stuckallthetime

Thank you OC. I am trying now not to figure it out. I realize it would be a bit extreme for him to have such a reaction over such an email, the meaning of which was not even made clear.

Thank you. I actually had a good day today because I no longer have to figure out if I should try and do the kind of things I was doing before. I think sometimes having the choice is the problem and we just have to pretend we have no choice. As ridiculous as my acts may have been, since I plan on changing, as long as I didn't actually harm anyone then I can live with myself, and I will think of all this as a cheap lesson and second chance.

That's ok. Yesterday I made more wrong decisions in one day then maybe I've ever made in my life. I realized just now, after watching a video my father sent me, a TED Talk called Science of Happiness by Dan Gilbert (and my father doesn't know anything about what's been going on here), that the route of my problem is over ambition, and over rating the pleasure I'll experience if I just do such and such. I was stressed at work and needed to get away, I thought that by doing so and being with some woman and having some experience it would solve my problems. Boy was I wrong, and I'd have been better off staying at home. The only good part I guess was the lesson I learned. I would still appreciate help on whether or no I put the married woman's family at risk and how to deal with it.

Now that I'm thinking about it there is actually another concern of harm here: what if the married woman's husband sees my email and then abandons the wife and son or worse? He can get angry at his wife for having given her email to me, even though she gave it to me for reasons having nothing to do with having a relationship with me. He wont know why she gave her email to me. A man here will divorce his wife even if he finds out she had someone before they were married. Isn't this a real risk here? If the family breaks up, who knows what will happen to the son in the future. He could suffer or get into crime, etc. I feel like I've been reckless here.

Ok that makes sense! Thank you.

Thank you Taurean. I am still here for another week, and I plan to spend the rest of it positively. This evening I am supposed to meet an old friend from back home who now lives here and teaches at a University. I will also focus more on my work and studies for the rest of the time, and try to see some interesting places. Regarding the twin experiment, that is helpful for me to look at it from the other side and does relieve some anxiety. It's still a challenge, though, for me to see objectively how someone in her shoes would've received that question, because when I try and put myself in their shoes it's hard for me to escape my OCD state of mind and get into a regular state of mind.

Regarding the non OCD part, I agree with what you're saying. Although it doesn't justify it, I wanted to add that the women were all mature adults that I offered this to, and I didn't intend to harm any of them. As I mentioned I do intend on changing- this is not me. Regarding the OCD part, I wanted to clarify that I'm not worried about whether or not I'm a bad person. What I'm worried about is whether or not I harmed this woman with my words. I could be the most horrible person in the world, but it wouldn't matter if I were sitting in an empty room and not affecting anyone. Just as an update, that friend who I thought stopped talking to me turned out just to be busy for a few days because he sent me a text yesterday night asking how things were going. However, I didn't tell him all the things I posted about here. I only told him some of the things I was considering doing. I must admit that of all the things I've ever seen posted on this site in the last 8 years, I've never seen anyone posting anything about having actually done as low of the things as I've done here. While I've seen people obsessing that they may have done worse things which they actually didn't do, the things I've actually done I don't recall seeing worse on this site. I myself in all that time haven't gotten this low until recently. I'd rather see people happy than upset, and I realize I've made wrong choices in my life. Only through luck I haven't had something disastrous happen to me recently. Despite acting wrong lately, I still need help solving my OCD for the sake of the other people around me who rely on me being able to competently perform my job which OCD interferes with. I wouldn't blame anyone for being upset with me for things I admitted here, but I am going to try and change, and please help so I can keep my job which others need me for.

I'm still here in Georgia and have almost hit rock bottom. I'm not proud of any of the things that have happened or the person I've become. I have two problems now I need help with: 1) (unrelated to OCD) is that I can't control my desires for women. I've already lost a friend from telling him some of the things that have happened here (even though he himself has been going to escorts for a long time), and 2) there is a new episode of OCD that I'm now having. Regarding the first problem, I am in a traditional society where sex before marriage is generally not acceptable. Asking a woman for sex who is not an escort, and who you don't know well, is considered an insult at best. Given my problem I am in the wrong place at the wrong time. I decided that I'm not interested in escorts since I've done that already and it's not as interesting to be with someone when you know it’s guaranteed. I got the thought in my head that I need to see if a "regular girl" (i.e. a non escort) who I don't know well would have sex with me for money. I met a girl here while working out at the gym. It was just her and I inside the gym, and I was chatting with her in Georgian a bit as we were working out. At the end I asked if she'd want to meet here again to work out together. We ended up exchanging information and she gave me her email (I asked for that instead of her number because sometimes I have trouble making calls from here). I also met a girl on the street asking for directions who I started talking to and we exchanged information. With the later, we've been texting regularly. The one from the gym has ignored my emails. I went out on one tinder date here as well, and have been chatting with several other women on tinder. I also met one woman on the street and lied to get her email saying I am writing an article on the difference between work here and work where I live, and if she'd like to participate in an interview. She gave me her name and email. Today is where it fell apart, and I was trying to resist the urge to do what I did, but went ahead and did it anyway. I had the urge to offer these women money to have a sexual relationship with me for the rest of the time I'm here (which is now one more week) and wanted to see what they'd say. I was planning to offer about $2,000.00 which is a good chunk of my savings, but I am so addicted that I was willing to do it. To back up a little, there was this woman on tinder who I asked to hook up with me for $200.00, and she right away agreed. I ended up changing my mind based on some other things she said in the conversation, but she came back into play today. The first one I decided to contact about this was the one on the street who I told I was writing an article. When we were speaking she told me she had a son. I asked if she was married and she said yes. Today I was looking at her picture on facebook and was so attracted to her. I was wavering back and forth on whether or not to do it. I typed an email to her saying that I had a $5,000.00 business offer for her, and that she could contact me if she was interested. So, I increased it from 2,000 to 5,000 because I wanted as much chance as possible of her saying yes since I was so attracted. I closed the email because I couldn't go through with it, but it was saved as a draft. Then I looked at her picture again- she had this energy about her which I also noticed when we were talking. I opened the email again, hovered my hand over the send buttom, and clicked it. I didn't tell her what that "business" offer was. It could’ve been, for all she knew, to translate something (her english was good- I started speaking in Georgian but she also spoke English with me). Nonetheless, my email probably looked suspicious since I didn’t specify what that business proposal was, and I don't think she'll go for it. Worse yet, her husband seems like a well connected individual here and doing what I did here puts me at risk of getting killed. She has my full name, email, and everything. Since I had already done that I figured why not just go through with proposing this to the others since I was already sunk low. Here comes the part I am having OCD most over. I decided to get a second opinion on the likely success of what I was trying by reaching out to the woman on tinder (the escort) who was going to meet me for $200.00. I asked her the following question: "How many out of ten regular women in Georgia, if offered $2,000.00 for sex from a random man, would say yes". I wanted to know whether or not my offers would be considered offensive or if people were likely to agree. Her response was "F off with your stupid questions", and she deleted me. I then asked the same question to another tinder contact of mine from here, and her answer was "10 out of 10 would say yes, she'd either have to be rich or stupid not to agree". Well here's my problem. Now I feel like I deeply insulted the escort on two levels: firstly, by saying how many "regular" girls would agree, it could've seemed like I am implying she is not regular. That's not what I was suggesting, but it likely seemed like that. Even more seriously though, I imagine how insulting it might have been to her that I wasn't willing to pay $200.00 to be with her, but here I am showing interest to pay $2,000.00 to be with someone else. It must be hard enough for her to do what she does in this ultra conservative society, but how bad I think it might feel to her to think she’s not worth even 1/10th of what others are. I wanted to reach out to her to fix what I said, but she deleted me and I don’t have her contact information. I even was willing to pay $2,000.00 to be with her, and forgo being with someone else here, just so she wouldn’t feel that I rejected her for being unattractive (which she isn’t). So, my second problem, related to OCD, is what do I do about now constantly feeling guilty over harming her? I brought my lap top to work part time here on vacation, so that I don’t fall too far behind, but I can’t work with these thoughts. I know this is similar to a problem we’ve already discussed, but this seems so much worse, and what I said to this woman seems much more offensive and inconsiderate than what I said to the woman in the karaoke bar. Regarding my first problem with lust, I feel like I’m ruining my life here. Lust for women has been a problem over the years in general, but it’s reaching its maximum on this trip. Right after I sent that email to the married woman, I then sent an email to the woman I met at the gym saying the following (this is after I sent her several prior emails which she didn’t respond to): “I have a hypothetical question: If a random guy offered you $2,000.00 to hook up with him, would you?” This time my email actually got a response from her, and here’s what it was: “Don’t you EVER write to me again, you have no right to offend people like that! The answer to your hypothetical question is No, I would call the police”. So now, I have a woman who’s thinking about calling the police on me, I have a potentially jealous husband who knows my home work address who can send someone after me or otherwise report me, I have the escort lady who I feel I deeply insulted, and, on top of all of this, I have a child at home who I now need to worry I wont be able to support if I loose my job from OCD or if I don’t make it out of this country alive. Please don’t hate me for what I’m writing, I know I’ve been a horrible person, but I want to get better both as far as my lust goes and OCD. This whole country might get together at once and stone me if they knew what I was doing here. Above I mentioned another woman who I met asking for directions who I’ve been texting with for about the last week. She was very friendly to me. I have not yet made the same offer to her, and had also been debating whether or not to do so. $2,000 here has the spending power of at least about $15,000 or $20,000 in the US or UK. She has two jobs, one of them is in a restaurant. I know she works very hard and that $2,000.00 may be enough for her for a year or more. I have gone back in forth in my head several times to offer it or not. Since I am leaving in a week, and since women here don’t generally have sex with people on some summer fling, I thought my only chance of being with her physically was to offer her this. I in fact almost did. I asked her if she had time to talk earlier today and she called me. The connection was bad though, so I didn’t get a chance to ask, and we decided to talk later. I feel like I’ve put myself in enough risk already, and plan on putting on the breaks here. Still, though, I might be very tempted. I can’t keep living like this. Please help me with what to do about my never ending desires as well as this OCD that’s going on. This is the first time I’m opening up about this issue ( I only told my friend, who stopped talking to me, about some specific occurrences, not about the general problem) and really need help. I wont be offended at an honest opinion regarding the what's happening with me. I am 38 years old and did not used to be like this. Thank you.

Thank you very much Mike. That is very helpful. I'm feeling less stuck now and will not go through with the compulsion.

I've been trying not to engage which has been a challenge. Yes, OCD often immediately switches forms on me as soon as I've gotten over one episode. Problem here is that what I said, although I deliberately tried to prevent her from hearing it, was not very empathetic. I whispered in her friend's ear that if we go to another bar later, that I want it to be just her and her other friend, not the friend who I am worried that I insulted. I told her friend though, that, in order not to offend the lady who I'm worried I offended, we would wait til we all separated then call each other later so she wouldn't see that we are going without her. I legit think she heard this, though, because at one point she even said to me that "you don't want me to come". I eventually ended up leaving by myself disgusted at the whole scene and with myself. No one likes to be singled out and excluded as the only one not worthy, and I hate to think I did that to someone. I'm no one important to her obviously, and It's not the fact that I excluded her which would make her feel bad, it's the fact that someone wanted to be with her other two friends but not with her. Now I'm thinking about the consequences like what if she commits suicide. Maybe my thoughts on the consequences are exaggerated, but I think my thought about having insulted her is likely. I could try and get in contact with her and ask her out to try and make this right. It would cost me a bit of money but if it could undue what I did and get rid of these thoughts it would be worth it I think? Thanks again for the help.

Thank you Mike. I'm no longer worried that they were harmed. However, as soon as I got over that fear I then remembered that there was a third woman yesterday who came to the table who I maybe insulted. I said some things, which, if she heard, would've been insulting. Since it was loud in there, I'm not sure if she heard them or not. This sounds like a joke, but it's true.

Our messages crossed. My OCD is up and down. Gets worse sometimes when I travel.

Also... I had the other girls number- not the one I met yesterday, but the other woman who was sitting with me and the two guys initially. I just called her now and asked if the two guys bothered her in any way and she said they didn't. That doesn't mean, though, that the other woman wasn't harmed. How do I know what happened when I left? Maybe one of the two guys went with one, and the other left with the other. It could be that one of them wasn't harmed (the one I just spoke with), but the other was. Or, it could be she just didn't want to say what happened.

I did ask her if they offended her (I was speaking in Georgian, and the word I used for offend can also mean harm I think). She kind of avoided the question and said I'm not phased by anything. I told her that I had their information and that if they did anything they could be in trouble. I'm not sure if she understood me, but she didn't seem interested. I don't know where that leaves me now. She said it was a girl who scratched her arm. I don't know what I should do now.

Thank you O. I appreciate your feedback. I think, though, that this time my fear is more realistic than the time before. 1) Is it ocd for me to think these two guys harmed those women, and 2) is it OCD for me to think I caused it.? Seems like you don't think it's my fault, but do you still think those guys caused harm to those women?