alinora

Oh no! One thing after another! I totally understand the 'doesn't feel good' feeling - it's the worst

Sending hugs to you. You are not alone in how you are feeling. I do hope you feel better soon.

Hi all, I have a recurring eye condition and I never know when it is going to recur. I have had a flare-up this morning and I am feeling really distressed. The last time it flared up was two weeks ago and I attended eye casualty. I phoned the eye casualty this morning and they said that I could go in and see a doctor today or wait until Monday. It will be a very long wait to see a doctor with either option (last time it was four hours). Usually the doctor tells me to use lubricating eye drops and wait for it to resolve. Some doctors have scared me and said that I must go in each time the condition flares up to get it checked and other doctors have said I only need to go if there is pain and redness (which there isn't), so I feel very anxious about what to do. I have to rely on my family to advise me as I feel that I need to have it checked but can't tell if this is OCD or not. I have decided to wait until Monday and see if I need to go to eye casualty but I am finding the anxiety very hard to deal with. The OCD is screaming at me to go and get it checked. I am thinking about how terrible it could be and that it will be all my fault as I would have made the wrong decision, especially as I have been told to get it checked each time. I keep reminding myself that I have an action plan that I am following. I have also taken 10mg propranolol (sp?) which is newly prescribed and that has brought my heart rate down to near normal but has made me feel very woozy and sick, which is not helping as the GP told me that propranolol would be 'risky' with my low blood pressure and so I'm worrying about that too. I want to keep checking my eye in the mirror to see if it is still there or if it has got worse. This is pointless as it can take between three days and a week to resolve. I just can't stand it being there and I want it gone. I hate all of this and the stress I'm sure is making it worse and more frequent. I am having intrusive thoughts about self-harm and suicide and am really struggling. I don't want to phone a helpline as I know I'll start crying and that makes my eyes feel worse. Even though I have had OCD for many years, I didn't really realise that was what I was dealing with and how to handle it so I am new to it. I have the Break Free from OCD book but have not had CBT but have had CBT for generalised anxiety. Any advice would help, thanks.

I'd like this too, please

Hi, I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. I am new here and have not yet had any treatment for OCD so I cannot offer you anything other than to let you know that I hear you and empathise with all that you are saying. You mentioned that the ROCD is back again, which makes me think that you have overcome it before, so it sounds hopeful that you will again. I have found it hard to do leaves on a stream as I am not a great visualiser, but self-hypnosis I found on YouTube has offered me some relief (I have been doing it daily for four days now - Emma Kenny - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__4e9NaISW8) You sound very stressed, are you able to incorporate any self-care into your day at the moment? Making time for myself each day, if only 30 mins to an hour, has helped me too. Sending you all the best.

Thank you so much for your reply. It is a rented flat. I have asked my husband to cover it over and then I will do as you suggest and forget about it. I love the idea of switching my attention to something that I enjoy doing :-). You are right also about the past. I have real difficulties letting things go, but I will again switch my attention away to something I enjoy. Magical thinking is something I do a lot. In particular, thinking that I have some sort of way of 'knowing' things that others do not, which sounds ridculous but feels so real.

Thank you Hazel. It is so relieving just to find somewhere I can share my feelings.

Hi all. I am new to the forum and am having a difficult time with my OCD following 20 weeks intensive CBT for generalised anxiety, which I believe has fed my OCD due to its focus on analysing my negative thoughts. I am waiting now for CBT for OCD and am using the Veale book Overcoming OCD in the meantime. I've also ordered the Break Free from OCD book. I am not sure how to phrase my question to you all...something like - how can I tell if the thoughts I am having are intrusive or if they are genuine safety concerns? I have a lot of thoughts around asbestos and other contaminants and I can't tell if they are genuine or OCD. I'm so afraid that in disregarding what appear to be OCD thoughts, I will inadvertently miss something important and make myself and my family ill. We have recently moved to a new flat where the toilet soil pipe is asbestos and it is frightening me. Our previous house had what the asbestos assessor called really dangerous asbestos and I was too afraid to even deal with the problem and now I am afraid that I have made myself and my family ill by my inaction (I can forgive myself for not knowing before it was identified, but not for knowing that it was there and doing nothing (for seven years)). Even typing this out is very difficult for me and the OCD is telling me to delete this message or all my fears will come true. I have a lot of obessive thoughts around health but am so worried that if I don't listen to them I will miss something really important and will always regret that. Apologies if I have upset anyone with this post or if I have done it wrong in some way, I am just starting out. Thanks in advance, Jo

Dear Em, I hope that you are feeling more positive today. I am sure the doc mentioned that it will take around month to work and the waiting is really hard. Stick with it and you will feel better. It is also recommended that you get some talking therapy, like CBT, and your GP should be able to refer you. Here in Berkshire, you can also self-refer and I found the Wellbeing course really useful. You will probably have a local Talking Therapies service in your county so might want to google them? Keep your chin up. Asking for help is the first, and hardest, step.

Dear Em - Try not to be scared, you are going to see the doctor to get help. I feel like I am making it all up too, but I tell myself to just stick to the facts and I tell the doc exactly how I am feeling. Good luck this morning. x

Thank you so much for your replies. I am hoping that CBT will help me to overcome this problem.

Hi Miranda. I am up and down but the message of acceptance is one I can truly feel. I've thought about having the word tattooed on my wrist as a constant reminder! :-)

Dear lisyah92. It sounds as though things are really difficult for you at the moment. I can totally sympathise with having to ask somebody something and having to know the answer. It sounds as though your boyfriend really cares for you and that he understands how things are for you. Just think - you can't be a horrible person or you wouldn't have someone who cares so deeply for you :-) Try to relax and trust your boyfriend and his feelings for you - you will get through this tough time, one day at a time. Big love and hugs x

Dear All. I am embarrassed as I type this but am hoping that I can find some support. I cannot have sex with my husband due to terrible fears about germs. It has been a problem for the whole of our relationship and my husband has been very patient. I could manage if I self-medicated with drink or drugs but cannot do that now as it makes my symptoms far worse. My relationship is starting to fall apart and although I am about to see a psychotherapist for help with this, I feel dreadful (and sooo embarrassed). Just typing this message makes me realise how ridiculous this problem is but I know that when the opportunity presents itself, I will be beside myself with fear. Please help!

Thank you so much for this positive message. Glad you are doing well!

Thank you so much to everyone who has commented. I am so grateful to you all as I know that it is not just me! Starlight505, please could you explain what psychosis is?

Hi All. Just seen the psychiatrist who has recommended anti-depressants for OCD and quetipine for the mania that the anti-depressant brings. Is anyone else taking this combination? My OCD makes me very suspicious of medication!