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Everything posted by Chelsie

  1. Well, not feeling brilliant today. Woke up at 4.30am with anxiety symptoms which were horrible and didn’t abate. Got up and did some jobs, went shopping etc. But felt like I was on high alert all the time. Now home - a couple of compulsions, but generally avoided them. Still feeling rubbish
  2. Thanks Gemma I find the hardest thing is that I lose sight of how a normal person would react to the same situation. It’s good to get some perspective. Going to do my best to continue to avoid the compulsions this evening and to have a nice early night, hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
  3. I really appreciate what your saying, but on this occasion, it does feel like a real threat. I’m pretty sure mouse blood carries lots of horrible diseases (although I’m resisting the compulsion to google and find out exactly which ones!)
  4. Thanks for the reply, Gemma - it helps to know someone is out there listening. I have stopped cleaning and have forced myself to sit back on the sofa that I’ve cleaned, using phone, remote control etc. Forcing myself not to do any compulsions, but keep thinking of other things I need to sort out - eg the towel I used this morning, I would have used to dry my feet, so needs fetching and putting in the washing machine. Realky suffering with physical symptoms of anxiety - heart pounding, sweating etc, but doing my best.
  5. Typing this as an alternative to googling/other compulsions, so please bear with me. I’m an on and off contributor to this forum - I have times when I get my ocd under control and then I have times when it all crashes around me. I’m a teacher in the uk and, for sone reason I can’t work out, these bad periods always seem to coincide with the school holidays. Ive been aware that things were spiralling for a few weeks. My ocd is mainly about contamination, particularly blood. I got back to the point where I was waking every morning with anxiety symptoms and my worries were having an impact on my everyday life. Got to the point where I had a really bad migraine yesterday and spent most of the day in bed. This morning, I woke feeling positive and determined to get things back on track. I’ve managed this before (with cbt). Decided to have a quiet morning at home - laid on the sofa with a cup of tea and a book and really relaxed. After a couple of hours, I noticed that there was a brownish red stain all over my big toe. Checked and no cuts etc on my foot, so went to investigate. Checked my en suite and found blood on my bath mat that is outside the shower - I must have stepped on it when I got out of the shower this morning. Now, there are two options where this blood came from - my cat has a habit of bringing in mice and eating them on the mat, and my teenage daughter uses my en suite and she has her period at the moment (but she had her shower last night, so I would assume any blood would have dried over night). So, I went into a cleaning frenzy in case this was mouse blood, which would carry germs - of course I had put me feet up in the sofa, so that needed cleaning, but during the morning, I had got up and put all sorts of things on the sofa (handbag, tv remote, phone etc). I’ve stopped now, but I’m not convinced I’ve remembered everything that might have been in contact with the blood. Feeling terrible.
  6. Feeling anxious and frustrated that I’m back here again after a fairly good time coping with my contamination ocd (particularly blood) recently. I’m a teacher and notice that my ocd peaks in school holidays - no idea why, I love holidays - but thought I’d got through the Easter hols reasonably well. I’ve felt a bit anxious the past few days, but coped with it, but then a tiny event set off a spiral of panic this afternoon. I’m so cross I allowed this to happen. Ladt night I got in and found the cat had brought in a pigeon and eaten most of it in my lounge. Pigeon blood and feathers everywhere, but I coped fairly well with clearing it up and went to bed. This afternoon, the cat jumps up on the sofa next to me and brushes it’s face on my foot. This sets me off into a panic about pigeon blood from his mouth on my foot, so I wash my foot and then my hands with anti-bac handwash. Then I notice I’m getting low on hand wash and so go to the shop to get some more. On way back to the car, I see a discarded sanitary towel on the path where I’m walking - instant panic: I didn’t notice it on the way into the shop - did I tread on it? Did it move there from where I have walked and leave blood traces that might now be on the soles of my shoes? I got home and changed shoes for slippers - managed to avoid the compulsion to throw the shoes away. However, feel that everywhere I walked in the shoes from front door to bedroom where I changed them is now contaminated. I have taken a propananol and sat down to try to force myself to breathe and stop feeling anxious. I’m so cross that I didn’t deal with the first incident better, which would have avoided the later, worse incident. I’m now faced with my house feeling contaminated again, which I hate.
  7. having a bad afternoon. Things happening at work meant that I didn’t go back into the room where the bandaids were dropped on the floor until today. They were gone, but that was almost worse, as I couldn’t see where they had been and wanted to avoid stepping on that part of the carpet. Also had worry that door handles etc a prob as cleaner who picked up the bandaids would have touched them. Managed to get on with work however, but now just about to go home and face taking the contamination home with me
  8. Thanks for the support. I just find it difficult to work out what are legitimate contamination concerns - obviously they exist or protocols for dealing with band-aids, blood spills etc wouldn’t exist - and which are ocd.
  9. Thanks for the reply. Looking back, a better option would have been to have picked up the plasters (band-aids) with something to cover my hand and put both the plasters and hand cover in the bin. By taking the cowardly route, I have made it worse as I now know the cleaner would have picked it up. She wears plastic gloves, but won’t have changed them after touching the plasters and then will have touched other things in the room, including the door handles. Now I have a whole host of contamination to deal with.
  10. Just reread this and realised that what I should have done was informed site team last night. Then they could have disposed of plasters safely and immediately cleaned area. If I do so today, plasters probably will have been disposed of by cleaners and they’ll never find the exact right part of carpet to clean. Realse now that my panic and failure to deal with things properly last night has actually put everyone and myself in more danger.
  11. Why is it that when my contamination ocd is at its worst, then things happen to just push me over the edge? I work in a school and my office/room is used by others working with children when I am working elsewhere. I came back to my room yesterday at the end of the day to find it had been used and two (used) plasters were in the middle of the carpeted floor. I picked up my bags and left - leaving the plasters to be dealt with by the cleaners. Now laying in bed really panicking about coping today. Obviously I can’t avoid this room as it’s my room. Cleaners will pick up plasters, but then touch door handles etc. Room is used for a variety of activities, including yoga, so children will be lying on carpet later in the week - should I inform site team that carpet needs disinfecting? Why hat does this happen to me? I was feeling so much better only a couple of weeks ago
  12. I really understand the need to repeatedly check that something is ok. When my DD was little, I had a compulsion to keep checking she didn’t have meningitis if she had a rash - so much so that she began to offer to go and get a glass for me every time I started to look at a rash, as she knew I’d start repeatedly checking it to make sure that it blanched. This was a wake up call to me that my ocd would start to affect her. I try to be really aware of this now.
  13. Thanks Polar Bear - I really appreciate your advice, and it has helped me so many times in the past. I will really try to hold on to the idea that the concept of a home lab is ridiculous .
  14. Thanks for the reply. My panic was that this lady works from home but I don’t know what she does. I wondered whether she does the actual testing from home and the completed kits get sent to her to test, rather than her bring the one who wanted to be tested.
  15. Historically, I have always had ocd relapses at Christmas and in the summer. Not sure why, but always works out that way. This Christmas was going remarkably well - so proud of myself and feeling that if I could just get through the next couple of days, I might break the cycle. Then, as so often happens to me, something I had dealt with stupidly in the past came back to catch me out and I’m now a panicking mess again I suffer from contamination ocd, particularly related to blood. About 10 months ago, a package came through my letter box. I ripped it open before realising it was addressed to someone else who lives in my street. It was a home Sti testing kit. I panicked and reacted stupidly (in retrospect). Instead of resealing the packaging and putting it through the neighbour’s door, which a normal person would do, I threw it into the tall cupboard in my kitchen where the boiler etc are, and stopped using the cupboard. This is the cupboard where I had previously stored my cat food. My worry was that, instead I of being a new kit ordered by my neighbour, it might be a used kit with blood in it, which might have got on my hands. Obviously, I then went through a lot of washing/cleaning compulsions. My neighbour knocked on my door asking if I had taken delivery of a parcel for her a few days later and, to make things worse, I lied and denied the parcel had come to my house. Today, I mentioned to my daughter that I needed to go and buy sone cat food. Before I could stop her, she opened the cupboard I had put the parcel in, got out a bag of cat food, filled the cat bowls and left the bag of cat food next to the bowls, on the floor in front of the kitchen sink. I went cold, but managed to avoid saying anything to her (she washed her hands as she always does after feeding cats, so touched the soap, taps etc. I now face s whole host of contamination in my house again. I have forced myself to used the sink. The bag of cat food is still right near where I stand to use the sink - so I’m constantly stepping around it and am bound to touch it with my foot before long. This feels even worse than usual, as any blood in a kit like this is more likely to be infected as a person would only use s similar kit if they felt they were at risk.
  16. Thanks for the reply. I did actually google ‘contamination from floss picks’ last night, but of course it didn’t tell me what I was looking for. I also know that, whatever it had said wouldn’t have been enough, even if it had categorically said there was no danger. I have woken up feeling grotty this morning - first time for about 3 monthis, so feeling cross with myself. Restless legs, hot/cold sweats the lot. I am taking my daughter and a friend to London for an event today - the last thing I feel like doing as it involves crowds of (potentially contaminated) people, public toilets etc. I would give anything for a quiet day at home! However, good thing about going out is that I am away from the easy access to a sink, hand soap etc and I also know that distraction is my best friend at times like these.
  17. Hi I feel guilty as I’m very sporadic on this forum - I just rear my head when something causes me anxiety and I’m looking for some good sense advice. My ocd is related to contamination and, in particular, blood. I have a particular concern about touching anything with blood on and then catching a virus such as hepatitis etc. The summer tends to be a bad time, as lots of people seem to put plasters on their feet when new sandals rub and then they drop off onto the floor. I find myself constantly looking down to check that I’m not stepping on anything that is s likely source of contamination. Now autumn’s here, there are far fewer plasters dropped, but they seem to have been replaced by the plastic tooth flossers. I now spend my time attempting to avoid stepping in any of these, as they are likely to have blood on them. This morning, I was walking from the car park to the shop with my daughter, who was walking a little in front of me. I stepped to one side to avoid a discarded flosser, but didn’t see if my daughter trod on it. I’m now panicking that she has blood on her shoes and has tracked it into the house. Everything feels contaminated, especially as I have 2 cats who obviously walk on the floor and then sit in the sofas, beds etc. I am doing my very best to cope with this - I’ve put the tv on, sat down with a drink and doing my best to distract myself. However, I have done a lot of handwashing, cleaning sofas and surfaces etc. since we returned home and I know I’ve started a cycle that I need to break. I’m repeating the mantra that ‘this too shall pass’ and am concerned that this should be a one off bad spell and not the beginning of another period of anxiety. Words of wisdom please?
  18. Do you think it might be migraine due to the anxiety?
  19. Yes - sat it out and now home. Haven’t done any cleaning. Hopefully avoided this one!
  20. Been quite a while since I’ve posted - been coping pretty well. The ocd is always there, but I’ve been doing mostly ok with avoiding compulsions. Problem is, sometimes always happens to throw me, and I feel myself falling back into old ways. Popped with my daughter to local shop. As we left, I noticed a plaster sticky-side down on pavement just outside shop doorway. I think I avoided stepping on it, and I quickly guided my daughter away, although I can’t be sure that she missed it. Also, as it was right in the doorway, can’t be sure that either of us didn’t step on it on the way in. Jusg dropped daughter at dancing lesson - she dropped her water bottle as she got out of car and it rolled onto her foot. She picked it up, got out of front of car and opened back car door to get her dance bag. When she opened it, my handbag, which was on back seat, fell out of car. She then picked that up and put it back in the car. I would usually sit outside dance lesson and do some work while I wait, as it is an hour lesson and it is at least a 20 min drive each way to get home. What I really want to do is dash home, disinfect handbag, car door etc and then wash my hands thoroughly. However, I know I should avoid this and sit tight. Just looking for someone to support me while I do my best to sit the panic out.
  21. Had a bad couple of weeks over Easter, but really trying to conquer it this time, put into place all advice and not let it escalate. Not sure if I did the right thing this morning, so looking for advice. Contamination is my main worry, particularly blood or anything carrying viruses etc. This morning, I noticed a reddish brown spot on my shower room floor. This shouldn’t be a problem, as this room is only used by my family. However, I have a cleaner who comes on a Friday and so I start to worry that it could be her blood. I begin to wrack my brains over whether this spit was there on Friday night - would I have noticed it if it was etc. Then worry over Whether it is in a place where we might have stepped on it over the weekend and spread the contamination throughout the house, etc. Then I pull myself together and force myself to walk away from it and try to forget it a bit by distracting myself. Later, wonder whether the walking away from it and pretending it’s not there is actually the wrong way to deal with it. What would be the ‘normal’ way to deal with it? So, I clean it up, as I feel that it what a non-ocd person would do. Now I’m pretty certain I made a very bad job of dealing with the whole thing! Not sure whether ignoring or cleaning up was the best course of action. Would like to learn from this event, so I deal with the next one better! Of course, I’m probably doing the worst thing now by analysing my responses and giving the whole event more importance than it really warranted?
  22. Thanks, BelAnna Not too bad a day, all things considered. Doing my best to not give the thoughts any room to take over my life!
  23. Thanks for replies. I’ve just got home, as had some private work to do on way home. I’ve put my feet up and poured a glass of wine - determined to relax and put it out of my mind. Will deal with what tomorrow brings in the morning.
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