lonely mum

Actually I need to return the said underwear to the store and I’m already dreading it. I’d placed it back in its packaging and into a plastic bag which touched my coat. I’m currently thinking of how will I hold the bag as I don’t want to hold it from the top as it would have touched the underwear pack and also the bag touched my coat. Now I’m thinking if I can wear the coat or should I just wear another coat? Because if I try to wear the coat I know I will be distressed later and there will follow a load of compulsions and some which I can’t follow through as my husband will be there and he won’t allow me to do them. Dilemma!

Thanks for your informative post. I think I need to think ‘so what?’ and move on but this is the big hurdle for me that I can’t get past. I’m finding it too gross to just leave it and move on.

Lol ‘masturbating all over the world’ - that made me laugh. I think the reason not to want to go out is the ‘dogging’ act - where random people meet up in public places and carry out sexual activities, in public places. Parks, car park, leasuire centres. I don’t know why but this scares me, a lot. Then the obvious thoughts of public toilets may have been used, people don’t wash their hands and go around touching everything and marks/stains are traces of it.

There definitely was something.

No I don’t always realise that it’s ocd. Not when I can ‘see’ it.

I’d joined a Facebook anxiety/panic group to talk about my ocd. It was a closed group and no one else could see what I was posting BUT the group I found couldn’t understand my OCD issues and thought I was creating lies and making things up! Didn’t help that my ocd is embarrassing enough without being judged like that. I also ended up with a nasty stalker who assumed I’m a gullible person because of my fears of certain things, I guess trying to take advantage of someone who he thought is vulnerable. I alerted him to the group admin and explained why I didn’t feel the group was for me. I much prefer this forum and the outstanding support and people. However I do have other groups I follow which are related to the health issues of my family and these have been invaluable.

So I went out today as needed to buy basic essentials. This is embarrassing but I got a couple packs of underwear from the store and when I came home I was putting them in the washing machine An checking inside for any stains. One packet was fine but the other pack had a underwear with a stain on it, in the obvious area. So it did look like a oil stain but not sure of colour as the material was a burgundy colour. I checked the rest of them thinking it was my imagination but when I looked again it was still there so what am I meant to make of that? I didn’t throw them out as I normally would but will return to the store so I washed my hands in the kitchen sink (don’t have a utility room) and cleaned the sink, but now I remembered that I didn’t move the flipping dish cloth. So any splashes would still be on this cloth which overhangs into the sink, which everyone is going to end up using and have done already! How do I deal with this situation? What am I meant to think or how should I react? If I can see things which are there, how do I just ignore it?

I have children and you’ve gone above and beyond what I would do. I also have contaminantion ocd (not related to vomit though) so I have certain levels of how I would clean, just so you know that you really have gone above and beyond with the cleaning.

I’m scared of that possibility of if it is

Thanks, the trying is difficult right. I wish there was like a flashing remote that I could take with me and if the issue is just ocd and not real it would flash green or red if it’s real danger. I just don’t know and can’t tell in real life!

I’d suggest speaking with citizens advice and a family lawyer. Not sure if legal aid is offered in this area anymore but phone contact should get the ball rolling. Hopefully there will be something set in stone legally to allow you contact/access with your child. On another note, I feel bad for the child being used as an object by the mother to manipulate and I hope she can see the bigger picture. A child, is a human in their own right, not owned by you or her as some property. Good luck

My last post I meant I have started to avoid going out as I’m scared of coming across things. I also hate people brushing past me, lifts are the worse! I guess I shouldn’t be trying to avoid this but it’s easier said than done.

When I came across the digging stuff from the tv show which documented this, I was so repulsed, shocked and upset. I imagine it to be the same as a murder scene. Something very negative. I’ve started going out for fear of coming across or being in a place where this act may possibly be performed.

Ok but for me it’s not even about the fact that it’s dead spermicide. It’s more the fact that i just seem to find it ‘dirty’ and gross. I find it scary and all experiences that come with it are negative. I’ve got children and a husband and I don’t have fears with him. It’s just others. I don’t know...I’m sure it’s somehow linked to my past abuse. However, knowing it can give children etc, it don’t help me. For me it’s just a big fear factor of it being bad and disgusting.

Thank you I’ll try this but gave a feeling that the challenging side will be tricky.

Thank you. So you mean write down why I think it’s true then why it can’t be true? Have I read that correctly

Thank you. So you mean write down why I think it’s true then why it can’t be true? Have I read that correctly?

So some new shoes were ordered and I ordered a few. Whilst repacking to return the unwanted shoes I noticed a ‘wet’ mark on the paper that they were wrapped in, which were inside the shoe box. Do I let it go or think it’s sonething dodgy? I’m trying to tell myself it may be some sort of a oil/grease mark rather than sperm. Am I correct to let it go and expose people in my house to this without a massive clean up? HELP!

Awwww I hope you get can deal with this as you know in your head that is not how pregnancy occurs so I guess you’re going in the right direction. You know, many times pregnancy doesn’t occur even when we try for conception. Good luck x

I have the overwhelming fear of guilt if I feel that my children may have been exposed to it. So if we went to the park and I saw some marks which looked suspicious I would try to ‘protect’ my children from it. But as you can imagine this is a very difficult task and makes the situation a negative for all. I don’t know who to ask for help now as I’ve been told I need to talk about the abusive past relationship first and deal with that as ‘they’ think that this has triggered my fears...quite possibly so. i think I wouldn’t feel so bad about my own fluids, because it’s ‘safer’ and more clean (whatever that means!) but my worry is semen from other people and kind of corrupting us, polluting us.

Thank you for replying. I had a therapist briefly but he wasn’t helping and at the time my issue was only urine contamination. He then got me some group sessions which was more horrendous. I had children and slowly that made my urine contamination decrease and more or less end but it’s been taken over with ‘sperm’ and it’s more overpowering than any of the other contamination issues and fears I’ve had. To me it’s absolutely everywhere, every little stain, mark. My fear is coming across other people’s sperm and it’s a uncomfortable, dirty, revolting feeling. It’s scary!

Feels like it’s just me! It’s so embarrassing, people don’t understand and I’m really struggling. If you do suffer the same, how do you cope? And if you’ve recovered...how? I’m feeling more and more trapped!

Thank you, I hope so! I’m going to be reading this thread properly when I can concentrate.

Following

I don’t think that for me the ocd escalated or changed in pregnancy. However, having children has broken down some of my ocd issues but then there’s times I’ve struggled because I’ve tried to ‘balance’ the compulsions with having to look after children. I’m not on any medication for it though so I would advise you to speak with your doctor about this.