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  1. Why does the guilt feel so real?
  2. I just wish I could go out have a great night drink and not worry about anything the day after
  3. On a night out with friends there was a guy with lipstick on his lips near to us dancing. I felt I had to check with him and said all casually ‘who’ve you been kissing’ he said there’s a queue of them outside.’ My friend and I were laughing as he then said ‘if I was a bird I’d fancy me’. Now I’m plagued with fear and anxiety telling myself it was me! i had to tell partner the whole detail if the night
  4. You’ll do this! It’ll come good in the end you watch, time helps. I’m glad you’re feeling more positive xx
  5. The feelings you have of sadness and guilt at feeling happy are all perfectly normal and common within a bereavement. I used to feel guilt and sadness that mum can no longer see the sky, experience a beautiful day (blimey teary now) as I can. Try to switch the thoughts if you can to Dad wants me to be happy and is looking down so exited on my behalf so I’m going to honour his memory and embrace this happiness, do him proud and have the best wedding ever. He’ll be with you, they never leave your heart and you’ll gain comfort from the memories sweetheart
  6. Firstly condolences for your loss, losing a parent is incredibly hard. To relate following the death of my mum I had a spike with intrusive thoughts, this is normal and will pass with time when the grief becomes less raw 😘 Secondly congratulations you are a loving, kind and wonderful person who is loved so much so you’ve been proposed to. Try and treat yourself with compassion as your fiancée does. This is especially important when faced with the pain of your dad. You know deep down the strength of your love and relationship so trust in that and when the thoughts/questions of doubt come acknowledge but don’t engage and distract yourself. Start wedding planning yayyyyy how exciting.. what sort of venue might you go for? What dress? How much fun will your hen do be? See I bet these questions have steered you away. They would me! Thoughts are with you
  7. Thank you GBG..we are working things through 😄 me driving I like that, ocd should not have a licence !! Also sorry dksea I understand it now you’ve explained re distance, volunteers thank you for this perspective as will think before chasing a response so soon - i was in a panic. in response to your question dksea no I’m not physically stronger than my partner he’s 6ft and a broad guy, I absolutely do not regularly use violence and have never towards him done so before! No bruise, no harm just what I’m in danger of doing to myself mentally If I don’t move on - it’s selfish to dwell and go on for partners sake, I presume. thanks for your words of wisdom you three xxx
  8. Love this used to use with my mum when she was in throws of cancer, miss her every day. Unfortunately there are no tomorrow’s for her now however there are for us no matter his bad things get! I’ll try to smile if you do too
  9. Thank you Gemma, I’m sure we can do. Feel dreadful guilt, bern checking with him he hasn’t got a bruise, been Googling how long they take to come out. I’m a mental mess! AGAIN MY FAULT
  10. Just found out my Partner misled me/ betrayed me this was re finances. I was beside myself and this came as a huge blow on top of an incredibly stressful build up over a period of a month - 6weeks - no excuse just facts, staff issues at work individual kicking off, swearing rude emails, getting a new dog (stuck now kids have bonded emotions), washing machine on the blink, step child challenging behaviour swearing and anger, partners ex having upper hand, feeling I have to drive everything. 4 bed house which is becoming hard to manage with the new dog, mud, stack up of washing and chores. We’re going away next week and can’t pack If I can’t clean my clothes. Probs with the timescales for repair. Everything feels like a fight. Personal and life pressures mounting and my relationship felt the only consistent warmth amongst the chaos yet that has now come into question. Mentally and physically I’m at the point of exhaustion. The betrayal surfaced a lot of painful emotions from the past and I was destroyed last night, I was so angry I lashed out at partner. We were led in bed together facing away from each other I turned over and lashed out with my forearm and hit him to the side of his body. I didn’t know how to get rid of the pain, in hindsight that wasnt the way to do it.!! I’m guilty! In that moment when I discovered his I felt he’d destroyed us, when I’ve known him to be the most caring, loving and genuine man (dad aside) that I’ve ever met. I feel dreadful, I’m iN pieces. Am I going to mess up every relationship? I’m in a state of panic I want to check if he has any marks, in thinking what if there’s bruising . He said Awwwww after it happened. I want to escape from myself, i feel I’m an incredibly bad person and have the urge to be with my mum- she died!
  11. No worries we’re here for each other it’s bloody awful this condition just not obvious to selves or others not here who don’t know ocd! I function so normally at worK no one would have any idea what goes on in my head when in its throes
  12. The fact that you’re bothered by it and over analysing screams ocd as if you really had paedophile traits you wouldn’t be beating self up worrying you’d be seeking out a child and gaining pleasure not writing here. my aim is not to reassure but support and state a fact I.e ocd grasps onto what we fear the most and by carrying out compulsions we communicate To ourselves that the thought is real and important. Im also good at giving advice but not taking it NJB - you can get through this 👍
  13. It’s scary but I’m proof you can have a loving solid dependable relationship when suffering with ocd. It’s hard and you feel guilt for the struggle your partner has for living with it through you but you find the one and you work through. Amount of times I’ve convinced self Ive cheated and that I’m not worthy of him is countless but he sticks with it as he knows it’s my ocd and that I have done no wrong! I just need to convince self sending you hugs you’ll both be fine just don’t confess it’s pointless and a compulsion that feeds your ocd! I’ve urges all the time to confess as an example a guy was stood next to me in a bar and randomly put his arm round me and kissed me on the top of the head.. weird but no I had to text partner and tell him. Non ocd would dismiss. Tell yourself before confessing / acting out a compulsion would someone without ocd so this?
  14. You should be proud as the weed can lead to increased anxiety and psychosis in extreme cases! So good for you to quit, not easy! Thats good you’re persevering with the CBT and meds. perhaps think of switching Gp’s! try the self help books suggested here also
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