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About Mioara

  • Birthday 11/09/1984

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    I need to understant what ocd does to my husband so i can help him.
  1. My husband was on cipralex since may 2013,until april 2014 and i can say it was the worse time of our life. They messed up his brain completely during the treatment. He wasnt giving a **** about nothing or no one...he was distroying himself and everyone who loves him. In february 2014 he started pshichotherapy wich helped him alot and he started to reduce the dose slowly. From 8th of april he is "clean" and he feels better. If anything happens again(God forbid) i know that he will never take pills again. I have been told that they help people...but not my hubbie...
  2. He sent me this message:" Mioara,its not working anymore,i dont want to continue this situation and i can't. I will help u to find an appartment to live in,i will give u money,in maximum onr month i will buy a house and a car for you and u have to continue your life without me. I am still not completly recovered after the breakdown from last nite"...... how do u interpretate this message?? Is it or it is not over from his point of view?
  3. Dont think that i left because i couldnt cope anymore... I would come back to him in this moment if he asks me to,but he kicked me out of his life!!! I love him and i cry everymoment when i am not on xanax,coz i miss him so badly... now i am playing my last card: i am giving him what he asked for few weeks ago: a period of time with no contact between us,no calls,no messages...not to know what other does...It is hard for me to act like this....but this is what he wants,and this is what i am giving to him,.... and even tho he told me it is over....i still hope that after few weeks he will miss me so badly and he will ask me to come back to him....
  4. If u don't mind...i will copy-paste the private message i sent to Yasmin.... "With a broken heart....i am telling u it is over....last nite we had the worse moment of our lifes I managed to bring him home and i locked the door so he cannot escape and to have a chat with him..... (( He had a panic attack...he fainted,he tried to jump out the window(we live at 2nd floor),he put a knife to his throat and threatened me he will stab himself...then he had convulsions and he was crying like a insane person....it was more than i could ever imagine....It killed me from inside....IT IS OVER!!! And not because i took this decision,but he said i tortured him by trying to keep him like a prisoner inside the house... He said he doesnt need no any other woman in his life.... Today i looked for and appartment to move out and i am still looking... He made it verry clear that our thing is over and its pointless to continue like this... From my side i did everything i could to help him and to stay with him.... I feel weird: sometimes i feel nothing,sometimes i cry,sometimes i am ok and i am accepting the fact that its over...... Sometimes i fell that my life is over...OCD distroyed our lifes coz he is not happy either... I feel lost...and i wish i didnt love him the way i do...."
  5. Yes I feel like dieing... I cannot imagine my life without him....
  6. OCD finally distroyed my life! I hate OCD!!! It took my love,my dreams,my future...my everything... It is destroying my husbands brain and i can do nothing about it.... He doesnt want me arround him anymore! ((( I hate OCD! I hate life!!!
  7. I uderstand what u mean,but i made my plan already... If my marriage is going down i will go to Germany...I have no plan on living in Romania all my life.. i dont know why,i never imagined my life in this country...
  8. He is Pakistani muslim,but he lived in uk all his life,until he came in Romania for studies.Yes,he is a proud guy. When we moved in together,he decided that I should not go to work anymore because he thought at that time that his friends will think about him that he is not strong enough to take care of his girl.Things have changed now,and he thinks different,he is more open minded and he wants me to have a job coz he knows that its not good for neither of us if I don't keep my mind busy. But now I have to stay on standby coz we will have to move to uk by the end of this year,and its pointless to look for a job here now. I contacted Legend,but no reply yet... I would like to talk to Ashley,especially if u think he could help me. In about 2 hours my sugar baby is coming to pick us up(me and our dog). I am so happy...cant wait to hug him!!!!
  9. I have no idea what kind of ocd it is,but it definitely is ocd and I always keep forgetting to also mention about ADH...he developed it in the last month...or less and he also got Restless Legs Syndrome last October. Everything kicked in as it would be space for any other thing. I just hope it stops here...before its too late. We meet almost 8 years ago and we moved in together after 5-6 months....coz in the first months we used to spend every moment together so we decided we should do something about it. So,we always lived like a married couple...I don't think the marriage changed him. As I said in the last post... the only thing I can do from now is just wait for this 4 weeks to pass to see what happens. if he doesn't do a thing about it, 12th of September I will introduce him to everyone here! In Romanian we have a saying:"i don't want to get drunk with cold water"=I don't have big expectations. Now I only have to focus on staying calm and think about myself how to hang on in this situation for 4 weeks. I also have to focus on my health coz 2 days before I left the house I was diagnosed with cervical spondylosis and I was supposed to be under treatment and physiotherapy which I didn't do all because of this situation. And if I mention about fibrocystic breast with fibroadenoma, gastritis,migraines and low blood pressure you might say" jeez!!!how much more can u take??" ... As I am trying to take care of my husband I am neglecting myself, and I wouldn't regret it if he was doing something about his situation...
  10. This forum helped me a lot! It helped me understand most of the things I didn't know about my husband's problem and also it helped me find the way to communicate with him without pressing his anxiety key. I even convinced him to allow me to come back home so I can be closer to him and help him get rid of the stressfull situations.The only problem is that this time he will move out,but in the same city... and maybe area...just until my birthday which is September 11th lol. In this time he will have his space and he will try to fix his life in his own way. The deal is: if he doesn't do anything till that day, from 11th I will have complete control of his life and he will allow me to do whatever I think is best for him... I will need patience for this...but... God help us!!! It's only for 4 weeks from today...
  11. hey everyone, I am sorry to say,last night I had to take Xanax so I can get some rest...I wanted to sleep but my heart was beating so weird: verry fast,then I had moments when I couldn feel the beats. I also had liver ache al day yesterday,for the first time in my life. So I decided that I need something to calm me down. First I took 0.5 and I thought it might be less and then I took another 0.5 even tho I was scared I might not wake up with the pills and heart ubnormal beating. I hed the longest sleep in the last week or more..i slept like 10 housre or so.. I went to sleep nervous and I woke up the same. Yesterday I nicely told my husband to spend some time with him self to think about the situation and again he lied to me he said he will do so and he will lie to the boys that he will be out of town so he can be alone. He sent me some text messages all day yesterday,like: I am happy with my achievement:i managed to do the laundry(for the first time in his life....I had to guide him through the phone coz he never used a washing machine in his life) and he said it didn't take him long to arrange the clothes on the thing u put the clothes so they can dry(I don't know how its called in English). I asked him once to take the clothes out of washing machine coz I had to go outside and it took him one our to put them to dry coz he was arranging and kept doing the compulsion for one hour. He also sent a text message where he told me that he wants to be a good muslim...and in another message he told me that he needs to do therapy coz without cipralex he is a dead man. I was so happy to recive all this messages and I thought to myself" this guy really took his time to think about everything and he even communicates with me. At 8pm he said he was going to eat something and after that he was gonna go back home to complete his page on OCDChallenge. That made me more happy...but here comes the ******* off part: at 9:30pm he was still outside and told me he is eating and he will go home in 40 min(that would have been 10:10pm. I tried to stay calm and didn't say nothing and I waited for him to get home and ask me for the password for the ocdchallenge account. He got home at 11pm?!?!?!?! and he told me he was out with two friends( he told me he will spend the day alone so he can think). I still didn't say nothing,even though I was boiling from inside. He suddenly asked me where did I put the gas spray for his air gun coz he wanted to play. I asked him what is the conclusion he got to and he said he will tell me whet he feels after 2-3 days.That was the moment I completely lost it and I sent the username and password for the account and told him: I am tired,i want to go to sleep and good night. He replied" I only wanted to play a little with the gun:((((((.... I will start the online therapy on ocdchallenge now (((((((((((" and after this I said:" I also had a hope that u will tell me tonight what decision u took so I can finaly sleep peacefully coz I will know what I have to do from now on. This situation is overwhelming for me. I feel blocked in this place and in this situation. I am extremely sorry" and after that he didn't reply nothing. Before all this happened I was watching Temple Grandin and for a moment I fel asleep and I heard like a voice in my head" your marriage is over" and I woke up...it was like 2 seconds...really weird..i don't know if it was the feeling that the movie gave me...or it was only my brain who is starting to realize that this man doesn't want me in his life anymore. I am so frustrated and angry with him coz yesterday he said he will go outside to eat coz he feels is going insane if he stays allday inside the house... and I said to myself" its ok...he will go and after that he will go back home and think about it...today he wont stay only outside" it looks like I trusted his words more than I had to. What makes me angry is that I am here all alone(my brother is in Germany and my sister in law works from 8 til 7 everyday) and I asked him for ONE DAY to stay at home to think about it and he didn't think about me. I am going insane here all alone,reading continuously how to help him.... and he only thinks not about himself,how to put back the pieces of his life,but how to have fun like every other day. Can anyone in here tell me what can I do??? my mind is telling me to give up and start thinking about what I can do for myself,but this stupid heart says"please wait....DONT GIVE UP!!!"
  12. Hi Mrsp, Any sugestion is more than welcomed...I really need all the support so I can do my best...if there is anything else I can do. I jst had a chat with him on YM( last time we did this was years ago, it ffelt nice doing it again,especially coz we used to chat non stop before we moved togethere...it was like going back in the relaxed past) he said he will think about everything I wrote in the e-mail,but he wanted to go out to eat,alone,coz he just took his pills(cipralex).I will try not to think that he is lying again,just to escape from reality. The repeating thing was not this bad from the start...he used to only ask me one more time when it all started. but in time it got worse. He lives in our house now,i live at my brothers... didn't tell my parents yet. They are old and wont understand what I am dealing with and instead of supporting me they might confuse me more. So I keep it only with few other persons who are really supportive these days. About his friends...I don't know what to say... He evoyded everyone who knew him from before...maybe so they don't see the change... he has completely new (one month,or less)friends... His family knows about his condition from me(not all of them),but the ones I spoke with only told me that he is like this coz he doesn't pray anymore,and he is not a good muslim... they don't understand and besides that...they are all in UK. But my husband didn't tell anyone coz he knows them better and he knew they wont understand what he is dealing with...coz YES he realize that he is ill...he always did... He only went to psychiatrist and he told him to take pills,but also suggested to do therapy,with my husband evoyds by saing he is too busy. My answer is also long...but as I don't speak English perfectly its harder for me to compress everything I want to say in small sentences. Thank u!
  13. Yasminhuskie. thank you for following my posts!!! Bless u! I just sent him a long e-mail with things he needs to think about. Can u tell me which do u think it might be his reaction when he will read it. Firstly I told him that I sugest him to stay inside the house today,to close the courtains,close his eyes and think about everything,coz going continuously outside will only give him the feelling of escaping problems,but at the end of the day he will come back and face the problem again.I told him that I know he might feel anxiety for staying one full day inside the house,but its only a day wich might change the way he is dealing with these things. I even took a printscreen of Legend's profile and sent it to him and told him that on this web page he will find people with same problems as his,but they are loking for real help and many of them get to the point where they can even start helping others. After that I told him where I stand from now on. I told him that what he did until now and me accepting it,was not help from my side. It only made things worse. I gave him a list to chose what he wants for his life: 1 to be a doctor or to make some businesses as he did till now wich only got him into more stress 2 to be a family guy who comes home to find his peace after a day of work or to keep going out in clubs and coffee places for ever 3 to be the admired guy he used to be or to lose all his friends coz of his alcohol problem 4 to start fighting for his health or to keep it going like this till nothing good will remain from what he was 5 to be a good muslim or to be the negative example for good muslims I told him that I will only stick to him only if I see him fighting from now on,coz until now he only kept me next to him with promises and I am not available to continue this situation. I told him that I still love the image of him, his voice and the memory of who he used to be,but the man he is now is a completely stranger.I told him that this break we took wont take us nowhere if it continues too long coz it is like his medical field: the faster u put back the bones togethere,the faster it heals and if u leave this fracture longer without fixing it may never be fixed again. I told him that even if he feel now to just go oyt with the guys,it will come a day when he will want to have a normal family life again and it might be to late and he will not find me where he left me. That maybe he feels that he needs a new woman next to him who might give him new thing,and that this really might happen,but it wont be new forever,unless he wants to skip from one woman to another. He knows me,what he once felt for me(that there is no other person on this earth that can see him the way he really is without him feelling ashamed for nothing and that he looks up to me even if I am a housewife,the perfect one),and if one of these days a new girl will make him feel new things it might only be a short moment of pleasure,in general(I am not talking about sexual things) and after that he will discover that one is not as compatible with him as I was. I don't remember exactly what other things I wrote to him,but I know it was a very long e-mail. So,what do u think he will feel? what would u feel if u were in his shoes? did I do a bad thing? 4
  14. He is muslim and i am christian,but we never had religion issues and we even did the islamic marriage. I dont know what name i can give to his ocd,he doesnt even know it. I can tell u things he does: askinh me to repeat words and srntences a certain number of times, he asks me about everything i tell him"how do u know?",rolls his eyes back when hes trying to block intrusive thoughts,he started to lie for fun lately, he suddenly wants to do thing he never used to do before: chatting to other girls,giving them attention,he likes to go out in fancy places when he is not with me and he takes me to our regular places when we go out togethere. He even told me that he wants to do everything without me asking him "where are you,where have u been,who are you with" . When we fight he calls other women even if he is sexually inactive coz of the medication. He has this urge to do everything that is opposite to what i would like him to do and he used to do. We got married two months ago after almost 8 years of relationship and 7 years of living in the same house. We dont have kids... right now we have a big NOTHING...
  15. I dont know what is real anymore in our relationship. We lost trust,communication,passion,the plasure of being a familly. I am overwhelmed and right know i clearly see that i lost all my power and there is nothing else i can do anymore,just to.give him his time and wait for a decision. Everything depends on him from now on. When sooo many bad things happen i realise that no matter how much i love him i will have to let him go even if it breaks my heart into pieces. Only he can save our marriage... maybe i feel like this coz i coulndt eat nothing in the last 4 days,and i couldnt sleep and i am mentaly and physicaly tired...
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