Jack Russell

Thanks for your reply, I appreciate it. It's the following morning, anxiety has dropped, it's just lingering in the background. I know what you say is right, and I have been doing so well in recent times, lots of exposures that I have overcome, it's just the shoe checking remains. I will look up that book now, and see if I can get it, I know what my problem will be, I'll have all the knowledge, all the confidence, then when it happens, I crumble into anxiety again. Seems like I can never prepare myself enough for the immediate moment it happens.

To be honest I don't know what to think, I can't think rationally when it happens, so in the time it happens, yes I feel real danger, I've calmed somewhat now, because I spent hours cleaning.

I haven't posted here in a long time, my contamination OCD has been the best it's been in years. The only real issue that persisted was constant checking my shoes for cat or dog feces, it only takes the smallest of brown marks, which could be anything, and I will throw away my shoes, I purposely buy cheap slip ons for that reason, in the past 6 years, my estimate is around 1000 pairs of shoes. So today as usual I check my shoes, and there is two brown pieces of something on my shoes, I had only worn them around the house, we do have a cat, that goes to toilet outside, and eats and sleeps indoors. So I'm in instant panic mode, I watch the floor where I walk all the time, I can't work out what it is, bread, cat meat, or feces, I'm panicking so bad, I smelt the shoe, and couldn't smell poop, so I threw away the shoes anyway, now I'm stressed about where I've walked, I feel my hands are covered in poop, everything I touched after I smelt the shoes, I'm worried I inhaled poop bacteria, I feel like calling 111 NHS helpline to ask if I will be ok, I'm so scared, I'm just eating junk food to make myself feel fractionally better, my head is pounding so bad, I can't focus or think about anything, I feel sick. I need to clean everything now, even then I won't relax, I just wish I knew what it was, sorry for posting I've just done it out of desperation for anyone that deals with the same issue to try and help me.

That's the perfect idea, stay in touch, because the support here is always beneficial, just get ocd off your mind, and get distracted in other topics.

I think that's a fantastic idea, even just wanting to do it, shows you are still positive about things. I also love spicy food, curry is my favourite, creates a lot of washing up though, but that's ok, all that hot soapy water, it's a hand washers dream. Bon Appetit.

Yep I agree it is all about your confidence, and it will grow at your own pace, just keep being brave. Also using something you have avoided for a long time is great news. And yes anxiety can come down fast, I think that comes with confidence too. You could always cook yourself a big slap up meal, then if you eat the lot, you might be so stuffed you can't be bothered to go check anything. Or maybe that's just me

I haven't read the book, but sounds like you describe classic ocd doubt. It doesn't matter how mindful you are of checking the cooker is off, once you get the doubt in your mind, you will doubt it no matter what. I had a similar thing with taps, washing my hands and wondering if I left one on, so my way was to say to myself "off" and then walk away, which is probably similar to mindful. Then each time I doubted it, I made the effort to delay checking, delaying longer and longer each time, told myself it's "off" and if I refocused well enough, I could ease the doubt and delay it till the next time I needed the taps. Of course it's good to double check the cooker is off, we all do it, and in the back of your mind you know that cooker is off, you just need to accept it more and more. Keep trying.

I was on 225mg of venlafaxine for over a year, came off it no problem at all, just follow the doctor's advice to reduce it. Good luck.

You haven't let anyone down, you have had a blip, but I know you are strong enough to get past it.

General health is also my goal this year. Better eating habits, more fruit and veg. More exercise, joined a new gym today, anxious about it, but staying positive. Just generally being more active in all aspects of life, giving me less time to worry about ocd issues.

Hi lonelygirl, you are getting yourself stuck in a loop and over thinking it way too much. It's just creating more anxiety the more you question yourself. You said you know where your true feelings lay, so accept those and begin to start ignoring the unwanted thoughts. When you get them, try and refocus, being ill has probably not helped you either.

Hi Halle, sorry to see you are having such a rough time. When my anxiety is high, sleep is an escape for me too. You just have to begin resisting the urge to check yourself, it's very challenging to begin with because your ocd will fight against it, maybe try resisting for longer periods of time, even if it's a few minutes, then build on that, sit with the anxiety, try refocusing. As for medication, to be honest none really worked for me, but some people have great results, your doctor will help find the best one for you. Do try to relax

Good for you, I know we can all feel that way too, recovery is possible for all of us one day.

So after a day that pushed my contamination ocd to the limits, builders coming at short notice, I had to prepare the house while worrying about asbestos. Anxiety hit at 8am this morning, I checked the cupboard for diazapam, I had none. I covered everything the best I could, but some of the covers hit the floor, so that was bothering me, it was all going wrong. I then contaminated my slipper in the garden, I decided to go buy more cause I needed one less thing to worry about and the car would not start, the battery was flat. The builder left a lot of dust, but he reassured me it was only plaster and not asbestos. But the anxiety still nagged me. Then while cleaning, the rug on the floor buckled up and touched my bed, contaminating my bed. One of my worst scenarios. So I spent all day cleaning and cleaning, and worrying the entire time. I finally sat down after around 6 hours of cleaning and really felt like I did the best I could, and when i had that thought, I suddenly I felt my anxiety just drain away, all that tension just settled down. I realized I had done my best, and that is good enough. It's just one day, and it was difficult, but tomorrow I will do my best again. To everyone with ocd and anxiety, or whatever it is you go through in life, you just have to try your best, everything that worries you and gets you down. Just keep striving to defeat your demons, you can get huge satisfaction from knowing 'you did your best'. Good luck.

You explain yourself so well, thanks for sharing.