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Bulletin Board User
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About Si.P

  • Birthday 13/01/1984

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  • OCD Status

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    West Sussex, UK
  1. Thanks for the reply its always good to know theres others who understand. My family is the only thing that keeps me going and I'm ashamed to admit they are probably all that keep me alive. I'm trying to be positive about the therapy but i just don't want to be disappointed.
  2. I have been struggling a lot recently with various things that my OCD effects. The main one is my work, I have been on and off work now for a year and have just been cut to half pay. I'm the only person working in my house hold, I have a wife and two year old daughter who rely on me and now I cant even pay the bills. I feel like **** because I cant provide for them but tomorrow I have my first CBT therapy session which is being paid for by the company but honestly I hold up little hope for it working. I had a horrible letter from my boss the other day saying about how I must be committed to this and I need to stand on my own two feet and interact with other colleagues in an acceptable manner. This has made me feel awful and really low. I have got to the point where I just want to give up and just let the OCD do whatever it wants because I don't have the energy to fight it. Its a silly question but does anyone else ever feel like this?
  3. I think a lot of us have the same problem. Although you know they are trying to help sometimes its difficult to not just telling them what you think they want to hear. In order to get help you need to be honest with them as well as your self. Like you I have had thoughts of ending it all but know I never actually would.
  4. Have you told your employer about you OCD? I have had no choice. My OCD was triggered by work and mainly only occurs whilst I'm there. I work as an engineer for the railway servicing and maintaining the trains and my OCD means I constantly have to recheck my work as I think I have missed things. Eventually I had to tell my employer there was a problem as I couldn't do my job anymore but it wasn't until after this I found out it was OCD. I have now had to tell my employer that is what the problem is. Have you told your work colleagues? I don't feel like I should have to hide this and I'm not ashamed of it so if anyone asks why I have been off then I tell them. How have they reacted? I have had mixed reactions. Some people are genuinely interested and if so I tell them more people other people don't want to talk about it so I don't go into detail. There will always be people who don't believe you or think its made up. With my checking problem I have often just been told to ignore it or tell myself I have done the task (why didn't I think of that!). Do you prefer to hide your condition altogether? No, you wouldn't hide a cold or a broken arm so why hide this. Are there parts of your condition you keep secret? Yes, I don't feel that everyone needs to know all the exact details of my OCD and the effects it has on me. I tell them about the conditions which they might see and those that will occur at work but not the extent that this condition has on me. I don't like talking about how low I have gotten at times because of the OCD. Are your company supportive? Yes and no. They are about to pay for private therapy for me but I feel that is only because their duty of care so far has been suspect and my union threatened them with a medical negligence claim as their occupational health doctor over ruled my own doctors decision to sign me off work pending a review from a psychiatrist as I was getting extremely low and he couldn't find anything that would help. The result of me going back was that my OCD and depression got worse. Although my company are paying for this treatment they are putting a lot of pressure on me to come back and be fully up to speed quickly.
  5. Sorry I do take an ssri as well but I also take pregabalin to help with anxiety which is what he has an issue with. The OH doctor doesn't seem interested in the OCD he just wrote it down on the notes and it hasn't been mentioned since.
  6. Hi legend, I'm still waiting for CBT as there are no slots available at the moment. I'm taking Pregabalin at the moment for anxiety but the O/H doctor wants me to start taking beta blockers instead. I am in a union at work so may see if they have any advice.
  7. Hi guys, sorry just need to get something out of my system. I've explained on here before that I'm a service engineer for the railway fixing trains but because of my OCD I have lost all confidence in myself and think I'm missing things and making mistakes so have to keep checking everything I do. Recently my company decided that for the time being they would make me a cleaner instead which made me feel really low but I thought at least my urge to check things wouldn't effect me doing that job but it has. I'm not even able to do a simple task but as soon as I go home I'm basically fine so I came to the conclusion that maybe I needed another job so I applied to be a bus driver. I passed the application and today I did some assessment tests which I passed and felt great but when I got home and worked out the drop in money me and my wife realised that it wasn't possible (my wages would drop a 1/3). Now I just don't know what to do, I'm struggling so much at work but I cant afford to go elsewhere and the companies occupational health seem determined to get me to leave. Whilst I was signed off by my doctor the O/H doctor signed me back fit to work as I had been signed of pending a psychiatrists review but he wanted me to go back to work as "they can take a while to come through" and he has now asked me to try to get my psychiatrist to change my medication as he doesn't like what they are prescribing me to take. Sorry for the rant I'm just lost, I feel like **** and my head is now pounding.
  8. Thanks for all the kind helpful replies and thread hi-jack? A couple of days off work has really helped me start to get my head back together again so I'm going to try to start a fresh tomorrow and see what happens. Thanks again everyone
  9. Thanks for the replies, sometimes I just get so frustrated and need to let it all out.
  10. I'm waiting for a time slot to come avaliable for cbt therapy and I have also had some telephone counselling through work but that hasn't helped. It has got to the point now where I'm expecting problems before they happen which I know makes it worse.
  11. My OCD exists only at my work and this week its really gone nuts. I work maintaining trains and testing the safety systems on them but in January I started questioning my work and had to constantly recheck things. In the end it got so bad that I could no longer do my job and since then i have just been do little jobs to help out at work. For some reason this week everything has really blown up and I've been terrified even being on a train at work and yet I travel on them everyday without any problems. I can't afford to just quit but I dont know what to do.
  12. I work full time which is shifts so days, nights and everywhere in between. The problem I have is that my OCD only exists at work, when I get home it completely stops. This makes it really difficult for me as I dread going in each day.
  13. Thanks, hopefully the CBT will start back in a few weeks
  14. Sorry I need to vent some frustration and thought this would be the best place. I suffer with OCD but only really at work. I have to constantly recheck what I have done again and again and get convinced I have missed things and made mistakes which will cause problems. I over think things so something little becomes massive. I started cbt and I started to get better but it then had to go on hold for a bit and I have slipped back really quickly. It's so frustrating and depressing, sorry for the rant.
  15. Hi Mooncloud and welcome to the forum. I'm glad you have gotten control of the suicidal thoughts as thats one hurdle down. Si
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