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Paul92

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  1. I do trust you guys about what you're saying. I know what's it's like to have that outside perspective and it does help. Clearly, something needs to change with me I just need to work on it. I find myself in so many tricky situations and I just don't know what I should be thinking or doing in that moment.. And obviously the thoughts I've had, what if they were genuine. I know you might not think thoughts are of any significance, but I don't think it is as clear cut as that. Thanks everyone for your support. I was fine for a long time with my partner but this last couple of weeks it's really been attacking her and trying to make me feel awful
  2. Haha no of course not. But I think how someone thinks can indicate their desires and character. As I've said, I worry what my girlfriend would think about my thoughts and how it reflects on me. If she knew what I thought she might not want anything to do with me
  3. Its good that you can see it like that but I'm really not so sure I feel that thoughts are of importance. What's the difference between me thinking and fantasising about wanting to cheat on my partner and doing it? The intent is there. I mean I haven't done that, just an example
  4. I also seem to struggle what's an intrusive thought or not. Is this common? For instance, I used to have a really weird sexual fantasy and I never wanted to associate my partner with it. What I mean is, I never wanted to think of my partner in that fantasy. So earlier I was batting it away and again I felt like I had a genuine thought for half a second but I can't tell what's an intrusive thought. I felt like I thought it. But at the same time I didn't want to. Just confusing.
  5. @gingerbreadgirl Thank you for the post. However, I really don't think I could do that. I certainly couldn't flirt with another girl. I just couldn't do that to my GF. I have fantasised about people in the past while being in a relationship, but I feel like I didn't really realise what I was doing and it really is time to change that behaviour as I don't really think it is fair. I'm really struggling with interacting with women at the moment, especially ones I find attractive. It's like I am constantly question whether I did anything to: 1) Make myself appear more attractive 2) Give any sort of signals to them to indicate I am interested 3) Flirt 4) Make them laugh 5) Have any sort of fantasy thought about that etc And sometimes if I find someone really attractive I actually avoid them now in fear of having an inappropriate thought. I just don't want to be unfair to my GF. @PolarBear Would you recommend what gingerbreadgirl has said? Or is it a case of just acting like you don't care and not getting into questioning anything? Can I really get to a point where this is all in the past? A few weeks ago I was really happy that I had not gotten into confessing anything again in this relationship. I did a few things I am not proud of now, a few times I might have thought about some other people. I realise this might not have been fair behaviour and I have cut it out. But the thoughts are intrusive. And the obviously the thing about her sister, where I kept trying to get the thoughts out of my head but I worried that for a split second I had liked it or whatever. God I could never forgive myself for that if I had.
  6. @Closed for repairs I see what you're saying. But if you read my last post, I really just want advise on what to do in situations now. I don't know how it got this bad at all. Literally it has been none stop all day today trying to make me feel as though I have been unfaithful or unfair to my GF. What do I think in certain situations? Is it really as simple as just ignoring it and carrying on with what I am doing?
  7. @dksea @PolarBear Thank you both for your posts, you have been constant sources of support for me and I am truly grateful. If there was anything I could ever do in return I really would. If I could send you a hamper of goodies in the post, I really would! I've read both your posts and I am not going to go back through my fears again. I am at work now and today I have been having a lot of thoughts and its been a struggle. However, I am trying to change my approach. It's tough, really hard. But I am willing to try. I'm completely ignoring try not to think about someone and feeling the groinal twinge at the same time. I feel like is like a link and confirmation I am feeling something about that individual. I am just trying to ignore it. If the twinge/feeling is there, I will just carry on with what I am doing and if I get a thought, just ignore it. Also, there have been a couple of times where I have second guessed my intentions behind doing something. For instance, I was joking with a colleague and doing a silly accent, and I questioned whether I'd done it to impress a girl who was standing there. Trying not to even think about it. Is it really a case of just not thinking about it and carrying on? Will it ever get to the point where I don't have to remind myself to carry on etc. There's a really horrible girl where I work but aesthetically, she is attractive, for some reason. Can't stand her personality, but for whatever reason aesthetically my mind thinks she attractive. My girlfriend really dislikes the girl and would be a bit shocked if I said I didn't think she was ugly. And I had a weird thought of this girl like doing like a flirtatious dance. I feel like it might have been one of those moments where I think things that I shouldn't think. But not sure. Does it matter? Do I just ignore it?
  8. @dksea @Closed for repairs Today I've just been feeling incredibly guilty about the times I've masturbated thinking about someone else. Maybe it is time for me to grow up. Like honestly, it's probably not great to be in a relationship but sometimes thinking of other girls when masturbating, right? Is that normal? To be honest, I think that is something I can do. I'm not single any more (I'm only 3 weeks into this relationship officially, though we have been seeing each other since late August and I have know the girl for almost 2 years), so I think I need to change my behaviour and become an adult. In a way that is a bit of a wake up call that I can accept and just learn from. I just don't know. Maybe I need to modify my behaviour and learn from it, as I've put above. But like today at work, if an attractive girl walked in, my focus would go onto my groinal area. I try and avoid thinking about the person who is there and twitching my groin at the same time. If I do that, I feel as though I am sort of like performing an act on myself, if that makes sense? But while I dont want to do it, sometimes an attractive person is there and it happens and I get confused as to what I was thinking at the time. Like the other morning with the thoughts about her sister etc. I just stood up off my chair to see if my parents had arrived at my house and was thinking about my mum, but I had to force myself not for my groin to twinge, as I don't want to link it with my mum, otherwise I feel as though Ive performed an act on myself when thinking of my mum! Does this make sense? It's all exhausting. Fact is, I am terrified I had thoughts that were not involuntary about my GF's sister. Maybe for a split second. Even though, ludicrously, I am not attracted to her at all. I spoke to my GF last night. I said my mind had been attacking me for a while about people close to her, to make me think something I shouldnt. And I was scared that I had thought something inappropriate. She was understanding and said that while she is willing to talk to me, she doesn't want me to confess anything just because I felt like I 'should'. Also, she said that people have all kinds of weird thoughts and she knows I would never be unfaithful to her. She really is lovely. She also said that there is simply nothing that I could confess that would alter how she feels about me and that she really loves me unconditionally. It is me and her against everyone. Obviously my head was then like, "yes, that's all jolly good, but you don't know how terrible this is". I just don't even know where to start. Or what I should think or anything when I get these worries. I'm very scared.
  9. @dksea I know I shouldn't confess, but I don't see how it isn't an issue. Finding it really hard at the moment. Like if I have a sexual thought or feeling about another woman I feel terrible. Also if I am talking to another woman at work and I am thinking about them at the same I have this groinal twinge (this just started happening more recently, whenever I talk to someone attractive I seem to have to focus on what my groinal area is doing and not think anything at the same time), I feel like Ive done something really unfair to my girlfriend. Also the past times when I have thought something about other women, I feel really unfaithful and cut up. I've told myself from today onwards I wont think anything sexual about anyone else. Sure ill find people attractive but ill leave it at that. I am sick to death of it. I love my GF and I tired of this trying to mess everything up constantly.
  10. I'd like some genuine opinions here, please. I've been battling intrusive thoughts around my girlfriend's sister for weeks. It's the whole, "don't think anything sexually about her because you know it would break your girlfriend's heart if she knew, you'd have to confess". This morning I was in bed and I was batting away intrusive thoughts. Thoughts like of her sister coming on to me etc. How would I feel etc. Everything I DON'T want to think. Sometimes I think things just to test myself. Also I think things because you don't want to. Like I'd imagine something just to see how I'd feel. I worked myself up into such a state and I worry whether for a split second I actually felt aroused or have a genuine thought about her sister. Like seriously, for a split second, I worry that I was aroused by one of the thoughts or scenarios coming into my head. And then I'd wonder whether I was thinking something to actually test myself or whether it was a genuine thought that I just wanted to think. Ultimately, at one point I started thinking to myself, "I did it but guys think all sorts of things like that". I think maybe it was a new way of my trying to not get bogged down with it, hoping it would fade. In my head it feels as though for a split second I was aroused or enjoyed it or actually thought it. Like seriously, a split second. It's just so confusing. It's like a real battle not thinking something, then thinking something, wondering what my intentions were etc. I want to make it clear that I am really not attracted to her sister. Not at all. I'm not saying she's ugly, and I'm not being judgemental, but really, she's not for me. Occasionally, I might have thought that she looked better than usual, but I think that is my brain just latching onto her hair or whatever, and there are certain features that are similar to my girlfriend's, who I am insanely attracted to. My head feels as though I definitely, for a couple of split seconds, thought something inappropriate or liked it or something. I don't know exactly. But if I did, I'd have to tell her right? I mean, how would I expect a girl to just stay with someone who has had an inappropriate thought about her sister! I could tell her that I have no interest in her whatsoever, but surely, it is always going to plant seeds or whatever. But I absolutely swear I don't have any interest in her. My GF is the love of my life, that's a fact. Is it unreasonable to just leave it a few days to see if the anxiety fades? Or should I just be honest and tell her? How would you feel if you was my GF? I know I'm posting a lot lately, it's just so hard at the moment. Today has been so tough. Sometimes I really just want to end everything because I am sick of the battle every single moment of every single day.
  11. Sorry to hear you're having a rough time. Can I ask, does this time of year alter how you feel? I seem to struggle a lot as the nights draw in. Just and breath and stay calm. Be kind to yourself and just let the thoughts be there. You'll be fine.
  12. Thanks for the support. Clearly this isn't ocd then...
  13. It really is the gift that keeps on giving. So for ages my mind has been trying to attack me about my girlfriend's sister. Trying to make me think something sexual about her so then I'll feel terrible and have to confess. I always get these intrusive thoughts during sex or whatever and I do my best to bat them away. I have no sexual interest in her sister. I don't find her attractive if you sit and show me a photo of her. Nothing. Maybe sometimes she looks slyghtly attractive in one way or another (not to be judgemental) but I'm really genuinely not at all. She's a lovely person, she's great. But I'm not attracted to her So this morning I woke up and my head kept forcing thoughts and images into my head. A couple of times I had a thought about her sister like coming on to me and I tried to bat it away but I'm worried that a tiny part of me felt a bit aroused and carried on the thought voluntarily. I can't distinguish between an involuntary thought and one that I just imagined on purpose. It used to be a thing where I'd imagine something to test my reaction. Or I'd imagine it already as a kind of "haha I bet you to it", to show I'm not bothered. So yeh now I am pretty worried I had a couple of weird sexual thoughts about her sister! Who I actually don't even find attractive. This happened in one of my relationships about 10 years ago. At that time, I did find her sister attractive and I thought something a couple of times. In the end I ended up confessing. It destroyed the girl at the time and from then on it pretty much went down hill. So I always swore I'd never repeat it. But I jst can't work out exactly what I was thinking. I'm supposed to be meeting my girlfriend later and we are having a bit of a day out. But I just know I'll be thinking about this all day. I really don't know what I'm meant to do. Can I even hold down a relationship like this? I really don't want to be confessing everything to her but I can't seem to see a way whereby I don't tell her about stuff like this. She is hugely understanding about my OCD and she knows it's for the best that I don't confess things. She gets it. But to think I had some thoughts about her sister, that'd kill her wouldn't it? So sick of it. It's been attacking me for ages about her sister and I kinda feel like it's finally got me. I was really battling trying not to feel anything but I think for maybe a split second I enjoyed the thoughts. Yes that's what it is, for a split second I'm scared I enjoyed the thoughts and carried it on. God I'm awful. I wouldn't mind, but it makes zero sense because I'm actually not attracted to her sister in the slightest. Really nothing. What do I do?
  14. Thanks for your reply :) Yes, I understand that. Isn't it just a horrible thing to think? It's really selfish. I was being really selfish. To actually consider how long the dog might live. I know how much the dog means to her. I just feel like if she knew I'd thought that she would be mortified and she would think I am a secret psycho or something. I just thought how long the dog would live for, because at the time a part of me wasn't actually too keen on the idea of having the dog move in too. So yes, I was probably thinking about how long it would be until it died. Which is just horrible. Immediately I panicked and realised what I'd thought because I was scared whether I was actually wanting the dog to die for my own benefit. This isn't the case. I love the dog and having thought about it more, I think it wouldn't be so bad if it moved in. I just feel terrible for having that thought and I am scared that if she knew, my GF wouldn't want to be anywhere near me. It's hard to look her in the eye like everything is fine if I consider that if she knew, she'd probably want nothing to do with me.
  15. I see what you're saying but when you're in the middle of it, it's hard to let it go. It's been a while now and its not getting any better. I actually do feel terrible. I actually say there and calculated how long the dog would be living for. Was I looking forward to the dog dying? I don't know. I just know I thought it might live another ten years. She'd be mortified if she knew. Clearly I don't want any harm to come to the dog. I just was a bit apprehensive about having it. I really hope this doesn't matter. Do you think I'm being unfair if I don't tell her? Do you a girl would leave me over this?
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