes it works temporarily (when an obsession is really bad they don't seem to work at all) - but of course as we know they can come back and bite us.

Ok so think about this for a minute. For MONTHS you have been AGONISING over this. Tearing yourself completely apart. Taking pills, in a&e, on the phone to crisis, absolutely wrecking your life. And yet all of a sudden you can casually say, oh fantasies are fine everyone can see that? Do you see how warped your thinking has been around this? Can you not entertain the idea even for a second that maybe, just maybe, your thinking is warped around this too and you just can't see it right now? Please please don't answer with "oh but this is different because XYZ" please really think about this and how tortured you were in relation to your fantasies.

Hi nll Can you let us know you're ok when you can? Are you somewhere safe? X

I said what I said because I think it could be very triggering to people reading on this forum to think that OCD fears are related to personal integrity.

Nll put this down now!! Put it down before this too pushes you to a graveyard with pills. Leave it alone and do SOMETHING else, anything else!

Blunt question Cora - do you read any of the posts people write for you on here?

Agreed, the hypocrisy is breathtaking tbh

Genuinely wouldn't care

My view is it's none of my business what my partner texts to friends whether a recent friend or from a while back.

None of this is about integrity.

Agree 10000% - and I think the idea that we shouldn't do this is part of what keeps people stuck in unhealthy relationships

Fair enough, everyone has their own opinions on these things

Honestly I think your relationship has become quite unhealthy in lots of ways obviously it's not our business but it may be worth thinking about this, don't have to discuss it but maybe can just have a think

What would you not like about it?

Why would your wife be bothered by you reaching out to a friend to talk about a serious mental health issue?

It is amazing how OCD does this. I've experienced this many times. Suddenly a new obsession comes along and it's like "oh this is so much worse than the old one". Well done for spotting its game xx