stoneroses_fan

yes I understand it's normal to go...but considering I'm also having to deal with the PTSD and cptsd from an abusive relationship, added stress of healing the trauma ontop of my OCD issues, it's not as easy for me as it is for others. It isn't just the possibility bird poop which is the issue, it's also the fact the venue for both gigs is in London, which is where I was physically and mentally abused for years. The last time I went to London, I found it more difficult than I'd anticipated. I'm not trying to avoid going to outdoor gigs, it's just I have extra stress from other stuff in my life which is contributing to my anxiety. So I'm not sure I should risk my mental health when I have to stay sound for my interview. It's bad timing and the last thing I wanna do is miss the gigs ? I guess I'll see on the day if I'm up to it.

Hiya, I posted on here before about some upcoming concerts I'm due to go to. I mentioned how they're in outdoor stadiums and it's been triggering me since I worry about the possibility of bird poop or just dirty marks on the outdoor seating. It's been bothering me alot. I've worked hard on my OCD recovery. I am at least 80% fully functioning now, compared to what I once was...where I used to be housebound (during my abusive relationship which I'm now out of!). I'm proud of how far I've come. I never used to be able to gk to concerts at all, either because my OCD was so bad, or due to my abusive partner keeping me trapped in our home/s. The past few years, I've pushed myself to go to some indoor concerts and I've had the best time! However, these upcoming ones are outdoors and I'm finding it tough to deal with. I know I was advised to just go anyway...but I find that a naive answer to be honest. I can't just go because I want to, as we all know OCD can bite you on the ****, and if you expose yourself to a feat before you're ready, it could backfire and make your OCD worse again. I've been doing my own successful exposure therapy the past two years, and I know what works for me and what doesn't. I have an upcoming police interview regarding the business of my abusive ex partner. I need to keep my head straight for that. I can't afford to go to two outdoors gigs, which are making me highly anxious in the lead up, and then them possibility trigger the hell out of my OCD once I attend them. It could make me a mess mentally, which will then effect my general state of mind to deal with my case regarding my ex. I've got another outdoor concert after the police interview, which I feel more relaxed going to, as it's after the important police business so I'm not as anxious. What do you think I should do? I don't wanna miss these two upcoming gigs, but I also have to take my OCD recovery into account which I've worked so hard on.

Hi everyone, Lots going on in my life at the moment, but I have some upcoming concerts I hope to go to. Music is my life, and has been helping my overall mental health to fight against my OCD and trauma from abuse. I couldn't go out for many years for several reasons. I've worked hard on my recovery, and have been able to finally go to several concerts, which were indoor venues. However....the next few are all outdoors at huge stadiums. I'm already finding it tough having to return to a city where I was physically and mentally abused for years, but now I'm panicking that there could be bird poop on the seats somewhere! What would you do if that was the case? Obviously noone would want to sit on it! Bird poop carries diseases as well as it being plain gross. Would you complain and try to stand elsewhere. I don't want to miss these gigs, but I also can't risk jeopardising how far I've come with my OCD recovery, by pushing myself too much. I know when I'm able to face something yet or not. Advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Hey everyone, I really need some advice. I'm currently panicking like mad. I mentioned a week or so ago, how my ocd has improved a lot by me using my willpower to do regular exposure therapy etc. I said how I've met a guy, and sex related stuff was going on in his car with him putting his bare butt on the car seat, which triggered my ocd MASSIVELY due to my contamination fears (specifically faeces). I've been doing my best to deal with that. I've since been in his car on the front seat (which is good in my opinion), but I haven't sat in the back seats yet where the 'contamination' is...I'm not ready for that level of exposure yet. Now things have got much worse. He was going to pick me up just now, but had to pick up and drop someone he knows home....but they were sick ALL OVER THE BACK SEATS OF THE CAR!!! I'm utterly terrified. Apparently this friend got into his car covered in puke already (from a drunk friend puking up on them!), then they puked up on the back seats. The guy I'm seeing told me he'd just spent ages cleaning the areas, but no amount of cleaning is gonna make it ok in my mind. I've already told him he shouldnt have told me what happened, how my recovery isn't ready for it. When he called me, he said something had happened, but I'm worried it will effect your ocd if I tell you. So he KNOW it could have a detrimental effect, and obviously him saying that made my mind think all sorts. So even if he didn't exactly tell me what happened, by him mentioning it, I knew it's something my ocd wouldn't like. He should never have given any indication it happened, especially since he knew the effect it could have on me. I'm not happy with him at all. I've already told him I mIght not be able to see him again, because this is a massive exposure. I'm left really upset, because him choosing to divulge that information, has put me in a position where I'm forced to make a choice....don't risk my recovery and stretch it too far and never see him or go in his car again, or see him and expose myself to something which could be too much to handle and DESTROY my recovery I've been working so hard on. I'm so annoyed. This friend should never have got in his car in the first place, when they knew they already had someone else's sick on them! It's totally disrespectful to the owner of the car. I don't know what to do now. Right now, I feel like I'm not going to be able to see him ever again, because I can't risk jeopardising my recovery by pushing myself too far. What do you think? Please help!!

I understand what you're saying. I know his behaviour is 'normal'. I guess I just can't fathom how people are ok with putting their bare butt's on a car seat. On a bed, you can change/wash the sheets after...but you obviously can't do that with a car. Do you have contamination related ocd? Do you have a problem with faeces? I feel like only people with similar ocd fears would understand my viewpoint. I'm doing my best to control my anxiety today, but it's very tough. I feel like if I went to sit in that seat at my point, I'd have butt hole/faeces on me and that seriously triggers me! We all know exposure therapy is successful when gradual. I feel like this particular exposure was too much for me

Yes I realise it's ocd. Yes that's why I reached on to an ocd forum for advice. Reassurance is asking something again and again. I asked once, to get a 'normal' scientific, fact based opinion...so I could use it to help rationalise my thoughts. I have used this technique, my own will power and exposure therapy to 90% cure my ocd. However, faeces is still hard for me to combat. I'm aware this individual is living. If it were that easy to live, no one would have ocd. I believe I dealt with me situation very well. I didn't freak out. I expressed my concerns to him at the time, and he was very understanding, and I DID continue with all the 'sexy stuff'. I ignored my ocd and dealt with the situation. But as I'm sure you're aware, ocd can haunt and torture your mind afterwards and I've been struggling today. Thank you for your reply though.

Hey guys, I desperately need some help/perspective. I've been working really hard on my recovery, doing my own exposure therapy etc and I'm almost 'cured'. I've been living my life more and more, and I've recently met a new man. We were out in his car last night, and we decided to hang out in the back seats, talk etc. I wanted to be more 'intimate' with him, which as I'm sure many of you will know, can be hard when you have contamination ocd!! I said if we were to do anything, could he please keep his feet on the ground (I worry about dirt on the bottom of shoes etc), and to not get fully naked (I've got this fear of faeces, so the idea of a naked butt on the car seat scares the hell out of me). He has been completely understanding. He knows my exposure therapy is gradual and how hard I've worked to get to this point. But things got carried away/he disregarded my condition, and he got undressed anyway. It was so fast I couldn't explain why it's gonna have serious consequences for my ocd recovery etc. He also ended up putting his shoe on the arm rest!!! I don't know if he was lost in the moment (which is natural), but I also think he tries to force my recovery by doing whatever and getting me to accept/deal with it. I tried my best to deal with the situation and we had some 'sexy time' anyway. I was trying to keep it together because I like him and was doing my best to be 'normal'. I'm now PANICKING that there is butthole/faeces shank all over the backseat of his car. Especially as I KNOW he used a public bathroom for a number 2 (sorry for the details) beforehand. It's triggered the hell out of my ocd, to the point I never want to get in his car or see him again. This has really effected me. What would you guys think of this situation. Would you consider the seats dirty? He didn't clean them in any way afterwards. How would you deal with the situation? Would you happily seat on the seat where his sweaty/just gone number 2 butt was? I can deal with other male bodily fluids etc, but the idea of his bare butt on the seat when I have a fear of faeces is horrifying. Please help!! I'd like to see him again but don't know how to cope now!!!

Wow, thanks for the positive feedback everyone. I took the time to tell my story and progress, so others could benefit from it. All I ever see on these forums are people stating they're struggling and suicidal....always negativity (understandably!), so I chose to write something positive. It seems the few who do actually get better, never really tell people they have, which gives the impression there isn't much hope. But there is. I really thought people would appreciate my post, but I was clearly wrong. Good luck with your recoveries

Hi everyone, I just wanted to post on here that you can get better, and I am living proof! I know it's easy to think there will never be a light at the end of the tunnel, but with perseverance, hard work, determination and absolute need to get better...you will. I've had severe ocd for over 15 years, mainly contamination based. The past few years (especially the last two), I have worked tirelessly on exposure therapy and have been curing myself with a structured system I felt comfortable with. I knew not to push myself too far, but to aim for constant goals and surpass them again and again. It's still a work in progress, but I've gone from being housebound (stuck in a living room, starving myself, showering for 15 hours at a time every two days, spending up to 9 hours going to the toilet, not going outside hardly at all, not going anywhere near bins, cats, bugs etc....to now moving to a new city, setting up my place on my own, touching and dealing with bins, showering on average 2-3 hours at the most and now only 1 hour in the bathroom, no longer starving myself, I'm eating healthily, can deal with cats and other animals, get deal with bugs....and now a guy I've met (who worked as a bin man a year or so ago) seems to be interested in me and I'm not terrified of him! He makes me happy and I've worked so hard on my fears, that the fact he was once a bin man isn't that big of a deal to me. I'm shocked at my own progress, and really proud of myself. I really hope things work out with this guy too, because I really like him but it also shows just how far I've come! I also did all this while my ex boyfriend was physically and mentally abusing me over 5 years (he's now out the picture and I'm doing even better). You can do it! Don't be disheartened when it gets tough, push through it as best as you can and know that you WILL come out the other side and get your life back. Sending good vibes and hugs to all.

I'm reaching out on here, in the hope I can get some advice urgently! I have been a member over the years, and have mentioned the physical, verbal, mental, emotional and financial abuse I received from my now ex boyfriend. Basically, I'm in the middle of police investigation against my ex for the abuse I experienced etc. My ocd has been amazingly better since I stood up to him, and ended the relationship. I no longer have him putting pressure on me, forcing me to do things I wasn't ready to do, and obviously no longer have to deal with the physical and mental abuse. I've had hell trying to get him charged for the abuse. I have tons of evidence....but my ex boyfriend is a police officer at the London Met!! The evidence I have on him would prosecute an normal civilian, but I feel the Metropolitan police are covering for him because he's a poluce officer in their force. My lawyer believes it's because my ex was already arrested for the abuse last year, the investigation was dropped due to me not cooperating...so by them investigating him again, they're worried my ex could end up suing them!! During the investigation, my ex has tried to use my ocd to hurt me. By this, I mean he has purposely sent the police to my home (when he knows I'm terrified of the police as I believe them to be contaminated), he's also threatened to destroy my dead dad's stuff I have in storage (more mental abuse effecting my ocd recovery)...but the police haven't been doing anything to stop him. Besides the physical abuse, my ex would use his knowledge of my ocd to hurt me. He would use my fears to control me/scare me into doing what he wanted. He's doing it even now. Now onto the urgency...as mentioned, I'm currently still in the middle of this abuse investigation against my ex. I mentioned to him the other day that I'm going to go public about the abuse. My ex had now contacted the police accusing me of harassing him!! (This is complete rubbish, especially when I have proof he harassed me for months to pay a £600 car damage bill he was legally responsible for, and I had nothing to do with it!) This is another attempt to scare me into backing off and not pursuing the abuse case against him and so I don't go public. I woke up the other day to an email from a detective claiming I've apparently sent my ex an email (which I swear I haven't!), and now they're demanding I attend a police station to be interviewed, or I will be arrested!!! I haven't done anything wrong. My ex abused me for 5 years and the police are covering it up because he's a cop! Now my ex is trying to hurt me again by lying about me apparently harassing him, and using his knowledge of my ocd to hurt me again. By this, I mean he knows I'm terrified of the police and police stations, so he's lied to try and get me in one to distress me and my ocd so much, I'll either kill myself or stop pursuing the abuse case against him. I called the police to tell them I cannot travel to London due to my ocd, and I definitely cannot go into a police station or I will end up suicidal! I have been doing so well with my recovery, but if I do something I'm not ready for, it will send me backwards! The police were very dismissive. I offered a medical letter to prove I have ocd etc...they didn't care. I have been panicking the past few days terrified I'm going to be arrested for something I KNOW I haven't done...and the police are failing to see what my ex is trying to do to me....triggering my ocd, so I end up destroying myself. I explained to them that my ex doesn't need to be physically near me or punch me to hurt me. He just needs to trigger my ocd...which he is constantly doing on purpose to destroy me. How can I make the police understand?! I am going through severe mental abuse from my ex. They don't see what he's doing to me. I've escaped the physical abuse but he's still hurting me from afar by purposely putting me through mental torture! I've managed to stall the police, to the point they're now considering meeting me somewhere else (not a police station), but they're still insistent I attend, even though they have zero evidence against me and this is detrimental to my mental health. My ex is continuing to mentally abuse me using my ocd, and the police are allowing him to do it. I could really do with some advice. This is pushing me to the edge! ! Thank you

Thank you everyone for your responses. Handy, thankyou for understanding I wasn't seeking reassurance. If I wanted reassurance, someone would tell me yes or no, and I would most likely continue with the ocd. However, by asking about the science/explanation of something, I can rationalize things and ignore the ocd using facts/science in certain situations. Im not wanting someone telling me what's right or wrong for reassurance. I wanted facts so I could come to my own logical conclusion and ignore the ocd. Anyway, I ignored my ocd like always and I'm still moving forward with my progress.

Hello, I could really do with some urgent advice. Yesterday I put a lot of moisturiser on my hands and arms as they were getting a little dry. I was then dealing with something gross in the bathroom and got it on my hands, so I went to wash them at the sink. However, because I had moisturised my hands a lot beforehand, my hands were slimy, even after washing them twice. I'm concerned that my hands weren't washed properly, that the dirt didn't wash off my hands due to all the moisturiser slime all over them. Am I right? I'd just like to say I'm not looking for reassurance, I'm wondering if from a scientific point of view the dirt would have washed away or if it would still be amongst the moisturiser slime still stuck on my hands? I would just like an honest answer. I am in the middle of sorting my house so I can pick up my new cat and I want to focus on that, rather than wondering about if my hands are washed properly due to moisturiser and if I should refrain from using moisturiser before cleaning in future. Someone please help! Thank you

Hey everyone, I could really do with some advice. Basically I ordered a new cat litter tray online from Amazon. I made sure I ordered a brand new one (because who on earth would want a used one??), and also so my ocd (which is germ and contamination based) wouldn't have any issues with it. My instinct was it could still be dirty or I may be unhappy with its condition when I open the packaging. Normally I would leave the tap running and only use my hands to open something which may bother me, so I have the option to wash my hands once quickly afterwards incase there is a problem. Well....because I've been trying really hard with my ocd recovery, I decided to ignore my instincts and I opened the Amazon packaging without he tap running. I got the new litter box out, I even put it up against my body as I took the wrapping off it and placed it on my carpet.....THEN I noticed there was scratches inside the tray, and brown smear marks inside he tim of the tray!! Basically it looks like it's been used! I was mortified. I checked the reviews online to see if anyone else had had this problem with this litter box from Amazon and apparently quite a few people have claimed their ones have arrived damaged and dirty. I'm so upset. To make matters worse it was my birthday when it happened, so all the excitement of having a nice birthday for the first time in years was ruined by feeling like I have cat urine and poop on me! I washed my hands afterwards to feel a little cleaner, but the tray still went up against my body and clothing, and also on my carpet. I feel disgusting. I didn't shower or change my clothes, I even opened my birthday presents afterwards but I felt like I was having a heart attack from the anxiety! I just feel so sad that I seem to get the worst luck. The reviews for the product were mostly good, so that's why I ordered it, but it seems I got a dirty item. What would you guys do if you were in my position? I am telling you this litter tray was dirty and the fact that other people who have bought the product claim the same thing, proves I'm not just overreacting because of my ocd. I couldnt visually see any cat urine or poop on me, but I know it was on the tray and it came into contact with me. Should I have opened my presents like I did? Should I have got in the shower and changed my clothes? I feel completely lost right now. Please help! Many thanks!

BristolChris.....I felt compelled to reply to your constant replies! Just because someone is a doctor doesn't mean they deserve respect. It doesn't mean they're right or a good person. Sometimes doctors can get things wrong too. In my opinion, no one knows ocd better than ocd sufferers themselves. We are the most educated about the condition, more so than any doctor. Every doctor/specialist I have come across has been a joke when it comes to understanding my condition and helping me. They are completely clueless! I'm the one who educates them. You are making assumptions that everyone/a lot of people on this forum know nothing about their illness, which couldn't be further from the truth. I find it odd how much you're defending the mental health care when it's known to be atrocious worldwide and people aren't receiving the help they need and deserve. You must know someone who is a psychiatrist/doctor to be so defensive. This isn't helpful to the poster. In response to the original poster, I believe you were 100% right to send a complaint! How on earth are they missing the point when it's so obvious?!! This proves how much so many 'experts' know absolutely nothing about ocd. Their incompetence is insulting to us to be honest. I hope you manage to find someone who is helpful to your recovery. I'm still searching to be honest. I haven't found any decent doctors yet. Like you, I'm fighting this battle on my own as it seems I can only rely on myself. But I'm winning Good luck with your recovery!

A lot of the stuff is in unopened boxes, suitcases etc. but my dads stuff was out, and he touched it all. I also have loads of clothes and items which can only be dry cleaned which he touched and contaminated with filth. I haven't been to the flat since as it terrifies me, so I dont know if there is visible dirt on anything a such. However, I know the grime he touched and the fact that I know he's touched my stuff dear to me, I'm disgusted. I think to myself that clothes can be washed. I wouldn't handle them myself, I'd pay for a cleaning company to collect it and for them to wash them etc. but because of my contamination ocd, my mind thinks they touch the dirty stuff, then clean it using their now dirty hands which are covered in the dirt they're trying to clean off! I also worry that getting clothes dry cleaned won't proowrly clean them etc. basically, in order for someone to clean my things, they have to touch them when they're dirty, so it's poibtless, even when they've been washed, they'll then touch them with their dirty hands again. I can't see a way around it and I'm absolutely distraught over it. Do you think they'll be clean even though as soon as they touch the items they have that filth on their hands?