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lonely mum

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Everything posted by lonely mum

  1. Does anyone ever recover? also I’ve had another look at it and I’ve been brave. I think maybe it was just bad workmanship on this particular one because it seems that mostly the marks is where the papers have been stuck together and it has also spread but it seems to mostly be there. I’ve also had another look at the clippings and I don’t think the packet was opened so I’m going to try to put my mind to rest and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I’ve also thrown it out and I’m afraid I am cleaning which I’m ashamed to say is what allows me to feel some peace. I guess I’ve covered it up and with the other two decorations that have gone up I know it will be on my mind tomorrow.
  2. Yes most marks are semen or someone’s had a hump on whatever item is mine! Oh man....writing it makes me sound crazy! But I’ve had this fear instilled in me since last 7yrs. Prior to this the ocd flavours were other things. This one is much difficult and seems so much real like if I use the lantern then somehow I’m a bad parent for exposing my children to this
  3. My fear is sperm. I’ve used the other 2 as it’s for my child otherwise there wouldn’t be anything to put up but I’m gonna look at the other one again. I’ve looked on the website and the pictures there don’t have any marks on the lanterns so not sure why this one does!
  4. No nothing broken and glue isn’t there for anything to attach etc. I’m going crazy! The NHS therapist is currently wanting to talk about the trauma I suffered 23yrs ago and believes it’s all stems from this! Doesn’t help how I currently feel though!
  5. Hiya. They were all sealed individually in plastic bags with staples on but 2 were fine - no marks or stains on them and 1 had lots of glue on it. I’m saying glue but my mind is saying something else!
  6. Hi guys. Hope everyone is doing ok during the pandemic. My ocd isn’t any better. I’ve recently started talking to a therapist after my referral finally went through. (Long NHS lists). im not sure if my issues are real though sometimes and I’m going crazy! I put up some party decorations and ordered 3 paper lanterns, 2 were ‘fine’ but 1 had stains on it. It was in a packet and I would have thought it was new and sealed but it wasn’t until I started to unpack it that I noticed this one had loads of glue marks on it but the other 2 didn’t have any. Now my mind is racing thinking it’s sperm (my fear) and I’m not sure if I’m about to contaminate everyone. Thank you
  7. ...and everyone going out and about, I can feel the anxiety rising due to possible contamination and it being there highly likely in places where everyone goes. My parents have gone to do shopping where that area/car park is used for (group) outdoor sexual activities. They dont know it. I guess most people using those stores don’t know it but I do and I need to see my parents later on tonight and I feel like hiding, but if I don’t go to my parents house, they will most likely end up at mine to see my kids!
  8. I had to go supermarket with my husband and along the side of the store outside looked like urine stains, possibly from dogs going against the wall and the stains were coming down onto the wide pavement. I’m ok with this being urine but then amongst this was a white streak - it wasn’t transparent like the rest of the streaks but more visible and white. My husband walked right across to this when he stepped up onto the pavement from the road. I keep thinking it was sperm and it’s touched his clothing when he stepped up the pavement. The supermarket is on other side of a retail park and I keep thinking someone may have done something here. Can’t switch off the trails of contamination.
  9. I don’t talk about my ocd with him. He had unpacked the shopping so my telling him was genuinely questioning how he didn’t see an open jar. I also genuinely didn’t know if my reaction was how a normal person would react. My ‘talking’ of the jar was after I’d ‘cleaned’.
  10. So this is an updat on what happen to me earlier today. Basically I was telling the hubby how he did t notice an open jar and he replied “oh I opened it because the jar was leaking it’s oil”. I asked him why he didn’t tell em and basically he said it was greasy on the outside because it had leaked (peanut butter and it contains a lot of oil on the top) and he just twisted the top open to see it inside. He saw it was fine inside and left it on the worktop. I guess my OCD went into overdrive thinking this jar had been tempered with when all the while the hubby had opened it. I’m ok with the fact that the oils had leaked out because it was sealed correctly and I realised how much my mind plays tricks on me. The agony I went through because of OCD!
  11. You sound like a good man. Be that and don’t let OCD ruin this for you.
  12. This might trigger someone with contamination ocd. i places an online order and husband left some of the things on the worktop. It was a click and collect and he had collected it for me. Today I went to put those things away and one of them being smooth peanut butter jar. I picked it up and instantly my hands were greasy and I realised it was all greasy on the outside. I didn’t notice yesterday may be because the weather was cooler and it had set. I looked at the top and the seal was broken - not even from the opening but but from elsewhere. I threw it in the bin. To clarify to my self that it was not contaminated I want to see it again and to open it so I open the bin and hold the jar to open the lid but it started leaking everywhere before I could even open it and it was yellow all over the papers in the bin. I’m now in panic mode because I’m thinking someone did something to it. I want to die!
  13. I had group therapy which didn’t help. And a focuple of one to one with a therapist but this was 4yrs ago and it didn’t help me. I can’t afford private therapy. The group didn’t really focus on my issues - I was really left to it. I then had children who have extra issues so my issues are at the bottom of the pit. I’ve tried again to speak with doctor who said I’d need to talk about the domestic violence I’d encountered in the past. And I’m waiting!
  14. Thank you for all your comments. I’ve just read them and will be re-reading them tomorrow . Thank you
  15. No ok s in place as such. I try to stay in but with family I have to get out sometimes. It’s triggera my contamination ocd so badly. Went out on Saturday and it’s affecting me still this morning because I feel I didn’t clean something from that day and I just touched it.
  16. I contain myself in my house as much as I can but I have to go out with the family, for their sake. When I do it’s so difficult. It’s so scary for me and I always, always, see something I wish I hadn’t. It triggers a whole load of negativity. Life is becoming more and more difficult.
  17. I hope you feel Better soon and can be around family/friends.
  18. Thanks. I’ll speak to doctor again but it’s not what I was told!
  19. I did try getting professional help (think it was cbt) from the doctor but they did a initial referral to see if it was suitable and have decided that I need to talk about the domestic violence first as the OCD mostly stems from that. However, it’s been months and I’m still on their waiting list.
  20. Thanks for your replies guys. When I had my fear of urine, I stopped caring when I accepted it as ‘normal’ and I know I need to just push myself off the edge with this fear of spermicide and all the disgust I find with it, but for some reason I’m finding it was more difficult in ‘normalising’ it. I know if I just stopped caring, like with urine, it would be more acceptable and the only way urine became normal is when I had to deal with it as a new mum. My fear of sperm though, I feel I need to protect my children from this ‘dirty thing’ and ‘dirty places’. It don’t help that I have to take my son to a load of medical appointments and we have to visit so many car parks - I’m not sure if I’m scared of these appointments more or having to go to a car park and catching this contaminant from possible visitors using the area to carry out sexual acts. It rained today when we were in a car park and after a really long time since my fear or urine, I thought that the sperm has mixed with the rain and gotten into my brand new trainers. Now I’m scared of wearing them again and had to wash my feet when I got home.
  21. It could be random sex or someone’s used and returned said garment. I really wish I didn’t know about public places of groups engaging in certain activities. I feel trapped and unable to go places because of this. I’m struggling to explain. My city was flagged as having a high rTing for these activities!
  22. I have a young family to look after. I can’t cope with dealing with this anxiety and taking care of them. My son has extra issues and I don’t know how I can cope any other way right now! I also feel like I’d be exposing them to this.
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