Chelsie

Had such an up and down week.  Been poorly and OCD really spiked mid week.  However, thurs and fri so much more positive and really felt I made some headway. 

Now it's Saturday morning and I'm feeling not too bad OCD wise.  The problem is, I'm feeling so lacking in energy.  My OCD has been bad for about 5 weeks and I've been avoiding all sorts of jobs as they've been causing me anxiety - laundry pile is becoming a mountain, everything needs tidying.  I just seem to lack the motivation to attack it all! 

Having a lovely lazy morning reading my book and enjoying being able to sit and not ruminate.  But this won't get anything done! 

Sorry you're not well! I know that when I wasn't well earlier this week, my OCD was terrible too!

It occurred to me earlier that my flare up around Dec/Jan this year is exactly the same time of year of 2 previous bad OCD periods.  When I'm very anxious I often feel faint and exactly a year ago today I passed out in the bathroom and broke my leg! Not sure why this is a bad time of year, though. SAD maybe? 

Had such a positive day today and wanted to share as I've written so many negative posts recently. I managed to ignore a really difficult observation - it was hard but not impossible.  Got home from work and avoided the compulsion to shower, change clothes etc. Not sure what changed today. It wasn't perfect, of course, but I hope I've turned a corner.  I started taking propanolol on top of my paroxetine yesterday so don't know if that helped. 

Got up half hour early to take propanolol this morning and went back to bed. Sweating seems better, as does anxious feeling generally.  Hopeful. 

I know, Suzi - I have to break this one before it is established. 

Yes - I've been on propanolol a couple of times before.  When I was a child/teenager I used to have a reaction when I did anything that caused a rush of adrenaline - my fingers and lips used to swell up as if I was having an allergic reaction. Propanolol used to help with this.  I was also given some when I first went on paroxetine to tide me over until it started to take effect. In the past, I've found I feel well on it so hoping it will work as well this time. 

Yes - cbt starting on Monday now.  Sorry you're struggling too. I'm feeling much better now - it's just the thought of being back at work which is making me anxious. I know I'll be fine once I'm there, it's just getting through the horrible symptoms of early morning anxiety.  I'm hoping the propanolol will help with that, though.  I've decided to ignore my house, which looks like a bomb's hit it after being poorly, and to relax and watch tv with my daughter tonight. The Great Interior Design Challenge is on next  

Doing my very best - stressful day but tried to reduce compulsions (although not completely). Hoping the propanolol will take the edge off the physical symptoms of anxiety. 

Excuse the need to offload but would appreciate support of lovely people out there. 

Ended up off work again today due to stomach bug which started up again yesterday.  Lots of anxiety about going back to work tomorrow. 

Was meant to pick up repeat prescription for paroxetine today but had call from doctors to say dr wanted to see me.  Had to go for appt today as I was out of tablets. Dr agreed to upping dosage to 40mg (I had actually started taking this much a few days ago as I've been on this dosage before). Dr also prescribed propanolol (I have taken this short term once before). Lots of anxiety about going to dr and pharmacy as these places seem full of contamination, but I coped. 

I'm concerned that I'm starting to avoid touching my daughter as she touches the floor, her feet etc. I try really hard not to put my OCD worries on to her which means I have to allow her to put her phone on the floor to charge, to sit on the floor etc. Today she touched my hand and I had to really resist the temptation to go and wash it.  I then touched my mouth without thinking and this has set off a feeling of anxiety which I'm trying hard to fight and not to go and wash my face/wash my mouth out.  Haven't given in to compulsion but not feeling great. 

I'm glad I'm not the only one, Suzi. However, maybe one of the pay offs for beating my OCD will be a house I can be proud to invite people into! 

Great advice - really need to stop OCD controlling my life. 

Am I the only one with contamination OCD who finds they have a constantly messy house, rather than the sparkling abode one would assume I have.  My fear of picking things up from the floor, touching bins and the assumption of contaminated areas means that when my OCD is bad, my house becomes an embarrassment. Makes me very cross with myself - however, the seal of my washing machine is spotless! 

Bed seems a safe haven - which is weird considering my feet go in there and I feel they are contaminated after walking around on the floor.  I love getting into bed at night and knowing that for a few hours nothing is likely to happen that will give me the urge to do a compulsion.  

However....I know that my OCD is best when I'm doing things and with people.  It's just that getting out and about lays me vulnerable to seeing things that will try to set me off on compulsions. I have to force myself to be in these situations. 

I resisted.  Now back home.  Going to settle down in front of the tv and put it behind me. Small victory. Feel that at this rate it's going  to take a long time to get back to normal this time.  Hoping things might speed up next week when I start cbt. 

I'm still resisting! Have been reading as a distraction - hopefully better and back to being busy (and sociable) very soon! 

I think I'm the proof that sitting around doing nothing is the worst thing for OCD.

Have been sick for last few days so too much time on my own.  Also can't get out to spend time with other people to be distracted.  Was a bit better for a couple of days but poorly again today  

This morning, had to drive daughter to bus stop and she put her bag handle on my hand brake. Contamination OCD went into overdrive though, as I know she puts her bag on the floor.  I didn't say a word but it bothered me all the way home. Have to take car out again in a while.  Everything tells me to go out and clean the handbrake, gear stick, steering wheel with antibacterial wipes first, but I'm trying so hard to resist. 

Thanks - in their defence I think they are worried and frustrated and feel that being confrontational is the best way to help and not 'pander' to me.

Feeling deflated.  Did a silly compulsion at the end of the day and, even sillier, did it in front of family.  Ended in being well and truly told off.  Made my little successes seem a bit stupid.  Ho hum......

We love The Play That Goes Wrong - and Peter Pan Goes Wrong and Comedy About avBank Robbery! 

We saw Robinson Crusoe with Brian Connelly and Gok Wan.  Very funny.  Having dinner with family then plan to go home and straight to bed to avoid any opportunity for compulsions. 

 friend! 

Had a lovely day.  I know that my OCD is worst when I'm alone and always better when I'm in company.  Being sick, I kept away from everyone for 48 hours and so it was such a relief to be back with people and to get out of the house. 

I don't think I have a problem with hypochondria.  Enough issues with contamination and some checking as it is. 

Perhaps - I'm not aware that hypochondria is a particular issue for me, I'm usually very healthy.  This was a very violent stomach bug, if not norovirus! 

The real battle is to keep it up when I get home and taps and soap are in endless supply! 

Panto was brilliant - exactly what I needed!  Determined not to do any compulsions now. 

Are you calling me a hyronchondriac, ocdhavenobrain?