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FoosBoo88

Bulletin Board User
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About FoosBoo88

  • Birthday 09/09/1988

Previous Fields

  • OCD Status
    Sufferer
  • Type of OCD
    Harm OCD/Relationship OCD

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Bristol, UK

Recent Profile Visitors

792 profile views
  1. Hi maana, I think I understand what you mean. Brain fog is common with anxiety and the more you worry about it, sadly, the worse it will get. My advice you you is just to rest after, drink some water and have something small to eat to get your blood sugars back up. Also try the '5 senses' exercise (5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, two thing you can smell, one thing you can taste). It might help to calm you anxiety a little and bring you back to the present moment. Hope that helps. FoosBoo88 xx
  2. Bodger, thankyou for your reply. Of course I remember you your advice was really helppful, hard, but helpful. It's going to take some (see: a lot) of practice but I am going to try and implement mindfulness. I'm aware I ruminate and try and pull things a part a lot, so that might really help me. To answer your question, no, I have never attempted suicide. I've had suicidal obsessions before, but I'm bleedin' terrified of them. Yes, I started to fall into the trap of "well maybe this is what I want to do" as OCD has us believe, but that was I think I wasn't sure how else to confront the obsession, other than in vivo ERP, like I had to do with my thoughts of stabbing my husband back along (which are still there sometimes, but I can give them the "uh huh" treatment they so richly deserve :D) Polarbear, thanks for that. I can see all of the areas I was going wrong now. Obviously the avoidance is the compulsion but I was in a place of not being sure what the hell was going on, or what to do about it. I seem to have these thoughts around wintertime. I think it's SAD setting off my OCD, but my doctor won't consider it as I was only last this was in January this year. I have got a SAD lamp now and I've been taking Vitamin B Complex with inositol, Vitamin C with zinc, Vitamin D, magnesium and omega 3. I was taking 5HTP but it started making me feel angry so I've stopped that one. It's interesting that you mentioned the approach being CBT rather than ERP, my first session with a therapist, she threw me in at the deepend with exposures to my 3 fears. Needless to say it backfired, but it is hte only company in Bristol that provide OCD therapy on the NHS. I have got a lot of CBT handouts from therapy, but they were sort of something she left me to do in my own time and without guidance. I will pull them out again and run through them again. I'm not seeing a therapist currently, no. I have done in the past, but as I say, that went awfully awry (she wanted to meet my mother because she thought she was behind much of my anxiety for some reason and I knew that wouldn't end well) so I'm sort of on my own devvices, hence my "help! I'm totally confused!" post here FoosBoo88 xx
  3. Yep! Been doing it for years and my hair really suffers for it. My Mum is a skin-picker, too, but more on her arms and legs. FoosBoo88 x
  4. Hi all, It's been a while but unfortunately my OCD is back with avengeance. I spend a LOT of time home alone, and I mean a lot. My hubby works 8 hours a day with a 90 min commute there and back, so we're talking about 11 hours 5 times a week. Normally it's no big deal and I just get on with things around the home, however, the other day I had the sudden thought "what if I hang myself from the shower pole with the dog's lead?". It then progressed into hanging myself off of a tree everytime I take the dog for a walk, and slashing my wrists with a razor that I spotted on the side. OCD can be fun like this, can't it?. My question is, what do you do about thoughts like these? As I say, I've been treating them as potentially real suicidal ideation, but I do have 'Pure O', typically with harm manifestations. My thoughts have been towards others and they have been towards myself, for example, on honeymoon I had the thought of jumping out in front of a train. Now, I know the usual approach to any OCD thought is ERP, but my question is how? Like I said to my husband, with suicidal thoughts it's not exactly something you can take a chance with, is it? I can't exactly hang myself off of a tree to "see" if I want to go ahead with it, so this is why I'm here, has anyone had thoughts like these? And how do you approach it? Obviously I know that something has to be done in the way pf ERP. I've tried making myself think of the thought on purpose, as if I really did want to go through with committing suicide, and that always makes me anxious which I guess is good. However, I've also done things like make myself look at the showerpole, walk past trees which I have thought about stringing myself up on or pick up and look at a razor and hold it close to my wrist. I'm just not sure what to do, or how to do it "right". Any thoughts? I have also started taking 5HTP and Vitamin B Complex which has helped tremendously with the crippling anxiety, I just don't know what to do about these blasted exposures! Lol Also, should I remove everything dangerous, including both of the dog's leads for now, to prevent an ERP gone wrong? Thanks all Foosboo88
  5. I go down Cornwall, namely Newquay. it was pretty good the first time we went but we only had a few mackerel in October. Porthleven was good fishing, very pretty village, too FoosBoo x
  6. That figures Taurean Interesting on the music, I use tantra (yoga, not the other kind!) music sometimes and I find that helps a little FoosBoo x
  7. Taurean, Personally, I'd disagree on the candles front. I use candles a lot, particularly for relaxation, and I've never had any issues. I usually use tealights in votive holders or jar candles, so maybe that helps to stave off risks slightly, I'm not too sure. Leaving a candle unattended, however, is an entirely different story, and not something I would do FoosBoo x
  8. Hi all, I disappeared off the radar for about a week due to network problems but I'm back. My obsessions have improved a little bit, but there is still a bit there, so just to fill you in. The hanging obsession has passed up nicely, but I'm still obsessed with the idea of slicing my arms. Iv'e also had a few intrusive thoughts about overdosing on supplements, but in all honestly, I'm not sure an overdose of vitamins would do that much damage, so it kind of seems pointless to me. As for my the slicing my wrists up obsession, let me be honest with you guys about that one because I have been a bad, bad girl (I'm sorry, really!). I have been ruminating, I have been Googling, I have been avoiding (mostly, save for a few exposures). I've been having thoughts like "maybe I just want to do it" or "maybe just one little cut will relieve the pressure" but I know as well as the next man that this is just the mind games OCD likes to play. I have been Googling because I am aware of the comorbidity between OCD and depression and I'm treating this as six of one and half a dozen of the other. I did jump in the tub the other day and decided to shave my arm and just let the thoughts be, kind of an exposure, I know, but I could at least label the bully. Feelings of anger, frustration and loneliness are the cause of the strongest urges, the urges to do it just for the relief component. I'm on my own 9-10 hours a day (hubby works, I don't) so I get a lot of time to obsess. I work with HALT a lot, and recognise that for me, Loneliness is the predominant trigger. Unfortunately, my support network (the physical one, I mean) is anything but great. I've tried to reach out on Facebook, on friendship apps, but alas, nothing. The two people I can go to who don't work are my father and my father-in-law. I love them both dearly, but one has his own needs and is awaiting gallbladder surgery and the other has major depression and onset dementia and, last time I saw him, told me where he used to go when he felt suicidal which my OCD then latched onto. I can always go to them if I need support, but I really need friends as well as family. The only friends I currently have are friends of my husband and as such I can't discuss stresses with them because they are almost guaranteed to favour him unless he did something truly awful, I also don't see them very much at all now we've given up clubbing. I'm at that age where I'm too old for clubbing, I own a home, a dog and I'm married. I'm not looking at cute guys anymore or seeing who can down the most shots, I want coffee and a laugh about adult life, not a hangover. The problem with that is that many of my peers don't feel the same And then there is the other issue with me having friends. The other issue is that I'm a tomboy. I enjoy camping and fishing and dog walking and getting muddy. I used to do assault courses and I have a laugh with the boys. I've never cheated, but I am very much 'one of the lads' (for the most part, minus the belching!). For me, that's who I am. I was brought up that way. Even my own mother is an enthusiastic sea angler. Anyway, my issue is that girls typically think I'm gross and the boys typically think I'm cool, then you have my husband. My husband is, he likes to call it, "protective". I call it being territorial, he calls it being protective. It doesn't matter where I meet my friend, if my new friend has XY chromosomes, my husband is coming with the first times we hang out. He says it's to protect me, but two of his exes left him for other men so I feel that it's to "mark his territory". Without sounding big-headed here, I do know that some guys do end up desiring me, I get myself into those situations, I'm thoughtful and down for a laugh and I know some guys wind up wanting that. I don't mean to cause any awkwardness, I'm just terribly awful at picking up when "let's be friends" has turned into "I'd love to take our friendship to the next level". Even my husband can attest to that - he had to ask me to be his girlfriend because "So..?" wasn't enough, but I digress My point is that, even if he means well (and lets say he does), I think him turning up to get togethers with new friends, if said new friend is male, has the potential to at least make things very awkward, if not scare said new friend away. Meeting new people is scary enough without having the other half staring into your soul. Furthermore, him acting like this actually pushes me away because I feel like he doesn't trust my own judgement. I'm 28, damn it, I don't need someone to hold my hand anymore. So anyway, with this addressed that I spend a lot of time alone, I noticed an activity group in Bristol for people of all ages with mental health issues and I decided "what the hell? Let's give this a go," Recently, I have written my own 7-page account of living with anxiety, hypochondria and OCD which you can read here so I'm pretty wrapped up in advocating for more support for people with MH issues. By no means do I claim to be an expert, but I think in at least sharing our story we can make other people feel not so alone. I enquired about the group and expected to hear nothing back for several weeks. Ta-da! I got an email back within the hour. I was invited to attend a meeting at 11am this morning which I have not long got back from, and this is how it went. The meeting itself was not with the group, it was 1:1 with an adviser. She talked me through several of the things that the group does, including talking about mental health, baking classes, tai chi, yoga and more. She also suggested classes in writing which is a new-found interest of mine. Finally, she suggested an 8-week course in Mindfulness which I have been invited to attend. Now, as MIndfulness was something my therapist skipped over in it's entirety, I was very keen to attend this as I hope that it will help me to manage better with my intrusive thoughts. It is heavily subsidised with a minor £10 fee, so I will be booking my slot in due course so that I can attend. At this point in time, I don't really feel that I can do an awful lot more. I am trying to implement other things, like time management, making time for myself, accepting my thoughts and so on. I am also trying to avoid sugar highs and lows, alcohol and caffeine. Not exactly fun over the Christmas period, but worth it. I used the "15-minute method" last night which I found on Google. For it, you stay with the intrusive thought for 15 minutes before you allow yourself the compulsion, if you still feel you need to. The compulsion I am using at the moment, with my new self-harm obsession, is avoidance, rather, hiding my razors up high. I know compulsions are far from ideal, but with my history of checking (and the risk there-in for actual SH) I don't really feel that taking my chances with it is the best approach to use and instead I need to focus on the things that got me to where I am, like Google, using my time poorly, too much time alone and so on. I am aware and do also think that this yucky winter weather is making everything far worse than it needs to be, anyway. This miserable, grey weather is making me depressed, and with the SH thoughts I've been having, it makes it all feel increasingly real and risky. Unfortunately, until I can find things to get me out of the flat or new friends to hang out with, I'm a little bit stuck in a rut and for that reason, I am allowing my compulsive avoidance of sharp things, at least when I am alone, to remain. i've used scissors around my husband and I used the razor in the bath (even if my big intrusive thought was being found in the bath with my wrists sliced open) so I'm not entirely avoidant, just, I'm thinking safety first. I'm also trying to be careful when it comes to triggers, I'm not talking exposures, I'm talking triggers. If I see something sharp or an advert for a razor etc, I just allow the thought to be. What I mean is that I'm being careful to avoid things that spike my adrenaline levels, like video games, or low moods, like sorrowful music. I'm hoping that for now, at least through the Christmas period and until I can find ways to break up the hefty chunks of alone time that I have, this will be enough to see me through. It's not ideal, I know, I think not having anything to do leads to the rumination, and rumination leads to.. well.. you know.. I guess the only other things I have to add, or to ask, is what do you do about the sensations? More specifically, ones that you associate with your intrusive thoughts? The creases of my wrists occasionally feel a little sore, and it sort of feels like that's where I want to cut. I've tried the elastic band technique and I didn't like the pain. I've tried distractions but my mind sort of locks onto these feelings. If I'm honest, I'm not convinced they are entirely OCD but rather either puppy scratches which are making my arms sore and in turn feeding my OCD, or Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, as I spend quite an amount of time writing. Either way, even if the rational part of me knows these more likely outcomes, ruminated and detached me has some very different ideas. The other thing I was wondering, was has anyone tried candle meditation? I've tried all kinds of meditations and progressive muscle relaxation (PMR) but to no avail. When I have a candle lit, though, I am completely mesmerised and if I can work with that, then I may have found a very effective meditation for me. I need to work on a lot of things with it, like when, and having the room tidyish, possibly some music (can we use that, or is that a distraction from our thoughts?). If anyone can help, that would be fab. Cheers all, and sorry that this is so long. FoosBoo x
  9. if you had no issues with it then you'll be fine. I got hot/cold flashes/pins & needles, nightmares, vomiting.. I was a right pickle! FoosBoo x !
  10. Good luck with the meds. Citalopram didn't work for me, but everyone is different. I can't wait for my supplements to arrive. Anything to feel better than I have been! FoosBoo x
  11. Indeed taurean. Just started my Christmas arrangement. Looking good already! FoosBoo x
  12. Thankyou Blaise Castle Estate in Bristol if you fancy a Google! FoosBoo x
  13. Thankyou Cupcake, This is what started it off. I was quoted £650 for silk flowers, I got membership at Country Baskets and did it all myself for £250! This is myself and the handsome devil I'm married to! FoosBoo x
  14. It was a very good exposure to overcome my anthophobia and find something that I am good at. I now even have a silk lily arrangement in my lounge. And to think I used to pass out in front of the flowers in my local ASDA store FoosBoo x
  15. Yep! Got tongues wagging when I used to sit in the garden with my hubby and young male neighbour though! FoosBoo x
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